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    Building Up Abuse About The Building

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Top

    (I work as maintenance coordinator for a property management company. I get a call from a nearly 30-year-old tenant’s mother.)

    Me: “Hello, This is [My Name]. How can I help—”

    Mother: “You listen here. I am going to sue the living s*** out of you and you negligent company unless you fix the issues in my son’s apartment!”

    Me: “I’ll do everything I can. What is the—”

    Mother: “Well, YOU have already been doing ALL that YOU can. Maybe I need to talk to someone else, cause all you can do is f*** all!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m more than happy to assist you in any way I can but I will stop this conversation if you continue to be abusive. What is the add—”

    Mother: “I’M BEING ABUSIVE?! You take my money EVERY MONTH so my son can live in that s***-hole! Breathing in mold, dealing with rats and roaches! WHAT ABOUT THE GOD-D*** HOLE IN THE CEILING?! Don’t you think that’s abusive!?”

    Me: “Ma’am, I have no knowledge of any unit having any of these problems but for me to help I need the address—”

    Mother: “YOU HAVE NO F****** KNOWLEDGE?! LET ME TALK TO YOUR MANAGER!”

    (At this point I lose my patience.)

    Me: “Ma’am, did you sign the lease for your son or were you present for the signing of the lease?”

    Mother: “No, I did not, but what the h*** does that have to do with anything?”

    Me: “It MEANS I legally do not have to talk you. NO ONE here has to, and if you continue to be this abrasive on the phone, I will advise the property manager to evict your adult son from his unit. I DON’T WANT TO DO THAT! Now, PLEASE, if you want me to help I need the ADDRESS!”

    Mother: “Fine, it’s [address].”

    Me: “Ma’am, we don’t even manage that building. It’s managed by [Other Management Company].”

    Mother: “Well, then, how do I get ahold of them?”

    Me: “Let me Google that for you. ” *hangs up phone*

    Nine-Dumb-Dumb

    | CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (I am the after-hours emergency line representative for a property management company. We essentially handle things that are association responsibility and will cost the association money, not the homeowner.)

    Homeowner: “I think someone is breaking into my house!”

    Me: “Did you call the police?”

    Homeowner: “No, why would I do that?”

    Me: “Because we don’t offer security service. We only dispatch people out for things like plumbing emergencies, or broken sprinklers.”

    Homeowner: “What do I do?”

    Me: “Call 911.”

    Homeowner: “Can you do it for me?”

    Me: “Ma’am, 911 tracks the location of the caller. If you feel threatened, you need to call 911 right now.”

    Homeowner: “God-d***-it, what the h*** do I pay monthly dues for?” *hangs up*

    How To Deal With A Customer’s Crap

    | Property ManagementTX, USA | Health & Body

    (I am a property manager for a homeowner’s association. I get a call from a homeowner.)

    Homeowner: “Yes, I’m calling to tell you that you need to pick up the dirty diaper in my front lawn.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, that’s not what I do.”

    Homeowner: “Well, somebody needs to pick it up! Who do you think will pick it up if you don’t?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, it’s your house. You’re responsible for maintaining your home. I’m not obligated to clean your lawn.”

    Homeowner: “Well, then you can rot in H*** along with that diaper!”

    Lack Of Heir Conditioning

    | South Carolina, USASouth Carolina, USA | Family & Kids

    Tenant: “The heat in my home hasn’t worked all winter! Do you know how much my children have suffered?”

    Me: “Ma’am, we can’t fix the problem if we don’t know about it. Why didn’t you call earlier?”

    Tenant: “I’ve already had my uncle look at the heater. It’s not fixable, and you owe me $60 for having him confirm that.”

    Me: “By law, we have to supply you with heat. We would have replaced your heater and given you wood to burn while doing so.”

    Tenant: “That’s okay. I’m burning the fence.”

    Me: “The privacy fence?”

    Tenant: “Yes! My babies need to be warm.”

    Me: “That’s treated wood.”

    Tenant: “My babies need to be warm!”

    Your Logic Is See-Through

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    Caller: “Can you have someone clean the water fountain filter? The water comes out dirty.”

    Me: “Are you sure it’s dirty? Or is it just cloudy? Sometimes we just get air bubbles in the filtration and it looks cloudy.”

    Caller: “No. I put it in a glass and it comes out filthy.”

    Me: “If you set the glass down for a few minutes–”

    Caller: “Yeah, it clears up.”

    Me: “Well then, those are tiny air bubbles. As long as it clears up, that’s just-”

    Caller: “No, but it comes out of the water fountain dirty. People drink from there.”

    Me: “What if you put it into a glass, and leave it for a few minutes?”

    Caller: “Right! Its clean then! The glass cleans it!”

    Me: “Actually, I don’t think it’s the glass.”

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