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    Trying To Explain It In Black And White

    , | OH, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (A customer walks in with a black & white document.)

    Me: “Do you need some copies made today?”

    Customer: “Yes, please. I need 20 of these, black & white.”

    (I make her copies and walk back to the counter.)

    Customer: “Can you make 10 in color, too, please?”

    Me: “Sure, you just need them on the brighter, heavier paper that we use in the color machine?”

    Customer: *stares at me like I have two heads* “NO, so that they’re in COLOR.”

    Me: “You mean you want it to look like it did on the computer screen before you printed these in black?”

    Customer: *frustrated* “YES!”

    Me: “No color machine in the world is capable of restoring color from a black and white copy.”

    Customer: “Whatever.”

    (Thank goodness the customer behind her was laughing at her because I was certainly about to!)

    A Sheet Understanding Of Languages

    | Coral Springs, FL, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (An elderly customer comes in with a manila folder filled with paper.)

    Me: “Hello! Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I need copy of… How do you say?”

    (It’s clear English isn’t his first language, so I get closer to listen.)

    Me: “What was that?”

    Customer: “Do you say…’piece of paper?’ or ‘sheet of paper?’”

    Me: “You can use either of them. Both are okay.”

    (The customer seems to understand, and hands me a sheet from the folder.)

    Customer: “This. I need five pieces of sheet.”

    The Hair Apparent

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

    (The manager calls me to the front of the store to deal with an angry customer: I had laminated her elementary school son’s photo collage. I should have realized something was up when I see the manager is smirking.)

    Customer: “You laminated one of your hairs in my son’s collage!”

    Me: “I really doubt it.”

    (I point out I am wearing a hat.)

    Customer: *now super angry* “Don’t contradict me. You have ruined this collage!”

    Me: “No, ma’am. I really don’t think that long blond hair is mine.”

    (I pull off my hat. I have a shaved head.)

    Customer: “Well, then, someone else must have put it there. Like her!” *points to a coworker with blond hair*

    Me: “Ma’am, I am the only person who has touched this order. This hair appears to be yours.”

    Customer: “Well… you should have never laminated the hair in then!”

    (I point to the order form where the customer has circled ‘as is’.)

    Customer: “Aaargh!” *storms out*

    Filed Away In The Embarrassment Folder

    | Sacramento, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (A customer brings in a USB drive from which to print a document. I plug it into the print center’s PC.)

    Me: “Alrighty, ma’am, which file are we printing for you today?”

    Customer: “I don’t see mine in here. Can you try opening the MISC folder to see if it’s in there?”

    (I open the folder as requested.)

    Customer: “It’s not in there! Oh, don’t tell me it didn’t download to my drive!”

    Me: “Aw, that’s a bummer! Did you want to try looking in some of the other folders?”

    Customer: “No! It wouldn’t be in any of those!”

    Me: “Do you possibly have the file in your email, by any chance? If you could pull up the attachment on your phone, we could print it that way.”

    (I unplug the drive and hand it back to the customer. Suddenly angry, she snatches it from my hand and storms off.)

    Customer: “No! I’m going to go back home, save it again, and THEN I’m going to have it printed SOMEWHERE ELSE!”

    Me: “What…?”

    Sometimes, More Really Is More

    | Sacramento, CA, USA | Money

    (A customer comes in asking for a quote.)

    Customer: “Hi, how much will it cost for 600 single-sided flyers?”

    Me: “That’d be [price].”

    Customer: “Okay, and how much for 600 single-sided flyers plus 100 double-sided ones?”

    Me: “That’d be [higher price].”

    Customer: “What?! How’d you come up with [higher price]?!”

    Me: “You have more copies than [lower price], so it costs more.”

    Customer: “I don’t think you understand! I want 600 of these AND 100 of these!”

    Me: “It’s still [higher price]. You’re adding more printing to your order. That’s going to make the price higher.”

    Customer: “No! Never mind. I’ll come back later and ask someone else!”

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