(A customer comes in asking for a quote.)

Customer: “Hi, how much will it cost for 600 single-sided flyers?”

Me: “That’d be [price].”

Customer: “Okay, and how much for 600 single-sided flyers plus 100 double-sided ones?”

Me: “That’d be [higher price].”

Customer: “What?! How’d you come up with [higher price]?!”

Me: “You have more copies than [lower price], so it costs more.”

Customer: “I don’t think you understand! I want 600 of these AND 100 of these!”

Me: “It’s still [higher price]. You’re adding more printing to your order. That’s going to make the price higher.”

Customer: “No! Never mind. I’ll come back later and ask someone else!”

Facsimile, Not Facsteleporty

(A middle aged woman rushes in and hands me a sheet of paper.)

Customer: “Can you fax this page to [number] for me?”

Me: “No problem!”

Customer: “I’m just going to run next door for a coffee and be right back.”

Me: “Sure.”

(The customer returns after 10 minutes.)

Customer: “You didn’t fax it yet?!”

Me: “Yes, I did actually. It went through fine.”

Customer: “No, you didn’t! I can see my paper laying right there!”

Me: “[Company], how can I help you?”

Caller: “Yea, I need you guys to work on my car’s transmission. How much?”

Me: “Ma’am, we don’t work on cars here, we print things.”

Caller: “But…but I Googled [company] and I got you guys.”

Me: “I’m sorry, Google was wrong. I don’t know how we got on there.”

Caller: “But I Googled you! You have to do it!”

Me: “Ma’am, we have copiers here, not a garage. Try the yellow pages?”

Caller: *sounding very betrayed* “I can’t believe I Googled you.”

(I am setting birthday invitations for a customer’s mother’s 90th birthday.)

Customer: “Well, it looks great, except for one thing…”

Me: “Well, all right. Just tell me the problem and I can fix it.”

Customer: *pointing to the location and address on the invite* “Can we remove this? There’s too much information, it looks really cluttered.”

Me: “…you want to remove the location from the invitation?”

Customer: “Yes! It looks like too many words; I certainly wouldn’t read all that.” *points to RSVP information* “Actually, take that off too.”

Me: “How are people going to know where to go, or how to let you know they’ll be there?”

Customer: “Oh, I’m sure they can figure it out!”