I was a new teacher at a middle school and was trying hard to balance work, home, and young children. I never did “homework” (the rest of my teaching duties) until my children were in bed. Then, I would routinely stay up until midnight refining lesson plans, grading papers, and scoring tests.

One morning, after being up most of the night with a fussy child, I was exhausted. I had a planning period for first period, so I put my head down on my desk “just for a minute” and promptly fell asleep. It was an open-classroom school, so my principal wandered in, observed me for a minute, and then put his hand on my shoulder.

Principal: “Go home.”

Me: *Protesting* “I’m fine!”

Principal: “You look exhausted, and you need rest. I will handle things here.”

I will never forget him for that kind gesture, and I have tried to have the same compassion for my students.

I’ve been a substitute teacher at the same school for about ten years, and I’m one of the favorite subs the district has according to most of the kids. One day, I’m assigned to a class that has two identical twin brothers. I’ve known them for a few years, but despite my best efforts, I simply cannot tell them apart unless they are literally shoulder-to-shoulder in front of me. The twins are Black, and I am white.

We’re between classes when the kids have a few minutes to go to the bathroom or grab something from their locker. I’m standing out in the hallway when [Twin #1] approaches me.

Twin #1: “Hey, Mr. [My Name], can I please go to the bathroom before class?”

Me: “Yes, you may. Which one are you?”

[Twin #1] starts to answer, but then I hear a woman’s voice just behind me.

Woman: “Excuse me? What did you just ask him?”

I turn around and see a middle-aged woman I’ve never met before, at school or anywhere else. She is white, like me. Before [Twin #1] or I can say a word, she continues.

Woman: “Are you racist? Do all African American children look the same to you, so you need to ask ‘which one’ is speaking to you? I may have a word with the school principal about this.”

Just then, [Twin #2] comes out of my classroom and stands next to his brother. The woman splutters a bit and goes beet-red.

Me: “In this case, yes. I have a bit of trouble telling [Twin #1] and [Twin #2] apart. Most people in school do, and it has nothing to do with their race or ethnicity. Can I ask who you are?”

The woman refused to answer, turned on her heel, and started walking toward the office. I gave both twins permission to go to the bathroom and then asked a different teacher who I knew was on their free hour if they could please cover my class for a few minutes. The teacher agreed after I gave a hasty explanation, and I followed the woman to the office to make sure I could defend myself against any accusations she might make.

The woman turned out to be a brand-new substitute teacher, and she did try making a few accusations against me — racism toward Black students, verbal abuse against her, etc. The principal — whom I’ve known for many years, even before I started substitute teaching — didn’t buy a word of it after hearing my side of the story. The woman was invited to rethink her decision to become a substitute teacher and to either learn to figure out the facts before jumping to conclusions or find a different career.

I returned to class and got a high-five from both twins. We still sometimes joke about it whenever I have to ask “which one” of them I’m talking to.

I taught a student in a primary grade, and then I later moved to a new school nearby and taught two grades higher. One of my primary students was secretly one of my favorites, so I was happy to see her on the roster. Her parents? Not so happy. 

They asked for a conference with the principal and me to share not only their current concerns but things they had been begrudging for going on THREE YEARS.

Pop: “The coach at [Old School] was funny at morning drop-off — always made me smile. I manage a large team of people, and it’s important that I get to work with a positive attitude. This new coach doesn’t say anything — just waves me on through.”

Sorry that ensuring safe drop-offs in the car rider line doesn’t come with a stand-up routine.

Mom: “This teacher implied that my child’s cheerleader practices were too long in primary grade, and that was why she was tired.”

What I actually said when the child complained of being tired was, “Oh, did you have cheer practice? I know, my children had a lot of ballet classes when they were in school.”

Me: “Ma’am, my own daughters took ballet for years. I am a big supporter of after-school activities. How unfortunate that you didn’t come to me at the time; I could have cleared this up for you back then.”

This sort of complaint repeated several times.

Mom: “[Other Student] is weird. She’s just weird. I don’t like her being in class with my child.”

Ma’am, I would die before I ever agreed with this in public.

Pop: “There are bad kids in this school. In [Old School], when we went out to eat, we knew everyone in the restaurant. Here, we can go out and not know anybody. But these other kids… they’re just bad.” 

No, my administrator did not push back in any way whatsoever. [Old School]’s administrator was quite used to pushing back against entitled parents, but not [New School]’s administrator, who was frequently publicly upset that she did not get 100% approval ratings from parents. 

[Mom] called the school nurse to ask me to use the word “cheer” to the child because the child didn’t make the traveling elite cheer team — as in, while walking in the hallway to recess, “[Child], please save the cheer until we get to the playground.”

[Mom] complained that [Child] made fun of nail technicians’ accents, saying to us, “I wonder where she learned that?”

The parents would walk through the school hallways like they were literally Prom King and Queen.

By the end of my second year with her, [Child] was being actively excluded from the popular girls’ group in the classroom. (I did shut down the overtly mean comments.) By fifth grade, they were making it a point to exclude her in obvious ways by recreating “Mean Girls” in elementary school, e.g., on Pink Out Day, the Pink Squad of four wore matching outfits.

Not my grade monkeys, not my circus. 

Sometimes, you can just see the trainwreck of the future coming.

I work in a school. This was the school’s schedule for the last day before Christmas break.

• 12:30: Kids go home (early dismissal).
• 1:00-2:00: Staff holiday party.
• 2:00-4:00: Work in classrooms.

Me: “Could I leave when the kids are gone for a family event? I’ll take half a personal day.”

Principal: “Well, district policy is that you can’t take a personal day the day before a holiday break. I’ll have to get the superintendent’s approval first.”

Later, the principal got back to me.

Principal: “I’m sorry, but the superintendent says that since it’s a contracted day, you can’t leave early.”

At the start of the party:

Principal: “The superintendent just told me that everyone can leave early today! Go home after the party!”

Principal: *To me* “Now you can go to your family thing! What is it?”

Me: “A production of A Christmas Carol. But since you told me I couldn’t leave early today, they gave away my ticket.”

I missed something fun with the family because my boss’s boss wanted to make a big surprise about getting to leave early.

CONTENT WARNING: Sexual Assault Of A Child

This is the story of how my oldest daughter got suspended for “assaulting a colleague” and its legal conclusion.

The school called to tell me about the “assault”, so I changed into a suit, dolled up a bit (to look more “respectable”), and went there. I entered the principal’s office, where my daughter was waiting.

Principal: “Ms. [My Name], the reason I called you here is that [Daughter] here assaulted a boy, elbowing him in the nose and then punching him, knocking two teeth out. This behaviour is unacceptable for a young lady. As such, she’ll be suspended for a month.”

Me: *To my daughter* “Why did you do that, honey?”

Daughter: “He came from behind me, put his hands up my shirt, grabbed my breasts, and said, ‘Nice t*ts.’ So, I did as uncle taught me.”

Me: *To the principal* “Is this true? You’re punishing my daughter for defending herself? Then what is his punishment for sexually assaulting her?”

Principal: “No punishment. He was assaulted — something very traumatic for an eleven-year-old boy. Also, what he did is normal for boys his age.”

Me: “Okay. Can I have that in writing? Everything you just said?”

Principal: “Here’s the report with the witnessing teacher’s account.”

I picked up the report, which said exactly what the principal had just told me. Then, I got up, grabbed my daughter’s hand, and turned to the principal.

Me: “Now, I am going to the nice police officer outside, and I am going to press charges against you and this school for failing to protect its student from sexual assault and discrimination. Good day.”

(They have police due to a program called “Escola Segura”, which stations cops near schools.)

We walked outside, and I did press charges, showing the report to the cop, who took a picture of it and gave me a report number so I could follow its progress.

The next day, I woke [Daughter] up at 9:30 am and told her to take a shower, so we could go to the ER to get her hand X-rayed, just to be safe.

About twenty minutes later, I heard the water running, and then I heard her screaming. I ran into the bathroom and found her staring at the mirror, tears running down her face. Why? Her chest had bruises in the shape of the little a**hole’s hands — a very traumatizing thing for any woman, let alone an eleven-year-old girl.

I helped her shower and get dressed, and then I called the police, giving them the case number and requesting their presence with a forensic tech at the hospital, also explaining why.

We got there and were escorted through a side door. The tech (a woman) along with a female nurse took pictures and measured the bruises. While this was happening, I was present and giving a statement to a CPS (Child Protective Services) lady, who was shocked at the principal’s reaction to the whole thing. The police officers informed me that they would be adding assault charges against a kid who did this, beyond the ones already filed against him and the school.

As soon as we got home, [Daughter] curled up in my bed, cried under the sheets, and fell asleep. I was feeling murderous. 

My husband and I and our lawyer had a meeting a few days later with the representatives from the Education Department and the Justice Department. They informed us that the principal had been fired and forbidden from working with children. My daughter’s suspension had been revoked, but they would be giving her the time needed for her to recover, and they offered €100,000 in compensation if we didn’t go to court. We agreed.

As for the kid who assaulted my daughter, he was expelled from the school. Legally, we can’t sue him for damages as he is a minor, but the State is proceeding with the criminal charges, and they are going to offer him a five-year suspended sentence and a restraining order so he can’t get within 200m of my daughter. Should he refuse, he’ll get five years in a correction house and between two to five years in an adult prison.

We agreed to their proposal.

They also asked if we wanted [Daughter] to be homeschooled. She’d have the full support of the State, and she would only have to take the tests and exams at the school. We later talked with her and she chose to be homeschooled for the rest of the year since we’re moving abroad next year anyway.

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