• A Pain In The Nugget
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    It’s Also A One-Way Trip

    | Netherlands | Uncategorized

    Me: “*** Post Office, can I help you?”

    Customer: “I would like to get God’s address.”

    Me: “Sir, we don’t have an actual address for God.”

    Customer: “But how can you know where to deliver letters to God without an address?”

    Me: “We deliver them to the church down the street.”

    Customer: “So you are telling me you don’t actually deliver the letters to God himself?”

    Me: “Um, no.”

    Customer: “I cannot believe you lie to all these people and deliver those letters to some crappy church!! I need my letter to be delivered to God directly! I hate you!”

    Me: “I am very sorry, sir. I guess you’ll have to go deliver the letter yourself. But look on the bright side, it saves you a postal stamp!”

    Customer: “Yeah, I guess so.” *click*

    Many Problems To Address

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Excuse me, I sent a letter last week but it came back. Can you tell me why?”

    Me: “Sure, do you have it with you?”

    (The customer hands it over. It doesn’t take long to figure out the problem.)

    Me: “Oh, okay. You’re going to need a valid house address to have it sent.”

    Customer: “I did put the address!”

    Me: “That’s an email address, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Yes, and it’s valid. I checked!”

    Day Trippy

    | Wisconsin, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Good afternoon, ma’am. How many books of these stamps?”

    (As I ask the customer this, “Yellow Submarine” by the Beatles begins playing on a nearby radio.)

    Lady: “Oh my gosh! I love this song!”

    Me: “That’s great. Now, how many books of–”

    Lady: *begins to dance towards the door*

    Me: “Uh, okay ma’am, don’t forget your–”

    Lady: *dances out of post office, leaving her purse on the table and the rest of the customers confused*

    Postman 1, Preemptive Strike 0

    | Killeen, TX, USA | Uncategorized

    (I’m waiting in line and overhear a conversation between the customer in front of me and postman at the front counter.)

    Customer: “I need to ship this package out.”

    Postman: “Okay, would you like to upgrade this to priority shipping?”

    Customer: “No, I just want to send this by regular mail. ¬†I don’t need anything else or any other services.”

    Postman: “Okay, that’ll be $10.00 for the shipping. Do you need any stamps today?”

    Customer: “No! No stamps, no certified mail, no post office box, no passport. I just need to ship this package out–that’s it. Did I miss anything?!”

    Postman, without skipping a beat: “Do you need any money orders today, ma’am?”

    … And They Say The Post Office Is Slow

    | Troy, NY, USA | Top

    (A customer is buying a stamp for a letter shortly after the 2007 price increase.)

    Customer: “Why can’t I get a 39 cent stamp? You still have them.”

    Me: “We still have them in stock, but we have to make up the difference with 2 cent stamps. Don’t worry, we’ll stick the right amount on for you.”

    Customer: “I just want a 39 cent stamp.”

    Me: “Okay, but your letter will not get there.”

    Customer: “Just give me it!”

    (The customer takes the stamp, affixes it, and tosses the letter into the slot. I promptly pick up the letter from the bin and stamp it “Insufficient Postage, Return To Sender”.)

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