Customer: “I’d like 50 Christmas stamps, please.”

Me: “What denomination?”

Customer: *befuddled* “Oh, my, has it come to this? Um, give me 22 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 6 of the Baptists.”

Customer: “I am wondering: how long are the ‘forever’ stamps good for?”

Me: “They are good forever.”

Customer: “So, I can still use them when the rate goes up? I don’t have to throw them away?”

Me: “They are ‘forever’ stamps. They can be used ‘forever’, regardless if the rate goes up.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. I wasn’t sure what was meant by ‘forever’…”

Customer: “I need to pay this bill and the bank said I had to come to the post office.”

Me: “Ok, that will be $625.80.”

Customer: “No, it’s $500.”

Me: “No, it’s $500 US. In Australian dollars, that’s $625.80.”

Customer: “No, it says right there it’s $500. You are just discriminating against my daughter!”

Me: “Um…”

Customer: “How else can you justify a $125 fee?”

Me: “Our fee is $8; the Australian dollar is only around .8 of the American dollar.”

Customer: “So what you are saying is, I would be better off paying a thousand dollars?”

(This continues for some minutes until an old lady in line behind the customer speaks up.)

Old Lady: “I’m going to have to go to another post office. This will never get resolved. This woman is just too stupid to live!”

(I set up temporary redirections for customer’s mail after a house move whilst they get around to telling people that they’ve moved.)

Me: “How long would you like us to redirect your mail for?”

Customer: “Until everybody knows I’ve moved.”

Me: “Well, how long do you think it will take you to tell everyone?”

Customer: “Me tell everyone?  Don’t you do that for me?”

Me: “Sorry, but that’s up to you. We don’t know who writes to you.”

Customer: “Well you should! You deliver the letters to me!”

Me: “*** Post Office, can I help you?”

Customer: “I would like to get God’s address.”

Me: “Sir, we don’t have an actual address for God.”

Customer: “But how can you know where to deliver letters to God without an address?”

Me: “We deliver them to the church down the street.”

Customer: “So you are telling me you don’t actually deliver the letters to God himself?”

Me: “Um, no.”

Customer: “I cannot believe you lie to all these people and deliver those letters to some crappy church!! I need my letter to be delivered to God directly! I hate you!”

Me: “I am very sorry, sir. I guess you’ll have to go deliver the letter yourself. But look on the bright side, it saves you a postal stamp!”

Customer: “Yeah, I guess so.” *click*