November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Best Not Berate Bob Or You’ll Get The Boot

| New Jersey, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Top

(I go to my local post office several times a week. One the employees, Bob, always has a smile on his face no matter what. One day, I come in and see he’s the only one working. There’s a long line due to many large and complicated orders. A customer comes in behind me, sees the long line, and starts complaining about the slow service.)

Customer: “It’s much faster at [other] post office. Don’t you think they are slow here?”

Me: “No. I think there are a lot of people, it’s lunch time, and Bob there is going as fast as he can.”

Customer: “They are much faster at [other] office.”

Me: “No, they aren’t. That’s why I come here. Bob’s as fast as he can be. Look, he’s not slacking. You can see he’s working as fast as possible.”

Customer: “But they are so rude here!”

(Now I’m angry. This office, and Bob, in particular, is never rude.)

Me: “No, they are not rude. They are nice, even when they have to deal with people like you.”

Customer: *stomps around* “Well, I’m never coming here again! Everyone is rude and slow! Next time, I’m going to [other] office instead!”

Me: “Why don’t you just go there now?”

Customer: “I will!”

(As she leaves, all the other customers nod in relief and the tension in the line disappears.)

Bob: *still smiling, to me* “Thank you.”

Around The Competition In 80 Minutes

| Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Money

Customer: “I’d like to overnight these documents to Israel.”

(I process the service.)

Me: “That will be $145.00, please.”

Customer: *jaw drops* “Why is it so much?!”

Me: “Because you want it on the other side of the world tomorrow.”

Customer: “No deal! I’m going to [competitor #1] or [competitor #2]!”

Me: “Okay, have a nice day!”

(Over an hour later, the customer returns, having found that our competitor charges even more for the service.)

Customer: *quietly* “Do you take Visa?”

A Case Of Misbehavin’ Identity

| Edmonton, AB, Canada | Top, Wild & Unruly

(I am working in a post office inside a mall. I am in a rather secluded part of the store and usually only one or two customers are here at a time. This is my first night alone, and I have just learned this particular transaction about two hours earlier with my manager. The first meeting occurs with my manager there as a witness.)

Customer #1: “I’d like to do a change of address, please.”

Me: “Sure. I just need two pieces of photo ID and something showing your old address. It could be your driver’s license or a bill.”

Customer #1: “I don’t carry ID with me. I don’t want to get mugged. I took the bus here just to do this. Can’t you do it anyway?”

(Unfortunately, there is no way to do this. If I don’t write the information down on the form, it will be rejected and the customer’s money will not be refunded. I explain this to her several times, and mention TWO pieces of ID repeatedly. I also write this down on a note and hand it to her. She leaves, upset, and tells me she’ll be back later. Work continues as normal, until I see the same customer come back in the store two hours later. This is after my manager has left me alone for the night.)

Me: “Hi there! So, you brought your ID?”

Customer #1: *grumbles* “Yes. I can’t BELIEVE you made me bus it home and all the way back here for ONE STUPID CARD.”

(At this point, I know she’s going to get even angrier. She’s only got one piece of ID, and I still can’t do the transaction.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I need two pieces of ID.”

Customer #1: “Are you f***ing joking?! ALL THE WAY HOME AND YOU STILL WON’T DO IT?!”

Me: “I asked you for two pieces of ID, ma’am, several times. I even sent a note with you.”


(The customer is fuming, and there are other people in line behind her. I call my manager, who immediately remembers the customer and tells me to “just do the transaction anyways and she can lose her $40 if she wants to”, but by this time the woman is screeching while I’m on the phone.)


(Suddenly, she vaults herself over the counter and grabs the nearest object—thankfully just a roll of kraft paper—and starts whacking me with it. Security happens to be passing by and they tackle the woman to the ground, kraft paper in hand, still screeching about my “racism” and “ignorance”. I go back to helping the customers that have been waiting.)

Customer #2: “My god, that was the best thing I’ve ever seen! What the h*** did you do to her?!”

Me: “Long story…I just needed more ID and she didn’t have it. What can I help you with?”

Customer #2: “Oh, a change of address. But I only have one piece of ID…” *gets a sheepish look on his face* “You just spent the whole time I was in line explaining that you need two pieces of ID for this form, didn’t you?”

Me: “Oh, um, yes… so, you know that I can’t do it then?”

Customer #2: “Yeah, I just hoped for some hair pulling.” *slinks away*

Customer #3: *grinning* “I have two pieces of ID, and I just want to mail this.”

Me: “I’m so sorry you had to witness that, sir. You could use the drop box beside the desk next time. It’s right over there.”

Customer #3: “Oh, I know. But I’m an officer and I wanted to witness that woman in case things went south.”

(It turns out he really was an officer! He had the woman charged with assault and petty theft for taking the roll of kraft paper.)

Plundered Pleasures

| USA | Rude & Risque

(I work in a department that deals with mail theft, identity theft, etc.)

Customer: “This cost me $1000!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear it hasn’t arrived yet.”

Customer: “They stole it! They knew it was the ‘pleasurable things’!”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “D*** them! They stole the ‘pleasurable things’ to go in my special lady parts! I want you to tell the inspectors that!”

Me: “I’ve put that in the notes.”

Customer: “Read it back to me!”

Me: *reading my notes*She has not received a package of personal items valued at $1000.”

Customer: “That’s not right! You didn’t put in the bit about my special lady parts!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I was just summ—”

Customer: “Tell them they stole the ‘pleasurable stuff’ for my special lady parts!”

Me: “Okay, it now reads, ‘She has not received $1000 of pleasurable stuff for her special lady parts. She suspects that the postal workers were the thieves.'”

Customer: “GOOD!”

To Some, Time Is A Foreign Concept

| Duncan, BC, Canada | Uncategorized

(I’m standing behind the counter at the postal outlet. We have a stand in front of the counter with a sign that shows our hours in military time. I notice a customer staring at the sign for a very long time.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “What is ’20:00′?”

Me: “20:00 means 8 pm.”

Customer: “Oh. You should put the times in English.”