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    Treating Them Im-Parcel-ly Is Only Polite

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal

    (I witness a customer exchange at the counter while I am in line.)

    Customer: “I’m here to pick up a parcel; here’s the delivery card.”

    Clerk: “Sure, I’ll just look that up for you.”

    Customer: “By the way, why were you rude to my daughter?”

    Clerk: “I… what?”

    Customer: “My daughter came in earlier to get this parcel. You were rude to her, and wouldn’t let her pick it up for me.”

    Clerk: “I’m sorry. As I explained to her at the time, only the person whose name is on the parcel can take it. We have to do that to prevent fraud.”

    Customer: “Her name is on it! Look at the card!”

    Clerk: “Um… I’m sorry, but you wrote that in yourself. It’s a different coloured ink, and the handwriting is different.”

    Customer: “Are you calling me a liar?”

    Clerk: “Look, I’m sorry; only the person whose name is on the card can pick it up. I explained that to your daughter—”

    Customer: “You should learn how to speak to people properly, and stop being so rude!”

    Clerk: “Um… let me go get your parcel.”

    (The clerk is visibly upset as she leaves. Her supervisor comes back with the parcel in question.)

    Supervisor: “Here is your parcel. Now, can you see here on the parcel where it has your name on it?”

    Customer: “I don’t f****** care whose name is on it! I wanted my daughter to pick it up, and you should have given it to her!”

    Supervisor: “That would have been illegal. We can’t just give out parcels because someone says—”

    Customer: “I don’t f******* care! Just give me the f******* book to sign!”

    (She signs for the parcel and storms out, offering one final pearl of wisdom before going out the door.)

    Customer: “You should learn to f******* speak to people more politely, b****!”

    Didn’t Pass For The Passport

    | Brisbane, Australia | Extra Stupid

    (I’m a customer waiting in line at the post office. A man is having his passport photo taken: the rules are quite strict on what photos are allowed.)

    Employee: “Okay, we’re going to have to take another photo. Your mouth was open slightly and they won’t accept it. So, just look straight at the camera with your eyes open and your mouth shut.”

    Customer: “At the same time?!”

    This Phone-y Claim Doesn’t Ring True

    | North Carolina, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (I am working the front counter at the post office. Customer #1 is in front of me, while Customers #2 and #3 are at the center counter filling out paperwork.)

    Customer #2: “Hey, have you seen my cellphone?”

    Customer #3: “I thought you brought it in with you.”

    Customer #2: “Yeah, so did I. Can you call it for me?’

    (Customer #3 obliges and dials Customer #2′s phone. Surprisingly, a phone starts ringing. Customer #2 walks around by the front of the counter and looks at Customer #1.)

    Customer #1: “Ma’am, I think my phone is in your purse.”

    Customer #1: “No, you must be mistaken. That’s my phone.”

    Customer #2: “Well, if it’s your phone, aren’t you going to answer it?”

    Customer #1: “I think I’ll let it go to voicemail.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I think you need to show us that phone.”

    (She reluctantly reaches into her purse and brings out the phone. Customer #2 takes the phone.)

    Customer #2: “That is MY phone!”

    Customer #1: “Oh, I’m so sorry, I forgot. I did find it on the counter and I was going to turn it in, but I got distracted…”

    (Moral of the story: if you’re going to steal a cellphone, have the sense to turn the ringer off!)

    Best Not Berate Bob Or You’ll Get The Boot

    | New Jersey, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Top

    (I go to my local post office several times a week. One the employees, Bob, always has a smile on his face no matter what. One day, I come in and see he’s the only one working. There’s a long line due to many large and complicated orders. A customer comes in behind me, sees the long line, and starts complaining about the slow service.)

    Customer: “It’s much faster at [other] post office. Don’t you think they are slow here?”

    Me: “No. I think there are a lot of people, it’s lunch time, and Bob there is going as fast as he can.”

    Customer: “They are much faster at [other] office.”

    Me: “No, they aren’t. That’s why I come here. Bob’s as fast as he can be. Look, he’s not slacking. You can see he’s working as fast as possible.”

    Customer: “But they are so rude here!”

    (Now I’m angry. This office, and Bob, in particular, is never rude.)

    Me: “No, they are not rude. They are nice, even when they have to deal with people like you.”

    Customer: *stomps around* “Well, I’m never coming here again! Everyone is rude and slow! Next time, I’m going to [other] office instead!”

    Me: “Why don’t you just go there now?”

    Customer: “I will!”

    (As she leaves, all the other customers nod in relief and the tension in the line disappears.)

    Bob: *still smiling, to me* “Thank you.”

    Around The Competition In 80 Minutes

    | Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Money

    Customer: “I’d like to overnight these documents to Israel.”

    (I process the service.)

    Me: “That will be $145.00, please.”

    Customer: *jaw drops* “Why is it so much?!”

    Me: “Because you want it on the other side of the world tomorrow.”

    Customer: “No deal! I’m going to [competitor #1] or [competitor #2]!”

    Me: “Okay, have a nice day!”

    (Over an hour later, the customer returns, having found that our competitor charges even more for the service.)

    Customer: *quietly* “Do you take Visa?”

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