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    Trying To Remember Without A Dismember

    | BC, Canada | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at the customer service desk of a member-owned co-op store.)

    Me: “Thanks for calling [Store]. How can I help you?”

    Member: “This is [Name]. I need to phone [Local Celebrity] but I don’t have his phone number and he’s not on the phone book.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. We can’t give out the phone numbers of our members.”

    Member: “But you don’t understand! This is very important! He is coming over for dinner, and I was planning to serve chicken, but now I’m thinking he may be a vegetarian! I have to ask him!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. I still can’t give you his phone number.”

    Member: “But I’m a member! I own the store! You have to do what I say!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. I can’t just give other member’s information from their file.”

    Member: “Fine! Can you call him instead, ask him if he eats chicken, and then call me back?”

    Selective Stealing

    | Portugal | Bizarre, Criminal/Illegal, Money

    (I’m attending to a client that has her bag and other stuff on the counter, and has to fill out some forms.)

    Me: “Do you mind if I attend to another client while you fill out the forms?”

    Client #1: “Sure!”

    (I call another client, and she has to fill out some forms as well, so I return to Client #1.)

    Me: “All done. That will be €5.50.”

    Client #1: “Where’s my money?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

    Client #1: “I had my money right here in the counter, and it’s gone!”

    (We both look for the money, trying to figure out if it has fallen to the floor. Suddenly I look at Client #2, and realize what has happened.)

    Me: *to Client #2* “Ma’am, did you take the money that was on the counter?”

    Client #2: *after a long pause* “Yes, I did.”

    Client #1: “Why on earth would you do that?!”

    Client #2: “Well, I didn’t know it was yours; I thought it was hers!” *points to me*

    Me: “So that would make it okay?!”

    Client #2: *happily* “Exactly!”

    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 21

    | PA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I need a $500 money order.”

    Me: “Okay. It’s $501.20.”

    Customer: *hands over $7 cash*

    Me: “You’re still $494.20 short.”

    Customer: “What? What do you mean?”

    Me: “We need $500, plus $1.20 for processing the money order.”

    Customer: “This isn’t enough?”

    Me: “Sorry, a $500 money order costs $500.”

    Customer: “Oh. I didn’t know that.”

    Related:
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 20
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 19
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 18
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 17
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 16
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 15
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 14
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 13
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 12

    Noisy Complaints Are All-Enveloping

    | Provo, UT, USA | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid, Top

    (I am in a rather lengthy line at the post office to buy a bunch of stamps for work; it is early afternoon. An elderly customer behind me is complaining loudly to no one in particular about the wait.)

    Customer: “I can’t believe they’re making us wait like this. It’s the middle of the day; the line shouldn’t be like this! I have places to be!”

    (I glance back at her, but don’t really pay much attention.)

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! They could just open up more lines and get us all through here quickly, but they just make us all wait in line.”

    (When I get to the front of the line, the customer makes a big show of loudly counting all of the closed cashier stands and complaining. I ask the clerk for my stamps, and he goes to the back to get them, as I need more than he has at his station.)

    Customer: “Oh, now one of them is leaving? I can’t believe this!”

    (The customer suddenly walks up to the counter to stand next to me. When the clerk comes back, she speaks up.)

    Customer: “I need to buy these things, now.”

    Me: “Excuse me? He’s still helping me.”

    Customer: “Well, I just need to buy a few things.”

    Me: “So do I. It’ll just be a moment.”

    Customer: “You’re buying a ton of stamps! I just need these envelopes.”

    (I finally pay enough attention to realize what she’s holding: several flat rate envelopes.)

    Me: “Ma’am, those are free.”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “You can take those for free. You just have to pay the postage when you bring them back in.”

    (The customer looks at the clerk, who nods.)

    Customer: “Well, how was I supposed to know that?! Someone should have told me sooner!”

    Me: “It’s written all over the stand you grabbed them from.”

    (The customer looks back at the stand, and sees that I’m right. She then leaves in a huff, complaining about the post office wasting her time.)

    Stamping Her Place In History

    | Kill Devil Hills, NC, USA | Bigotry, History, Theme Of The Month

    (A male customer comes into my post office. I am a female, as are all but one clerk here. The customer asks me for a stamp. My partial book is a Rosa Parks stamp; I hand him one. He becomes enraged.)

    Customer: “A woman?! Don’t you have a picture of a cat or a dog, instead? A woman! I don’t even know who this person is! I will not use a woman!”

    (I act calm, but I am furious.)

    Me: “This woman is Ms. Rosa Parks. She worked for the freedom and equality of all people, of every color. She is one of the people who made sure people of every race are welcome here. And she did it all without any acts of violence.”

    (He takes his stamp. He sees my fury, and backs down pretty fast. Surprisingly, he became a very gentlemanly customer after that.)


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