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    When Water Wings Become Angel Wings

    | Aurora, CO, USA | Uncategorized

    (Our pool doesn’t allow children who are non-swimmers to be in the pool without their parent. A mom comes in and throws her child in the pool with water wings and goes to leave the pool.)

    Me: “Ma’am, you cannot let your child in the pool without you in there with him.”

    Customer: “Well, why?”

    Me: “It is unsafe for a non-swimmer to be in this deep of water alone.

    Customer: “He can swim just fine! I put his wings on.”

    Me: “It is possible for him to drown even with wings on.”

    Customer: “If he does, just call me and I will come swim with him!”

    Dim Witted And Off The Deep End

    | Yakima, WA, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hello, this is [pool name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “What are your sessions today?”

    Me: “Our sessions today are 12:30 to 4:30 and 7:15 to dark.”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: *more slowly and clearly, but still polite* “Our sessions today are 12:30 to 4:30 and 7:15 to dark–around 9 pm.”

    Customer: “What’s dark?”

    Me: “Around 9 pm.”

    Customer: “No, what is dark?”

    Me: “When the…sun goes down?”

    Customer: “Oh, how rude!” *click*

    Try The New Pool At Hogwarts

    | North York, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Why is it that your pool is so small?”

    Me: “It is a Therapeutics pool, geared towards people to do their exercises.”

    Customer: “So there is no other pool in this building?”

    Me: “No, there is no other pool in this building, but there is one up the street.”

    Customer: “Can’t you just make it bigger?”

    No, Really: Sink Or Swim

    | Melbourne, Australia | Uncategorized

    (I’m manning the rope swing we have at the deep end of the pool. A guy in his mid- to late-30s comes up to me.)

    Guy: “Um, is this safe for me to have a go?”

    Me: “Sure, adults can use this. You’ve just got to be able to swim in deep water.”

    Guy: “Yes, yes. But it can hold my weight, right? It won’t break?”

    Me: “No, it’s safe. The water would break your fall anyway.”

    Guy: “Oh, okay.”

    (The guy grabs the rope, swings out and purposely lets go. However, instead of swimming, he begins sinking to the bottom with his hands weakly flapping as he tries unsuccessfully to pull himself up. I immediately dive in and pull him up. After I’ve gotten him out…)

    Guy: “You said it was safe!”

    Me: “You said you could swim!”