I work at a hotel doing maintenance. People complain that the heated indoor open-year-round pool isn’t warm enough for them. It is usually kept around seventy-five, but most people want it warm like bath water.

Instead of turning up the heat in the pool heaters — back in the pump room, out of customer view — which would do absolutely nothing for the hours it would take it to warm up the water, I do this: first, I walk through the pool area and say:

Me: “Don’t worry; I’ll turn it up for you.”

Then, I walk into the pump room and close the door. I hang out for a few and then come back out.

Me: “It should feel better for you.”

Guest: “Yes, it’s much warmer. Thank you.”

In reality… their bodies just get used to the water.

I’m an avid swimmer; it’s my favourite way to keep active due to some old knee injuries precluding me from high-impact sports. I normally swim every morning except Sundays, just some lazy laps in the local pool.

A few months ago, after years of trying, I fell pregnant! While I was incredibly excited, morning sickness hit hard and I didn’t swim for a few months.

Around week eighteen, I FINALLY don’t want to throw up all the time and decide to pop in for a swim. The employees, who I all know by name, haven’t seen me in months, and by now, I look like I am smuggling half a watermelon under my bathers.

Girl: “Hi, you! Long time no see!”

Me: “Hi!” *Gesturing to my stomach* “I didn’t think you’d fancy cleaning vomit out of the pool, so I stayed away for a bit. Back now, though!”

The very friendly girl sets me up in my usual end lane and chats excitedly about my pregnancy. A male employee I’ve never met before wanders up to the desk.

Girl: “Hey, [Guy], this is [My Name]. She was in here almost every day before you showed up.”

The male employee greets me warmly and then notices my protruding belly.

Guy: “Are you pregnant? And going swimming?”

I cringe, as my mother-in-law buys into the old wives’ tales about pregnant women not being supposed to swim. However, before I can say anything, he excitedly shouts:

Guy: “HUMAN SUBMARINE!”

I almost cried laughing. I’m due in a month and still go for my regular swim. Every time that employee sees me, he excitedly makes sonar noises. I love that guy.

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At our pool — summer months only as it’s outdoors — we have season passes available. They’re $50 for one person for the whole season or $100 for a family pass for the whole season — immediate family only.

When kids with passes come to the pool, they just recite the assigned number that matches their account number. There is a big book with all the numbers which the lifeguard is supposed to check to make sure they aren’t just saying random numbers. My town is 1,500 people, so I know a lot of the people who live here personally.

We always check for the first few weeks, and there’s no need to check the book after that if you KNOW the kids and their families and that they do indeed have a pass, especially if they are our everyday regulars (basically parents using it as a cheap daycare service).

One of our regular kids comes in. He was causing trouble yesterday, so I ask him for his number and make him wait as I look it up. This is just to inconvenience him because he makes our lives harder on a daily basis; I fully expect to find his name there next to the number he tells me.

It turns out his name IS in there… on A DIFFERENT FAMILY’S pass. He’s no relation at all.

I tell him this.

Kid: “Yeah, I know. We share the pass.”

Me: “Sharing a family pass with non-family members is not allowed. I’ll let you in today for free since you’re already there, but next time, you will have to pay.”

The kid plays all afternoon just as he has every other day this summer, splashing, laughing, the works.

Fast forward a few hours. The kid’s mom storms in, yelling obscenities.

Mother: “You yelled at my kid and said he couldn’t swim for no reason! He came home bawling his eyes out because you were so harsh with him! Who the f*** are you to tell him that, when he has a season pass and has been swimming here all summer?”

Me: *Calmly* “He did not have a pass. The other family had a pass and he is not a part of that family.”

Mother: “I paid for that pass, and he should get to swim!”

Me: “How did you pay for it?”

Mother: “Mrs. [Other Family] and I split the price; I gave her the money to put my son on the pass.”

Me: “It doesn’t work like that. If it did, a hundred different kids from a hundred different families could each pay one dollar and get one family pass, and they could swim all summer for free.”

Mother: *Not having any of it* “I already paid for him! He has a pass; he should get to swim!”

Me: “Season passes don’t work that way; they cannot be shared. He would have to pay to get in to swim, and I am very sorry, but I can’t do anything about it.”

This continues for around twenty minutes until I tell her:

Me: “I really can’t do anything about it, but I can get my manager if you want to further voice your complaint.”

This is mostly because I am tired of her, and partly because I know this sharing bulls*** won’t fly with my manager.

Manager: “I’m sorry that you paid Mrs. [Other Family], but you’ll have to take it up with her to get your money back because we have nothing to do with that. But your son really doesn’t have a season pass.”

The kid had been swimming and causing trouble DAILY for nearly two months FOR FREE. The pool received no money from him ever, and we had less than a month left in the season.

The woman still couldn’t comprehend the problem because, as far as she was concerned, she had already paid and there shouldn’t be any problem. My manager eventually gave her a heavily discounted single pass for the rest of the season.

I would have told her to f*** off at this point and just taken the loss of one regular. It pissed me off so bad because I couldn’t even FATHOM a mind simple enough not to understand why the financially struggling pool (or ANY business) just couldn’t allow this, or that they had ALREADY screwed the pool out of over a hundred dollars because he had been swimming all summer without a pass and without paying, not to mention causing all the guards countless headaches.

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, but you can’t be in the hot tub with your infant.”

Customer: “You don’t tell me how to parent my child! I know what I’m doing!”

Me: “It’s pool policy, ma’am, nothing to do with your… uh… parenting.”

Customer: “You guys don’t have a daycare, and I want to enjoy the hot tub, so I am staying!”

I got my manager and he kicked her out. She wrote quite an extensive complaint about my manager and myself. I thought people would know not to put a baby in 106-degree water.

I work at a public pool.

Woman: “There are noisy kids jumping off a building next to the pool and doing flips! It’s very annoying!”

Me: *Confused* “What building are you talking about?”

She points.

Me: “I see. I’m afraid there’s nothing I can do, ma’am.”

Woman: “Why not?!”

Me: “Well, that’s not a building; those are our diving platforms. And those ‘kids’ that are diving are world-class divers doing their training.”

She glared and then stared daggers at the athletes all afternoon.