October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Completely Self-Immersed

| London, UK | Uncategorized

Swimmer: “Could you please close the doors? There’s a draft coming into the pool.”

Me: “Sure.”

(After closing the pool, a customer watching her child swim calls me over.)

Mother: “Could you please leave the doors open? I’m claustrophobic.”

Me: “Of course!”

(After opening the doors again, the swimmer talks to me.)

Swimmer: “Why are the doors open?”

Me: “A customer here is claustrophobic, and asked me to leave the doors open.”

Swimmer: *yelling angrily* “What’s more important, her claustrophobia, or my comfort?”

Customers Should Stop Causing Ripples

| Athens, GA, USA | Health & Body, Rude & Risque, Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me, lifeguard?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am?”

Customer: “I think there’s a…” *whispers* “…sex toy at the bottom of the pool!”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Customer: “A you know…” *whispers again* “vibrator!”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s children’s torpedo toy.”

Customer: “Not a vibrator? Oh darn. I really needed one too.”

They Swim Where The Sun Doesn’t Shine

| Athens, GA, USA | Family & Kids

(A day camp comes to my pool every weekday. The kids are on average 7 years old.)

Girl: “I’m a mermaid!”

Me: “That’s nice.”

(Next day…)

Girl: “I’m a vampire! Gaaargh!”

Me: “But yesterday you were a mermaid.”

Girl: “I’m a vampire mermaid! Gaaargh!”

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 3

| Pennsylvania, USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, what can I get for you?”

Customer: “Yeah, can I get a piece of candy?”

Me:  “Sure, that’s one dollar.”

Customer:  “Oh. I only have a five.” *starts walking away*

Me: “Excuse me, Ma’am? I said it’s only a dollar.”

Customer: “I know. Why would I waste four dollars?”

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 2
This Is Why We’re In A Recession

Dim Witted And Off The Deep End, Part 3

| Concord, NC, USA | Uncategorized

(We are doing rescue and CPR training with the other lifeguards).

Customer: “Excuse me, do you guys have to do that now with all these people in the pool?”

Me: “Sorry sir.”

Customer: “I see this guy in the water and I think he’s drowning. I try to go help him, but he tells me it’s just training.”

Me: “Sorry for the confusion, sir. Please swim behind this barrier so that the lifeguards can complete their training.”

Customer: “And other people have pushed their kids out of the way so guys can do your thing! I mean, what would happen if the kids got hurt? What would you do?”

Dim Witted And Off The Deep End, Part 2
Dim Witted And Off The Deep End

Page 5/8First...34567...Last