(I’m a white male working as a lifeguard at a small neighborhood pool. This pool is members only with a strict pool pass policy. If they don’t have a pass, they can’t enter. A woman walks into the pool area and walks right past the lifeguard table. As she walks away, I stop her.)
Me: “Um, ma’am? Yes, hi. Do you have your pool pass?”
Woman: “No. They were never issued to me.”
Me: “Oh, well, I’m sorry, but I’ll have to ask you to leave.”
Woman: “Is it because I used to be a dude?”
Me: “No, ma’am, of course not. You see, we have a very strict ‘No Pass, No Entry’ policy.”
Woman: “Do you know how racist you sound right now?”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Woman: “This is the last time I’ll be treated like this! Just you wait until I tell the KKK about this!” *storms out*
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Pool | Bellevue, WA, USA |
(Note: I run the scoring system at swim meets for my local pool.)
Parent: “Do you mind pulling up my son’s race time?”
Me: “No problem. What race?”
Parent: “32.”
(I glance over at the announcer’s table. Race 25 is currently swimming.)
Me: “Oh, so you want his qualification time? Sure, I can pull that up.”
Parent: “No, no. I want his race time.”
Me: “You do realize that the race hasn’t happened yet, right?”
Parent: “Oh, that matters? Okay, then…switch him into an earlier race.”
Me: “Even if I switched him into a race that had already happened, it wouldn’t make your son’s time appear in the system. The computer doesn’t work that way.”
Parent: “It doesn’t?”
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Swimmer: “Could you please close the doors? There’s a draft coming into the pool.”
Me: “Sure.”
(After closing the pool, a customer watching her child swim calls me over.)
Mother: “Could you please leave the doors open? I’m claustrophobic.”
Me: “Of course!”
(After opening the doors again, the swimmer talks to me.)
Swimmer: “Why are the doors open?”
Me: “A customer here is claustrophobic, and asked me to leave the doors open.”
Swimmer: *yelling angrily* “What’s more important, her claustrophobia, or my comfort?”
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Customer: “Excuse me, lifeguard?”
Me: “Yes, ma’am?”
Customer: “I think there’s a…” *whispers* “…sex toy at the bottom of the pool!”
Me: “I’m sorry, what?”
Customer: “A you know…” *whispers again* “vibrator!”
Me: “Ma’am, that’s children’s torpedo toy.”
Customer: “Not a vibrator? Oh darn. I really needed one too.”
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(A day camp comes to my pool every weekday. The kids are on average 7 years old.)
Girl: “I’m a mermaid!”
Me: “That’s nice.”
(Next day…)
Girl: “I’m a vampire! Gaaargh!”
Me: “But yesterday you were a mermaid.”
Girl: “I’m a vampire mermaid! Gaaargh!”
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3,409 Thumbs Up!)
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