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  • Burning Ears But No Drowning Fears

    | Lexington, KY, USA | Family & Kids

    (A little girl starts to drown in the kiddie section of the pool and the lifeguard jumps in to save her. The mother of the child pays no attention while she’s sunbathing.)

    Lifeguard: *calmly* “Ma’am, your daughter was just drowning.”

    Mother: “Ugh, I told my other children to keep an eye out for her. Fine, give her to me!”

    Lifeguard: “Just try to be a little more careful, okay?”

    (Incredibly, the mother proceeds to yell at the little girl for drowning and then yells at her other small children for not watching her. The lifeguard sits back down in her chair. A random person who has seen everything walks by.)

    Random Person: “What happened? Is she okay?”

    Lifeguard: “Yeah, the mom just wasn’t paying attention.”

    Mother: *on the other side of the pool* “DON’T SAY I WASN’T PAYING ATTENTION!”

    The Pool-cebo Effect

    | Livingston, NJ, USA | Top

    (I am a lifeguard at a pool. I am covering a coworker’s 12-4pm shift while he is visiting a friend in Boston. There is a senior aqua-exercise class for people with arthritis that is starting.)

    Swimmer #1: “Brrr, The water is so cold! Why is the water always so cold?”

    Swimmer #2: “Yes, this is ridiculous. We are going to freeze to death!” *to me* “You, there! Lifeguard! What is the water temperature today?”

    Me: “It is 84 degrees. Quite warm, actually. I went for a swim earlier.”

    Swimmer #1: “Bulls***! Where is the normal lifeguard, [coworker's name]? He always fixes the water temperature for us.”

    Me: “Really? How?”

    Swimmer #2: “He calls the front desk and has maintenance turn up the temperature. He’s such a nice boy. Such a lovely boy!”

    Me: “Okay, let me try that…

    (I walk over to the phone, but instead of calling the front desk, I just call my coworker’s cellphone.)

    Coworker: “Hello?”

    Me: “Yeah, hey, I’m doing your shift. There’s this arthritis class in here complaining about the water temperature. They say that you know how to fix it for them. What exactly do you do?”

    Coworker: “Oh, haha! I always tell them I’m going to call the front desk and have the temperature cranked up. Then, I walk into the office, pick up the phone and just mouth words to the dial tone for a few seconds. Then I go back and tell them that they’re working on it.”

    Me: “Okay, man, awesome.”

    (I hang up and walk back to the class.)

    Me: *to the swimmers* “Uh, yeah…they said they’ll get on it right away.”

    Swimmer #1: “I feel better already!”

    May Top Story Roundup: Skyrim, Smoothies, Soap, Shadows, And Slips!

    , , , , | Not Always Right | Roundups

    May Top Story Roundup: From running thieves to running children, May’s top stories were filled with customers with nothing mentally running upstairs!

    1. Dovahkiin’s Day Off:
      A video game thief gets taken down, Dragonborn-style, by an unexpected hero.
    2. The Golden Rude:
      A delicious tale of a rude coffee customer getting what he deserves!
    3. Self Disservice:
      “Employees Must Wash Hands” and “Entitled Customers” don’t mix!
    4. Dumb Without Shadow Of A Doubt:
      A sandwich shop customer gets stupid over a shadow.
    5. Traveling At The Speed Of Stupid:
      An irresponsible parent slips up big time with her bratty offspring!

    PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!

    Traveling At The Speed Of Stupid

    | AB, Canada | Family & Kids, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I work at a pool as a lifeguard. We always have problems with children running, even though it is the number one rule at the pool to walk on deck.)

    Child: *runs across deck*

    Me: “Walk please.”

    (Five minutes later, the same child runs the other way.)

    Me: “WALK!”

    (Five minutes later, the child runs in front of me. I stop the child to make sure she understands me.)

    Me: “You need to walk, okay? If I need to ask you again, I will sit you out for three minutes.”

    (The child walks away and gets back into the pool. The mother approaches me.)

    Parent: “She’s not running. She just walks on her tip toes.”

    Me: “It’s not the manner of her movement. It’s the speed she’s moving.”

    Parent: “But she’s not running.”

    (Her child runs past again.)

    Me: “WALK!”

    Parent: “But she’s not run—”

    Child: *slips and falls*

    Weekend Roundup: Kids Say The Awesomest Things

    , , , , | Not Always Right Archives | Roundups

    Introducing Weekend Roundups: each week, we’ll be featuring some of our favorite stories from the Not Always Right archives.

    Kids Say The Awesomest Things! This week, we share five stories that show that kids are not only our best customers, but can be an employee’s best friend!

    1. Ah, Children:
      A misbehaving customer gets put in the time-out corner…by a toddler.
    2. They Swim Where The Sun Doesn’t Shine:
      When Blade meets The Little Mermaid, awesome ensues.
    3. Making A Hug(e) Difference:
      Every store needs a kid like this…seriously, can Not Always Right adopt this boy?
    4. Vocabulary, Meet Veracity:
      Proof that kids hear everything parents say.
    5. They Grow Up Too Fast:
      When the rubber hits the road, Ultimate Driving Machines come in all sizes.
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