I lifeguard for an indoor pool. A swimmer is swimming laps in a lane that we need them to vacate.

Lifeguard: “Excuse me, sir! The pool is closed.”

Sometimes we need to widen lane lines because there’s a class, because another guard’s performing a rescue, or for any other number of reasons.

The swimmer doesn’t acknowledge the guard, pushes off the wall, and keeps swimming.

We play a closing announcement over the intercom, loudly. [Lifeguard] wiggles their guard tube in the water to grab the swimmer’s attention as they return to that end of the lane.

Lifeguard: “Excuse me!”

The swimmer ignores the tube and pushes off again, likely pushing off the tube itself. All the lifeguards and staff exchange general looks of exasperation.

[Lifeguard] calls after the swimmer, blows a whistle, gets another guard or swim teacher to chase down the other end of the lane, etc. The swimmer somehow continues ignoring the guards.

[Lifeguard] and the staff FINALLY draw the swimmer’s attention.

Lifeguard: “The pool is closed; you need to get out now.”

Swimmer: *Grumbles and leaves*

How single-minded can you get? Missing the lifeguard standing at the poolside could be understandable if you were focusing on your laps, but I’d think the yelling, intercom announcement, whistle blasts, and BRIGHT RED TUBE WIGGLING IN YOUR FACE would be something you’d pause for — for at least a moment to check it out!

This isn’t just a single problem swimmer, mind you, but has played out with all sorts of people at different times of the day.

I am a lifeguard at a large water park. We have several water slides, with some being quite the thrill ride. Children smaller than the minimum height requirement are obviously not allowed to take the slide. This is signposted everywhere, especially at the start of the line to the slide to stop people wasting time waiting for a slide they can’t ride.

I see a kid with his mother and from experience, I already know he’s too small to ride. He excitedly runs up to the slide and I stop him.

Me: “Whoa, there, buddy, let’s put you up against the measuring stick first!”

The kid stands on his tiptoes, but I take this into account.

Me: “Sorry, buddy, you’re too small for this ride. We have lots of others for you though, such as—”

The mother immediately jumps in.

Mother: “How could you! He had his heart set on this slide! You need to let him on it!”

Me: “Ma’am, for his own safety I can’t do that.”

Mother: “He’s going to be upset all day! As his mother and I say it’s okay! You’re just a lifeguard! All you have to do is stop him from drowning!”

Me: “Ma’am, by preventing him from going down this slide that is exactly what I am doing.”

The mother opened her mouth to protest but others in the line shouted at her for making the rest of them wait. She walked back down with her son, who seemed mildly disappointed but more embarrassed about his mom’s behavior. I hope the little guy had a good day in the end.

I used to work as a lifeguard at a fitness center. Our policy was that any child who had not passed a swim test must be supervised by their parent or guardian while they were in the water. Many parents tried to use the lifeguards as free babysitters while they worked out or sat in the hot tub or sauna. Most parents would respect the rule when we told them to supervise their kids. One instance when they did not happened on a Saturday morning, which was often our busiest time.

I noticed that a man had left his young daughter — I would guess younger than five — alone in the pool while he went to the hot tub. I was the guard stationed closest to the hot tub, so I went over to tell him the policy.

Me: “Sir, you cannot leave your daughter unattended in the pool.”

Father: “It’s okay. She’s just in the shallow end.”

Me: “Our policy is that parents must attend any child that has not passed the swim test.”

Father: “I can watch her from here.”

That was false; you could barely see the pool when you were in the hot tub.

Me: “I’m sorry, but we need you to stay within arm’s reach of her in case she needs help.”

Father: *Now angry* “Isn’t your job to watch her?”

Me: “Yes, but we need parents to supervise their kids because it’s dangerous for them to be alone.”

Father: “This is ridiculous! I can watch her from here.”

Me: “Again, I’m sorry, but you need to stay near her. If you have any questions about the policy, you can go and talk to my manager.”

He went and grabbed his daughter from the pool and went to talk to my manager. I didn’t see him again, but I was told what went down.

This guy went and yelled at my manager until she cried. She was the best manager I had there and was not the type to cry easily. This earned him a ban from the fitness center.

But the worst part of the story happened when a different manager told him to not come back. She noticed that his breath smelled like he had been drinking — right before he loaded his daughter in the car and drove away. We called the police on him, but I never found out if anything happened.

At my town pool, they have three pools. There is the Swimming Pool, which is for lap swimming, water polo, and all those games. The second, known as the Baby Pool, is the smallest. Since you have to be at least four years old to go into the Swimming Pool, the toddlers are allowed to play in the small, easily watchable Baby Pool.

The final pool — the Splash Pool — is where this situation went down. This pool is full of cool blue and white structures that spray out water. It is the only pool that accepts water gun use, although there is “Peace Time” twice per day: Toddler Time and the first hour of opening. The first hour of opening is self-explanatory, but Toddler Time is when parents can allow their little ones to play without the fear of them being caught in the crossfire.

During wars, there are typically two “Clans” who took up territory and roleplay total destruction. My little brother and I usually get a good set of teammates due to the fact that we always carry big double-barreled-shotgun-like sprayers. On the day of this encounter, my friend was with us, using a big Super Soaker AR with multiple firing types. We had another teammate who only had a basic pistol, but I had played with him before and he had good tactics.

On the other Clan were two kids [Kid #1] and [Kid #2] with some pretty cool Super Soakers. They needed some more people, so when [Kid #3] and [Kid #4] came from the Swimming Pool, they handed them some basic foam push guns. Due to their soft padding, they were also used as batons for close-quarters combat, and it was always a good complimentary weapon when used correctly. Of course, with our pistol-wielding clansmen, we had ditched the batons. The war started, and almost immediately [Kid #3] and [Kid #4] charged at us with their guns held baton-style. [Kid #4] was shot in the face and started screaming. His friend got hit as well and stopped, trying to call a timeout. Their teammate came from behind them, confused.

Kid #4: “WHO SHOT ME?”

Friend: “Me. Why’d you call a timeout?”

Kid #3: “BECAUSE YOU SHOT MY FRIEND IN THE FACE!”

Little Brother: “Why wasn’t he wearing goggles? It’s his fault if he wasn’t.”

Kid #4: “SHUT UP! YOU GUYS ARE STUPID LITTLE PIECES OF S*** WITH YOUR STUPID GUNS!”

[Kid #4] started hitting my brother with his gun, and [Kid #1] and [Kid #2] yanked his and [Kid #3]’s guns away.

Kid #1: “You guys are terrible at the game! Go away!”

Kid #2: “You guys are also mean. We don’t want babies.”

[Kid #4] and [Kid #3] left the pool, [Kid #4] still crying, and they walked back toward the Swimming Pool. We started setting up a game with three teams of two, but before we could start playing, we heard a woman yelling at us. We looked in the direction of the voice to see a woman with [Kid #3] and [Kid #4] in tow. It was [Kid #3]’s mom.

Mom: “WHO HURT MY SON AND HIS FRIEND?!”

Me: “No one! They should have been wearing goggles if they didn’t want to get hit in the face!”

Mom: “What do you mean?! Why would my son be hit in the first place?!”

Me: “We were playing with our water guns. They were on a team and were shot. That’s the point of the game.”

Kid #3: “No! He’s lying! They shot us when we were minding our own business!”

Kid #1: “Hey, that’s not true! You guys were f—”

Mom: “You think it’s funny to attack my son?! Give me your weapon, now!”

She tried grabbing for my gun, and [Little Brother] just sprayed her.

Mom: “YOU BRAT! DON’T TOUCH ME!”

Me: “Stay back!”

I started thinking of the worst thing I could say and found a good word.

Me: “Stay back, b****!”

Mom: “EXCUSE ME?! THAT’S IT! WHERE ARE YOUR PARENTS?!”

Me: “They aren’t here. They dropped us off! Leave us be, or I’ll spray you again!”

Mom: “Wow! Your parents aren’t here to chaperone in a pool! That’s very dangerous. I will call the police because I guess you are being neglected by them!”

She thought she had won, and she started to walk away. [Friend] and I, figuring this was over, started playing Rock Paper Scissors. [Mom] looked over her shoulder and saw us.

Mom: “What are you doing?!”

Friend: “Playing a game.”

Mom: “No! You are insulting me!”

[Mom] started trudging toward us in the water, and [Little Brother] sprayed her again. She got up close to [Little Brother] and started yanking the gun away from him. Some nearby man started screaming at [Mom], telling her to stop. She ignored him until a whistle was blown. Then, she looked at the man. He had his shirt off and was wearing red pants that said “Lifeguard” on them, and he had a whistle in his mouth.

Mom: “HELP ME! THESE VIOLENT CHILDREN ARE ATTACKING ME!”

Lifeguard: “No. They were playing with water guns. Toddler Time was an hour ago, so there is no reason they can’t play. Those boys did agree to play. I’m asking you to leave the pool, now!”

Mom: “NO! THAT’S NOT FAIR!”

The lifeguard walked over to his chair and grabbed a walkie-talkie. He called for pool management staff. A minute later, an employee was there with two other lifeguards, and they forced [Mom], [Kid #3], and [Kid #4] to pick up their items and leave.

We found two new kids to play with us and continued our war until closing time.

I work as a lifeguard while in high school. One afternoon, a boy, eight years old or so, assumes the diving position at the edge of the shallow end of the pool.

Me: “That water isn’t deep enough; you might hit your head on the bottom of the pool if you dive there! You can dive into the deeper water at the other end.”

A few minutes later, he comes back and tries to dive into the shallow water again. As I start to “remind” him that diving isn’t allowed there, his mother comes over.

Mother: “How dare you tell my boy what he can and cannot do here?! If he wants to dive here, you’d better d*** well let him! You don’t tell him what to do.”

Yet again, I explain that the rule is for his safety and the safety of the small children playing in the water where her son is trying to dive. Her response?

Mother: “If he cracks his skull open, it’s his own problem, not yours!“

Me: “Ma’am, since I am the lifeguard on duty at the moment, your son’s fractured skull would indeed be my problem.”

She gathered up her kid and stormed out.