November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Driving Miss Crazy, Part 2

| Wyoming, USA | Wild & Unruly

(We’ve had to close down a road due to a car crash in a snow storm. Fire trucks and ambulances are there with lights flashing to block the road. I’m at one side of the street directing traffic.)

Driver: *slows down looking at the scene* “What happened?”

Me: “Accident, ma’am. Please keep moving.”

Driver: “Can I go down the street? It’s a shortcut.”

Me: “The road is closed, but you need to keep moving…you are going to cause another accident.”

Driver: “I didn’t cause any accident! I’m a good driver, how dare you imply that I’m not?! I’m just trying to get home…why are you being so rude?! I will have your badge, you little b****!”

Me: “Ma’am if you are not going to move then you need to pull to the side of the road now!”

Driver: “I pay your salary! You are supposed to help people! Don’t you want me to get home? I have a family, you know!”

Me: “Ma’am, if you do not pull to the side of the road right now or drive away I am going to arrest you.”

Driver: “Fine!”

(With that, she drives straight down the closed street and nearly hits me. Due to all the snow she loses control and crashes into one of the parked cruisers.)

Driver: “This is all your fault! Why didn’t you tell me the road was closed?!”

Driving Miss Crazy

Fast, Furious, And Fined

| Cadillac, MI, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m a police officer and have just pulled over a driver for speeding.)

Me: “Ma’am, do you know why I pulled you over?”

Driver: “Yes…I was speeding.”

Me: “Ah, so you know you were speeding.”

Driver: “Yes, but I’ve got a movie due back in eight minutes!”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry, but that’s not a real reason to be speeding–”

Driver: “Well, fine! You pay the one dollar late fee!”

Bugging Out

| Florida, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “911, what’s your emergency?”

Caller: “If anyone calls about screaming coming from **** Road, disregard it. I just had a bug on me.” *click*

Outlaws In Utero

| San Francisco, CA, USA | Uncategorized

Caller: “I want to complain. I was driving in the carpool lane and I got a ticket, but I’m pregnant with twins, so they count as two passengers!”

Me: “Um…I don’t think the policeman would have any way of knowing that…”

Caller: “But I showed him a picture from my ultrasound!”

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but I’m pretty sure passengers have to be outside of your body.”

Caller: “Oh!”

Why Don’t You Call The Cops On ‘Em

| Zephyrhills, FL USA | Uncategorized

(The number to our police department is only one digit off from a doctor’s office, so we often get wrong numbers.)

Me: “Police Department.”

Caller: “My doctor wrote a prescription for me for an X-ray and I need to make an appointment.”

Me: “Okay, and how can the police department help you?”

Caller: “Police department?! I was calling Dr. ***’s office! How DARE you answer his phone!”