October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Should Have Pleaded The Fifth

| Maine, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Uncategorized

(We use a simple chalk-marking system to monitor how long cars have been parked downtown.)

Man: *seeing me make a small chalk mark on a car tire* “Hey! You can’t do that!”

Me: “I’m pretty sure I can.”

Man: “That’s illegal!”

Me: *marking the next car* “How is it illegal?”

Man: “It’s against the Fourth Amendment!”

Me: “You mean the Fourth Amendment, which protects you from unlawful searches and seizures?”

Man: “Don’t get medical with me!”

Rare Flashes Of Intelligence

| Arizona, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Police Department, how may I help you?”

Caller: “Yes. I’m over at the truck stop and there’s a girl here selling perfume. But she’s going around to all the truckers and flashing them. I think she’s selling more than perfume.”

Me: “Alright sir, I can dispatch an officer. Can you describe the girl to me?”

Caller: “Oh, about a B cup. Not too bad but nothing you would want to go home and brag to mom about.”

Me: “Er…what about her hair color and skin color?”

Caller: “Oh…I guess your question makes more sense now.”

Driving Miss Crazy, Part 2

| Wyoming, USA | Wild & Unruly

(We’ve had to close down a road due to a car crash in a snow storm. Fire trucks and ambulances are there with lights flashing to block the road. I’m at one side of the street directing traffic.)

Driver: *slows down looking at the scene* “What happened?”

Me: “Accident, ma’am. Please keep moving.”

Driver: “Can I go down the street? It’s a shortcut.”

Me: “The road is closed, but you need to keep moving…you are going to cause another accident.”

Driver: “I didn’t cause any accident! I’m a good driver, how dare you imply that I’m not?! I’m just trying to get home…why are you being so rude?! I will have your badge, you little b****!”

Me: “Ma’am if you are not going to move then you need to pull to the side of the road now!”

Driver: “I pay your salary! You are supposed to help people! Don’t you want me to get home? I have a family, you know!”

Me: “Ma’am, if you do not pull to the side of the road right now or drive away I am going to arrest you.”

Driver: “Fine!”

(With that, she drives straight down the closed street and nearly hits me. Due to all the snow she loses control and crashes into one of the parked cruisers.)

Driver: “This is all your fault! Why didn’t you tell me the road was closed?!”

Driving Miss Crazy

Fast, Furious, And Fined

| Cadillac, MI, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m a police officer and have just pulled over a driver for speeding.)

Me: “Ma’am, do you know why I pulled you over?”

Driver: “Yes…I was speeding.”

Me: “Ah, so you know you were speeding.”

Driver: “Yes, but I’ve got a movie due back in eight minutes!”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry, but that’s not a real reason to be speeding–”

Driver: “Well, fine! You pay the one dollar late fee!”

Bugging Out

| Florida, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “911, what’s your emergency?”

Caller: “If anyone calls about screaming coming from **** Road, disregard it. I just had a bug on me.” *click*

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