November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

When Call Center Levels Reach Their Ceiling

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello. This is [station]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “I live in a condo, and there is a leak in the pipes. Water is leaking behind the living room wall and building management won’t fix it.”

Me: “Okay. Why are you calling the police?”

Caller: “Well, it’s an emergency. They won’t fix it. They say it’s my problem because the leak is in my unit.”

Me: “Have you called a plumber?”

Caller: “No. It’s an emergency. That’s why I called you. If the water keeps leaking, the ceiling could fall in.”

Me: “Ma’am, if you think the ceiling is going to fall in, leave your unit and call a plumber.”

Caller: “But I need help now!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s your choice. If you think you’re in danger, leave your unit. Unless you’re being crushed by falling sheet rock, this is not a police matter. Please hang up and call a plumber.”

Caller: “So, if the ceiling falls on me, I can call you back?”

Me: “Yes.”

Caller: “Okay, thanks.” *click*

Try Calling Nine-One-Number-Two

| Delano, CA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “911, what’s your emergency?”

Caller: “I need help, Hurry, Hurry!” *hangs up*

(I try to call back but get no answer. Two officers are sent, this is what I am told happened:)

(The officers are met at the door by the caller.)

Caller: “In the bathroom. Hurry! Hurry!”

(The officers go to the bathroom, but don’t see anything wrong.)

Officer: “What happened? Why do you need the police?”

Caller: “My toilet is plugged up. I need you to fix it.”

Officer: “We don’t fix toilets. You need a plumber. 911 is for emergencies only.”

Caller: “This is an emergency. I need to use the toilet now!”

Policemen Never Take Sabbath-icals

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Religion, Uncategorized

(I pull a man over who is speeding and weaving between cars on the highway.)

Driver: “Are you off duty? You can’t do traffic stops if you are off duty.”

Me: “No, sir. See my uniform and marked vehicle?” *I point to my car with full lights on top and police written all over it*

Driver: “They make you work on Sunday?”

Me: “Yes, sir. We are 24/7.”

Driver: “But who would commit a crime on a Sunday? That is blasphemy. They’ll go to hell!”

Should Have Pleaded The Fifth

| Maine, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Uncategorized

(We use a simple chalk-marking system to monitor how long cars have been parked downtown.)

Man: *seeing me make a small chalk mark on a car tire* “Hey! You can’t do that!”

Me: “I’m pretty sure I can.”

Man: “That’s illegal!”

Me: *marking the next car* “How is it illegal?”

Man: “It’s against the Fourth Amendment!”

Me: “You mean the Fourth Amendment, which protects you from unlawful searches and seizures?”

Man: “Don’t get medical with me!”

Rare Flashes Of Intelligence

| Arizona, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Police Department, how may I help you?”

Caller: “Yes. I’m over at the truck stop and there’s a girl here selling perfume. But she’s going around to all the truckers and flashing them. I think she’s selling more than perfume.”

Me: “Alright sir, I can dispatch an officer. Can you describe the girl to me?”

Caller: “Oh, about a B cup. Not too bad but nothing you would want to go home and brag to mom about.”

Me: “Er…what about her hair color and skin color?”

Caller: “Oh…I guess your question makes more sense now.”