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    Rare Flashes Of Intelligence

    | Arizona, USA |

    Me: “Police Department, how may I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes. I’m over at the truck stop and there’s a girl here selling perfume. But she’s going around to all the truckers and flashing them. I think she’s selling more than perfume.”

    Me: “Alright sir, I can dispatch an officer. Can you describe the girl to me?”

    Caller: “Oh, about a B cup. Not too bad but nothing you would want to go home and brag to mom about.”

    Me: “Er…what about her hair color and skin color?”

    Caller: “Oh…I guess your question makes more sense now.”

    Driving Miss Crazy, Part 2

    | Wyoming, USA | Wild & Unruly

    (We’ve had to close down a road due to a car crash in a snow storm. Fire trucks and ambulances are there with lights flashing to block the road. I’m at one side of the street directing traffic.)

    Driver: *slows down looking at the scene* “What happened?”

    Me: “Accident, ma’am. Please keep moving.”

    Driver: “Can I go down the street? It’s a shortcut.”

    Me: “The road is closed, but you need to keep moving…you are going to cause another accident.”

    Driver: “I didn’t cause any accident! I’m a good driver, how dare you imply that I’m not?! I’m just trying to get home…why are you being so rude?! I will have your badge, you little b****!”

    Me: “Ma’am if you are not going to move then you need to pull to the side of the road now!”

    Driver: “I pay your salary! You are supposed to help people! Don’t you want me to get home? I have a family, you know!”

    Me: “Ma’am, if you do not pull to the side of the road right now or drive away I am going to arrest you.”

    Driver: “Fine!”

    (With that, she drives straight down the closed street and nearly hits me. Due to all the snow she loses control and crashes into one of the parked cruisers.)

    Driver: “This is all your fault! Why didn’t you tell me the road was closed?!”

    Related:
    Driving Miss Crazy

    Fast, Furious, And Fined

    | Cadillac, MI, USA |

    (I’m a police officer and have just pulled over a driver for speeding.)

    Me: “Ma’am, do you know why I pulled you over?”

    Driver: “Yes…I was speeding.”

    Me: “Ah, so you know you were speeding.”

    Driver: “Yes, but I’ve got a movie due back in eight minutes!”

    Me: “Well, I’m sorry, but that’s not a real reason to be speeding–”

    Driver: “Well, fine! You pay the one dollar late fee!”

    Bugging Out

    | Florida, USA |

    Me: “911, what’s your emergency?”

    Caller: “If anyone calls about screaming coming from **** Road, disregard it. I just had a bug on me.” *click*

    Outlaws In Utero

    | San Francisco, CA, USA |

    Caller: “I want to complain. I was driving in the carpool lane and I got a ticket, but I’m pregnant with twins, so they count as two passengers!”

    Me: “Um…I don’t think the policeman would have any way of knowing that…”

    Caller: “But I showed him a picture from my ultrasound!”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but I’m pretty sure passengers have to be outside of your body.”

    Caller: “Oh!”

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