Not Something To Horse Around About

| New Hampshire, USA | Pets & Animals

(We’ve just had a major accident in town. It’s a small department, and only one officer is on. A lady calls about fireworks going off near her house.)

Me: “Good evening, [town] Police.”

Caller: “There are fireworks going off and my horse is very upset!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but right now all calls that are not priority are being held. We have a major accident in town. Our officers cannot leave the scene right now.”

Caller: “You mean to tell me that’s more important then my horse? He’s really upset! He’s crying!”

Me: “I wasn’t aware horses could cry. I will let the officer know.”

Caller: “You people should get your priorities straight! My horse is more important then any accident!” *hangs up*


(To our US readers, from the NAR Staff: Happy 4th of July! Have fun and stay safe!)

So Much For Spit & Run

, | Copenhagen, Denmark | At The Checkout, Top, Wild & Unruly

(In our store, all cash registers have a button that’ll ring a bell in out lunchroom and back room if a cashier is in danger. I hear the bell ring, and run out to find my boss, who has also run out to check on the cashier.)

Boss: “What happened?”

Cashier: “A customer threatened to beat me over short change, even though I gave him the correct change. He just left a second ago!”

(My boss and I walk out the store and quickly spot the customer in question. He’s not hard to miss, as he’s now cursing at his wife.)

Me: “Did you threaten my coworker?”

Customer: “Yeah. So?!”

Boss: “I’m gonna have to ask you to come back in with us so we can sort this out.”

Customer: “F*** you!”

(The customer runs across the road, so my boss and I run after him as quickly as possibly. We finally catch up with him on the park lawn on the other side of the road.)

Boss: “[My name], grab his bags.”

(Before I can react, my boss has tackled him from behind using an American football tackle and hammerlocked him before picking him up from the ground.)

Customer: “When we get to the back room, I’m gonna punch your lights out!”

Boss: “You’re welcome to try.”

Customer: *shuts up*

(We call the cops, and after a few minutes they get here. We explain everything as his wife pleads with the cops.)

Cop: “We’re gonna let you off with a 300 kroner ticket if you apologize to every—”

Customer: *spits on cop* “Screw you!”

Cop: “…and now, you’re going to jail!”

When Call Center Levels Reach Their Ceiling

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello. This is [station]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “I live in a condo, and there is a leak in the pipes. Water is leaking behind the living room wall and building management won’t fix it.”

Me: “Okay. Why are you calling the police?”

Caller: “Well, it’s an emergency. They won’t fix it. They say it’s my problem because the leak is in my unit.”

Me: “Have you called a plumber?”

Caller: “No. It’s an emergency. That’s why I called you. If the water keeps leaking, the ceiling could fall in.”

Me: “Ma’am, if you think the ceiling is going to fall in, leave your unit and call a plumber.”

Caller: “But I need help now!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s your choice. If you think you’re in danger, leave your unit. Unless you’re being crushed by falling sheet rock, this is not a police matter. Please hang up and call a plumber.”

Caller: “So, if the ceiling falls on me, I can call you back?”

Me: “Yes.”

Caller: “Okay, thanks.” *click*

Try Calling Nine-One-Number-Two

| Delano, CA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “911, what’s your emergency?”

Caller: “I need help, Hurry, Hurry!” *hangs up*

(I try to call back but get no answer. Two officers are sent, this is what I am told happened:)

(The officers are met at the door by the caller.)

Caller: “In the bathroom. Hurry! Hurry!”

(The officers go to the bathroom, but don’t see anything wrong.)

Officer: “What happened? Why do you need the police?”

Caller: “My toilet is plugged up. I need you to fix it.”

Officer: “We don’t fix toilets. You need a plumber. 911 is for emergencies only.”

Caller: “This is an emergency. I need to use the toilet now!”

Policemen Never Take Sabbath-icals

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Religion, Uncategorized

(I pull a man over who is speeding and weaving between cars on the highway.)

Driver: “Are you off duty? You can’t do traffic stops if you are off duty.”

Me: “No, sir. See my uniform and marked vehicle?” *I point to my car with full lights on top and police written all over it*

Driver: “They make you work on Sunday?”

Me: “Yes, sir. We are 24/7.”

Driver: “But who would commit a crime on a Sunday? That is blasphemy. They’ll go to hell!”

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