(I’m a police officer in full uniform. I stop in a local store and notice a loud customer ahead of me in the line.)

Cashier: “Sir, you haven’t paid for that. If you leave the store, it’s stealing.”

Customer: “Bull-s***! You did something with my card; you took my money! I’m leaving with this stuff.”

Cashier: “No, the order was cancelled for insufficient funds. You left to get another card; the whole order needs to be rescanned.”

(I realize that the loud customer hasn’t seen me yet. I excuse myself from the line, and move behind the irate customer as he starts mouthing off to the cashier.)

Me: “Sir, you need to calm down and let the lady do her job. She’s trying to help you as fast as she can.”

Customer: “Man, f*** you. Who the f*** do you think you—”

(He turns around to look at me, and immediately goes all sheepish.)

Customer: “Sorry, officer.”

Me: “Yeah, I thought so.”

(The customer calms down, and is out of the store in five minutes. It’s a shame that some people will not act civilly unless they’re given a friendly reminder that there are consequences for acting like a turd.)

(A man walks into our police department and approaches the dispatch counter.)

Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

Man: “I was just at a yard sale and brought a nice wood trunk, but when I got it home I looked inside and it was full of dynamite. It looks old and unstable.”

Me: “And where is it now?”

Man: “It’s in the back of my truck.”

Me: “Okay, and where is your truck?”

Man: “Outside in your parking lot!”

(And that is how our police department ended up getting evacuated for three hours. He parked, of all places, next to the supervisor’s brand new personal truck. Thankfully, it was found to be dummy training dynamite!)

(We’ve just had a major accident in town. It’s a small department, and only one officer is on. A lady calls about fireworks going off near her house.)

Me: “Good evening, [town] Police.”

Caller: “There are fireworks going off and my horse is very upset!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but right now all calls that are not priority are being held. We have a major accident in town. Our officers cannot leave the scene right now.”

Caller: “You mean to tell me that’s more important then my horse? He’s really upset! He’s crying!”

Me: “I wasn’t aware horses could cry. I will let the officer know.”

Caller: “You people should get your priorities straight! My horse is more important then any accident!” *hangs up*

(To our US readers, from the NAR Staff: Happy 4th of July! Have fun and stay safe!)

(In our store, all cash registers have a button that’ll ring a bell in out lunchroom and back room if a cashier is in danger. I hear the bell ring, and run out to find my boss, who has also run out to check on the cashier.)

Boss: “What happened?”

Cashier: “A customer threatened to beat me over short change, even though I gave him the correct change. He just left a second ago!”

(My boss and I walk out the store and quickly spot the customer in question. He’s not hard to miss, as he’s now cursing at his wife.)

Me: “Did you threaten my coworker?”

Customer: “Yeah. So?!”

Boss: “I’m gonna have to ask you to come back in with us so we can sort this out.”

Customer: “F*** you!”

(The customer runs across the road, so my boss and I run after him as quickly as possibly. We finally catch up with him on the park lawn on the other side of the road.)

Boss: “[My name], grab his bags.”

(Before I can react, my boss has tackled him from behind using an American football tackle and hammerlocked him before picking him up from the ground.)

Customer: “When we get to the back room, I’m gonna punch your lights out!”

Boss: “You’re welcome to try.”

Customer: *shuts up*

(We call the cops, and after a few minutes they get here. We explain everything as his wife pleads with the cops.)

Cop: “We’re gonna let you off with a 300 kroner ticket if you apologize to every—”

Customer: *spits on cop* “Screw you!”

Cop: “…and now, you’re going to jail!”

Me: “Hello. This is [station]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “I live in a condo, and there is a leak in the pipes. Water is leaking behind the living room wall and building management won’t fix it.”

Me: “Okay. Why are you calling the police?”

Caller: “Well, it’s an emergency. They won’t fix it. They say it’s my problem because the leak is in my unit.”

Me: “Have you called a plumber?”

Caller: “No. It’s an emergency. That’s why I called you. If the water keeps leaking, the ceiling could fall in.”

Me: “Ma’am, if you think the ceiling is going to fall in, leave your unit and call a plumber.”

Caller: “But I need help now!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s your choice. If you think you’re in danger, leave your unit. Unless you’re being crushed by falling sheet rock, this is not a police matter. Please hang up and call a plumber.”

Caller: “So, if the ceiling falls on me, I can call you back?”

Me: “Yes.”

Caller: “Okay, thanks.” *click*