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  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • Going For Broke With The Gouda

    | Cottonwood Heights, UT, USA |

    Me: *on the phone* “**** Pizza, will this be for delivery or carry-out?”

    Caller: “Delivery.”

    (We go through the order, and we come to the toppings.)

    Caller: “Yeah, a supreme pizza. And make sure the toppings aren’t cheesy!”

    Me: “You don’t want cheese on them?”

    Caller: “No! I said I don’t want them to be cheesy!”

    Me: “Um, our toppings are of good quality…”

    Caller: “I’m sure they are, but I don’t want them cheesy! CHEESY!”

    (I hear a kid’s voice in the background.)

    Caller: “Oh, my eight-year-old says to say, ‘don’t hold back on the toppings’. You understand that?”

    Me: “Oh…yes, I understand now.”

    Caller: “Good. Don’t be cheesy.”

    Perhaps You Can Blame A Guy For Trying

    | Guelph, Ontario, Canada |

    (On Tuesdays, we have a buy-one-get-one-free deal on medium pizzas. The day this exchange happened was a Thursday.)

    Me: “Welcome to ****, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’d like a medium pepperoni pizza please.”

    Me: “OK then. Can I get you anything else?”

    Customer: “Well, I wasn’t here on Tuesday, so I was wondering if I could get my second free pizza today?”

    Me: “Well, the deal is only applicable on Tuesdays, so I’m afraid I can’t help you.”

    Customer: “OK. Well, I won’t be here next Tuesday, so can I get my free one from then?”

    Me: “I’m very sorry sir, but the deal on is only available on TUESDAYS.”

    Customer: “OK, I’ll be back in a bit to get my pizza.”

    (He leaves, then comes back ten minutes later.)

    Customer: “So…say I woke up this morning and thought it was Tuesday?”

    Me: “…”

    Pick-Up Fails To Deliver

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like to order a small pizza.”

    Me: “Sure, anything else today?”

    Customer: “My number?”

    Me: “…anything else?”

    Customer: “My number?” *smiles*

    Me:Your number…?”

    Customer: “…sorry, I wanted to try that pick-up line out.”

    Me: “Oh…well…it didn’t work. Have a nice day.”

    Customer: *walks away with his head down*

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    Don’t Burn Your Bridges Or We’ll Burn Your Pizza

    , | Columbus, OH, USA |

    Me: “Welcome to [pizza place], how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I have a pickup for Smith.”

    Me: “That name doesn’t show up in our system… what phone number did you place it under?”

    Customer: *gives phone number*

    Me: “That’s the number for our competitor.”

    Customer: “Yes, I know… but the last time I went there, the service was so bad I told them I would never come back, and I don’t want them to know I’m ordering again. So, I thought maybe you guys could go pick it up for me?”

    How To Scam A Scammer, Part 6

    , | Tacoma, WA, USA |

    (I’m a customer waiting for my pizza and overhear this conversation.)

    Cashier, to another customer: “Hey, what can I get you?”

    Customer: “Just a bottle of water, please.”

    Cashier: “Sure, that’ll come to $1.09.”

    (The customer hands him two dollars, and then pauses.)

    Customer: “Actually, could I get you to exchange these five ones for a five?”

    Cashier: “Sure.”

    Customer: “Oh, wait… can I exchange the two fives for a ten?”

    (This continues for a few minutes until the cashier smiles and says that he has to get back to work helping me, since my pizza is ready. The guy leaves.)

    Me: “People like that always make me nervous. I’ve had bad run-ins with short changers.”

    Cashier: “Yeah, I was wise to his game, though.”

    Me: “Oh, yeah?”

    Cashier: “Yeah. He shorted himself two dollars.”

    Related:
    How To Scam A Scammer, Part 5
    How To Scam A Scammer, Part 4
    How To Scam A Scammer, Part 3
    How To Scam A Scammer, Part 2
    Lesson 1, How To Scam A Scammer

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