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    Definitely Not In The Job Description

    | Chilliwack, BC, Canada | Top

    Me: “Thanks for calling [pizza place]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes, I would like…” *places order as usual*

    Me: “Okay, is there anything else I can do for you?”

    Caller: “Yes! When the driver arrives, could you tell him these instructions?”

    Me: “Okay. I’ll be your driver, by the way.”

    Caller: “Alright. First, I want you to knock on the window 3 times, then yell like a Wookie. Then knock 2 more times and make alien noises.”

    Me: “Alien…noises?”

    Caller: “You know the ‘click’ and stuff. Like in the movie…uhh, what movie is that again?”

    Me: “You mean Signs?”

    Caller: “Yeah! That’s the one. Okay, so after you does that, knock three more times and then yell, ‘PLANKTON!’”

    Me: “Anything else?”

    Caller: “Oh yeah, do you have any lingerie?”

    Me: “Not on me…”

    Caller: “Oh, well you should drive home and then find some, and wear that to the door.”

    Me: “Okay, is that all, ma’am?”

    Caller: “Yeah, but don’t forget the lingerie!”

    (I decide to go along with the caller’s request, put on some shorts, and roll the legs up so it’s similar to a Speedo. Half an hour later, I arrive at their door. The entire party comes outside to watch my show of knocks and clicks, and then poses with me to take pictures. I got a $15 tip, too!)

    Going For Broke With The Gouda

    | Cottonwood Heights, UT, USA |

    Me: *on the phone* “**** Pizza, will this be for delivery or carry-out?”

    Caller: “Delivery.”

    (We go through the order, and we come to the toppings.)

    Caller: “Yeah, a supreme pizza. And make sure the toppings aren’t cheesy!”

    Me: “You don’t want cheese on them?”

    Caller: “No! I said I don’t want them to be cheesy!”

    Me: “Um, our toppings are of good quality…”

    Caller: “I’m sure they are, but I don’t want them cheesy! CHEESY!”

    (I hear a kid’s voice in the background.)

    Caller: “Oh, my eight-year-old says to say, ‘don’t hold back on the toppings’. You understand that?”

    Me: “Oh…yes, I understand now.”

    Caller: “Good. Don’t be cheesy.”

    Perhaps You Can Blame A Guy For Trying

    | Guelph, Ontario, Canada |

    (On Tuesdays, we have a buy-one-get-one-free deal on medium pizzas. The day this exchange happened was a Thursday.)

    Me: “Welcome to ****, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’d like a medium pepperoni pizza please.”

    Me: “OK then. Can I get you anything else?”

    Customer: “Well, I wasn’t here on Tuesday, so I was wondering if I could get my second free pizza today?”

    Me: “Well, the deal is only applicable on Tuesdays, so I’m afraid I can’t help you.”

    Customer: “OK. Well, I won’t be here next Tuesday, so can I get my free one from then?”

    Me: “I’m very sorry sir, but the deal on is only available on TUESDAYS.”

    Customer: “OK, I’ll be back in a bit to get my pizza.”

    (He leaves, then comes back ten minutes later.)

    Customer: “So…say I woke up this morning and thought it was Tuesday?”

    Me: “…”

    Pick-Up Fails To Deliver

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like to order a small pizza.”

    Me: “Sure, anything else today?”

    Customer: “My number?”

    Me: “…anything else?”

    Customer: “My number?” *smiles*

    Me:Your number…?”

    Customer: “…sorry, I wanted to try that pick-up line out.”

    Me: “Oh…well…it didn’t work. Have a nice day.”

    Customer: *walks away with his head down*

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    Don’t Burn Your Bridges Or We’ll Burn Your Pizza

    , | Columbus, OH, USA |

    Me: “Welcome to [pizza place], how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I have a pickup for Smith.”

    Me: “That name doesn’t show up in our system… what phone number did you place it under?”

    Customer: *gives phone number*

    Me: “That’s the number for our competitor.”

    Customer: “Yes, I know… but the last time I went there, the service was so bad I told them I would never come back, and I don’t want them to know I’m ordering again. So, I thought maybe you guys could go pick it up for me?”

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