November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

At Lagerheads, Part 2

| Reading, PA, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

(I am working late at a local pizzeria. I’m already pretty aggravated due to having to cover someone else’s shift who called off that night, but I have managed to keep my cool. A customer calls in on the phone to place an order for delivery. He sounds fairly plastered already but is polite enough so I begin to take his order.)

Me: “What can I get for you tonight, sir?”

Customer: “I’d like two plain pizzas, a cheese steak stromboli, an order of hot wings, and a six pack of Heineken.”

Me: “Sir, we can’t deliver beer.”

Customer: “Why the h*** not?”

Me: “Well, sir, we just don’t. It’s against company policy. Now, can I get your name and address so we can send your food out to you?”

Customer: “Sure, but I’d like to change the order.”

Me: “Okay, no problem, what’s it going to be?”

Customer: “Well I said two plain pizzas, but now I’d like you to reach down your pants and tear out a large handful of pubic hair and toss it on top of my pizzas.”

Me: “Not a problem, sir; that’s complimentary and is included in each and every one of our meals free of charge.”

Customer: “F*** you. I’ll be in to pick it up shortly.”

(I figured he was way too drunk to drive over, so I didn’t make his order. I was right.)

At Lagerheads

Time To Sing Jailhouse Rock

| Saskatchewan, Canada | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Top

(My primary job is delivering pizzas, but I’m also the lead vocalist in a metal band that’s popular in the local area. We’re not well known much further than that. We recently played a show where we also sold a small amount of merchandise.)

Me: *handing pizzas to customer* “That’ll be $35.”

(The customer hands me the money. I notice that he’s wearing a hoodie with our band’s name and logo on it.)

Me: “Nice hoodie!”

Customer: “Yeah, man! I was at the show last weekend.”

Me: “Awesome, how’d you like it?”

Customer: “They’re wicked, man! I feel kinda bad for taking this hoodie right of off the wall.”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “Were you there, too?”

Me: “Yes, I was the one holding the microphone.”

The Usual, As Usual As Possible

| Windsor, ON, Canada | Food & Drink

Caller: “Can I get 3 pizzas and an order of bread sticks?”

Me: “Sure, no problem!”

Caller: “But I don’t want the bread like you usually make it.”

Me: “Okay, how would you like it?”

Caller: “I want it softer to bite into.”

Me: “Okay.”

Caller: “But i don’t want it lightly done.”

(The caller pauses, and I’m not sure what to say.)

Caller: “…and I don’t want it burnt.”

Me: *lightbulb turns on* “Okay, so you would like it normal?”

Caller: “Yes.”

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 10

| USA | Uncategorized

(I am taking a delivery order.)

Me: “And how will you be paying tonight? Cash or credit?”

Caller: “Credit.”

Me: “What type of card is it?”

(The caller states the name of her bank.)

Me: “No, ma’am. I meant is it a Visa, MasterCard?”

Caller: “Oh, Visa.”

Me: “The number?”

Caller: “What number do you want?”

Me: “The big one on the front.”

Caller: “Oh, really. All of it?”

(She provides twelve numbers.)

Me: “I need four more numbers.”

Caller: “Oh, sorry. I didn’t see them there. 1234.”

Me: “Okay. And the expiration date?”

Caller: “Where do you find that?”

Me: “The bottom right corner.”

(A few seconds of silence pass.)

Caller, talking to someone else: “Find the expiration date for me.”

(She finally finds it and gives it to me. I arrive with her order, and hand her the credit card receipt. She turns to her friend, and hands it to her.)

Caller, to her friend: “Sign this for me. I don’t know how.”

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 9
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 8
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 7
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 6
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 5
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 4
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 3
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 2
This Is Why We’re In A Recession

Deliver Us From Stupidity

| Tempe, AZ, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi thank you for calling [pizza chain]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I ordered a pizza two hours ago and it still hasn’t arrived.”

Me: “I am sorry about that, sir. Can I get your phone number? We can see what happened.”

(The customer gives me the phone number.)

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but it appears your order was placed for carryout.”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t understand what that means.”

Me: “Well, it means you need to actually come down to the store and pick it up.”

Customer: “Oh, I thought it meant you would carry it out to me.”

Me: “No sir, that would be delivery. Would you like me to switch it to delivery for you?

Customer: “What does that mean?”