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    McMahon Would Be Proud

    | Ontario, Canada | Food & Drink

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

    (Note: the customer speaks like a wrestling announcer, which continues for this entire conversation.)

    Customer: “I need a medium pizza with four, count ‘em, four toppings!”

    Me: “Alright, let me just grab a pen to write your order.”

    Customer: “What are those toppings you may ask? Well, they are mushrooms, green peppers, pineapple, and sliced tomatoes!”

    Me: “Alright sir, I have all of that written down and your pizza should be ready in about–”

    Customer: “I will return in ten, count ‘em, ten minutes, and my pizza had better be ready!”

    Me: “Well we will certainly do our best, sir.”

    Customer: “Good! And if your best is not good enough, well, so be it!”

    A Not So Bitter End

    | Spokane, WA, USA | Top

    Customer: “Are you in charge of the salad bar?”

    Me: “Of course. I make sure all the food is fresh. Was something wrong?”

    Customer: “Your dressings are too sweet!”

    Me: “We buy our dressings pre-packaged, but it is possible that something went wrong somewhere along the way. Which one was it?”

    Customer: “The dressing!”

    Me: “They are all too sweet?”

    Customer: “Were you born simple? The dressing is sweet!”

    Me: “Is it red, orange, white, or brown?”

    Customer: “The brown one is too sweet!”

    Me: “That’s the balsamic vinaigrette. It shouldn’t be sweet at all, but I will pull it and put out a new container of dressing for you.”

    Customer: “Thank you! Was that so difficult?”

    (I begin to pull the only brown dressing we have and she stops me.)

    Customer: “My God, you are such an idiot! You’re pulling the wrong d*** dressing!”

    Me: “You said the brown dressing, right? I am pulling the brown dressing like you asked.”

    Customer: “Not that dressing, you idiot, this brown dressing. You are so stupid!” *points*

    Me: “You mean the chocolate pudding?”

    Giving A Pizza His Mind

    | St. Petersburg, FL, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Pizza Place]. Would you like to try our 2 for $20 special today?”

    Customer: “I hate my wife!”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Customer: “She’s such a b****! I never did anything to deserve this. She’s so demanding and I can’t deal with it!” *continues ranting for a few minutes*

    Me: “Sir, did you want to order a pizza?”

    Customer: “No, I just needed someone to vent on.”

    Me: “Oh. Well, I hope I helped.”

    Customer: “It feels good to get that out! Have a good night.”

    Me: “You too, sir!”

    Customer: *click*

    Make A Pesto Oneself

    | Italy | Top

    (I am a 17 year old girl working at a pizzeria. A tourist who looks about forty approaches me, looking angry.)

    Tourist: “How dare you sell this food in an Italian restaurant!”

    Me: “Sir, I’m not entirely sure what you mean.”

    Tourist: “This food! Don’t you know that pizza and ice cream are American? How dare you take credit for what we have done! This is ridiculous! I am going to sue you!”

    Me: “Sir, that really isn’t necessary. I–”

    Tourist: “Don’t you take that tone with me! Stop sounding all professional! It’s annoying!”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, you-”

    Tourist: “Shut up! This food is American! How dare you be so racist against Americans!

    Me: “Sir, I am originally American, so why would I–”

    Tourist: “This food is American!”

    Me: “Sir, I–”

    Tourist: “American!”

    Me: “Ask anyone anywhere. Look it up on the Internet, even. I assure you that all this food is Italian.”

    Tourist: “The customer is always right!” *storms off*

    (I continue to serve customers. 25 minutes later he comes in again.)

    Tourist: “Yeah, so I looked it up. Turns out it was Italian. Uh, so can I have your number?”

    The Customer Is Always Right (And Regular)

    | Pennsylvania, USA |

    Coworker: “Hello, how may I help you?”

    Caller: “I just called and made an order for delivery, but please tell the driver to wait. I have to go have bowel movements.”

    Coworker: “Um, sure thing, ma’am.”

    (About 10 minutes go by…)

    Me: “Hello, how may I help you?”

    Same customer: “You can tell the driver he can bring my food to me now. I’m done with my bowel movements.”

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