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    Time To Sing Jailhouse Rock

    | Saskatchewan, Canada | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Top

    (My primary job is delivering pizzas, but I’m also the lead vocalist in a metal band that’s popular in the local area. We’re not well known much further than that. We recently played a show where we also sold a small amount of merchandise.)

    Me: *handing pizzas to customer* “That’ll be $35.”

    (The customer hands me the money. I notice that he’s wearing a hoodie with our band’s name and logo on it.)

    Me: “Nice hoodie!”

    Customer: “Yeah, man! I was at the show last weekend.”

    Me: “Awesome, how’d you like it?”

    Customer: “They’re wicked, man! I feel kinda bad for taking this hoodie right of off the wall.”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer: “Were you there, too?”

    Me: “Yes, I was the one holding the microphone.”

    The Usual, As Usual As Possible

    | Windsor, ON, Canada | Food & Drink

    Caller: “Can I get 3 pizzas and an order of bread sticks?”

    Me: “Sure, no problem!”

    Caller: “But I don’t want the bread like you usually make it.”

    Me: “Okay, how would you like it?”

    Caller: “I want it softer to bite into.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    Caller: “But i don’t want it lightly done.”

    (The caller pauses, and I’m not sure what to say.)

    Caller: “…and I don’t want it burnt.”

    Me: *lightbulb turns on* “Okay, so you would like it normal?”

    Caller: “Yes.”

    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 10

    | USA |

    (I am taking a delivery order.)

    Me: “And how will you be paying tonight? Cash or credit?”

    Caller: “Credit.”

    Me: “What type of card is it?”

    (The caller states the name of her bank.)

    Me: “No, ma’am. I meant is it a Visa, MasterCard?”

    Caller: “Oh, Visa.”

    Me: “The number?”

    Caller: “What number do you want?”

    Me: “The big one on the front.”

    Caller: “Oh, really. All of it?”

    (She provides twelve numbers.)

    Me: “I need four more numbers.”

    Caller: “Oh, sorry. I didn’t see them there. 1234.”

    Me: “Okay. And the expiration date?”

    Caller: “Where do you find that?”

    Me: “The bottom right corner.”

    (A few seconds of silence pass.)

    Caller, talking to someone else: “Find the expiration date for me.”

    (She finally finds it and gives it to me. I arrive with her order, and hand her the credit card receipt. She turns to her friend, and hands it to her.)

    Caller, to her friend: “Sign this for me. I don’t know how.”

    Related:
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 9
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 8
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 7
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 6
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 5
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 4
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 3
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 2
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession

    Deliver Us From Stupidity

    | Tempe, AZ, USA |

    Me: “Hi thank you for calling [pizza chain]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I ordered a pizza two hours ago and it still hasn’t arrived.”

    Me: “I am sorry about that, sir. Can I get your phone number? We can see what happened.”

    (The customer gives me the phone number.)

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, but it appears your order was placed for carryout.”

    Customer: “Oh, I don’t understand what that means.”

    Me: “Well, it means you need to actually come down to the store and pick it up.”

    Customer: “Oh, I thought it meant you would carry it out to me.”

    Me: “No sir, that would be delivery. Would you like me to switch it to delivery for you?

    Customer: “What does that mean?”

    Stone Baked Goodness

    | California, USA |

    (I answer a phone call from an obviously high customer.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [store]. Will this be for dine in, take out or delivery?”

    Customer: “Do you guys have any specials?”

    Me: “Yes, right now we have an extra large pepperoni pizza for $12.99.”

    Customer: “Woah! That’s a great stoner pizza! Wait, did I say that out loud?”

    Me: “No, sir.”

    Customer: “Awesome!”


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