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You Know What They Say About Idle Hands…

, | Port St. Lucie, FL, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [pizza place], may I take your order?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like a one of those large philly cheesesteak pizzas you’re advertising on TV.”

Me: “Sir, that’s not us. That’s [competitor].”

Customer: “What do you mean that’s not you? I just saw the commercial.”

Me: “I don’t know what commercial you saw, but we don’t have that pizza. Only [competitor] does.”

Customer: “Let me talk to your manager, because you obviously don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Me: “Sir, I am the manager.”

Customer: “Well, obviously you don’t know what you’re talking about. I want your bosses number. I’m gonna tell him about this and then we’ll see.”

Me: “You’re welcome to call him, but he’ll tell you the same thing I did: that’s not our pizza.”

Customer: “Then I’ll call his boss and their boss and keep going till I finally get someone who agrees with me!”

Me: *sarcastically* “Must be nice to have that much time on your hands!”

Thank God For Grandmothers

, | Seattle, WA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me, but can you please take a look at this pizza here?”

Me: “Uh… well, that looks pretty delicious to me.”

Customer: “It looks very lumpy.”

Me: “Well, it’s a pizza, and you’ve chosen some pretty lumpy toppings there.”

Customer: “Well, look here how all the toppings seem to be all on one side.”

Me: “Is that a problem?”

Customer: “Yes. It’s uneven.” *stares intently at me*

Me: “Well sir, my grandmother’s cookies look about like that and they taste absolutely delicious every time she makes them.”

Customer: *laughs and leaves without further complaining*

(Phew!)

Ask A Stupid Question, Part 3

| San Diego, CA, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m delivering some pizzas and “quepapas.” They come with ranch dressing for dipping but my co-worker forgot to put the ranch in the box.)

Customer: “If you don’t mind, I’m gonna have a look at the quepapas, because last time I got them they were cold.”

Me: “Sure thing, not a problem.”

Customer: *opens box* “Where the heck is the ranch dressing?!”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, I guess we forgot to put it in the box. I could go back and get it for you if you would like.”

Customer: “Well yeah! How am I supposed to eat them without ranch dressing?!”

Me: “I would try sticking it in your mouth, followed by chewing and then swallowing…”

Customer: “Good one, jacka**!” *slams door*

Related:
Today, All My Questions Shall Be Stupid
Ask A Stupid Question …
Ask A Stupid Question, Part 2

While We’re At It, Here’s A Check For A Gazillion Bucks

, | Indiana, USA | Top

(My pizza place recently stopped accepting checks, due to a large number of returned checks.  We have a large sign in the lobby, and a smaller sign at the register.)

Customer: “What?! ¬†I can’t write a check?”

Me: “I’m sorry, we no longer accept checks. ¬†We simply get too many returned for insufficient funds.”

Customer: ¬†”But I was going to write a check…”

Me: ¬†”We accept credit cards, or you can use your debit card for that checking account.”

Customer: ¬†”I can’t use my debit card! I don’t have enough money in my account!”

(And THAT is why we no longer take checks!)

Me Customer, Me Hungry

, | Sacramento, CA, USA | Uncategorized

(A new delivery driver mistakenly delivered the wrong pizza. This is the phone call I got about it, as the manager on duty.)

Customer: “Hi, I ordered a pizza from you guys a while ago, and they delivered the wrong one.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry! What was your order?”

Customer: “Mushrooms and green onions… the one we got had sausage. We can’t eat sausage! We’re vegetarians!”

Me: “Okay, do you still have the pizza? We can come by and switch them for you.”

Customer: “No, we ate it.”

Me: “You ate it?”

Customer: “Yes! Now, I’d like to get my money back. It was the wrong pizza.”

Me: “So… you want me to give you your money back… for a pizza you already ate.”

Customer: “Well we didn’t LOOK at it, we just ate it.”

(Eventually we settled the deal by giving the customer some in-store credit. Who doesn’t look at a pizza before they start shoveling it into their mouths?)

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