In The Name Of All That Is Cheesy

, | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling *** Pizza, would you like the special?”

Caller: “No thanks, I’d just like a large Quattro Cheese pizza.”

Me: “Sure, no problem.”

Caller: “And… no feta on one side.”

Me: “Okay, no feta on one side.”

Caller: “I mean it! NO feta on the one side! GOD HELP YOU IF THERE IS FETA!”

Me: “Okay, no feta on one side!”

Piss Poor Pizza Poacher

, | Burnaby, BC, Canada | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, *** Pizza, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi. I’m supposed to get a free pizza because you guys made it wrong last time.”

Me: “Okay, sir, can I have your address please?”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “So I can look up your credit… we file them by address.”

(He gives me his address, which isn’t in the file. I try every possible means to verify his story, and am finally convinced that he’s lying.)

Me: “Did the person you dealt with last time ask for your address?”

Customer:“No, they just said I could have a free pizza.”

Me: “Did they happen to give you their name?”

Customer: “No, it was just some guy.”

(I’m the only male manager at the restaurant.)

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but I can’t give you a free pizza.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because I have no record of it. I can’t just give pizza away to anybody who says we screwed up.”

Customer: “Are you calling me a liar?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Excuse me?! What is your name?”

Me: “My name is ‘guy-who’s-not-giving-you-a-free-pizza,’ what’s yours?”

Customer: “I want to speak to your manager!”

Me: “I am the manager.”

Customer: “Well, haven’t you ever heard that the customer is always right?”

Me: “Yes, that’s what people say when they’re trying to rip us off.” *click*

You Know What They Say About Idle Hands…

, | Port St. Lucie, FL, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [pizza place], may I take your order?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like a one of those large philly cheesesteak pizzas you’re advertising on TV.”

Me: “Sir, that’s not us. That’s [competitor].”

Customer: “What do you mean that’s not you? I just saw the commercial.”

Me: “I don’t know what commercial you saw, but we don’t have that pizza. Only [competitor] does.”

Customer: “Let me talk to your manager, because you obviously don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Me: “Sir, I am the manager.”

Customer: “Well, obviously you don’t know what you’re talking about. I want your bosses number. I’m gonna tell him about this and then we’ll see.”

Me: “You’re welcome to call him, but he’ll tell you the same thing I did: that’s not our pizza.”

Customer: “Then I’ll call his boss and their boss and keep going till I finally get someone who agrees with me!”

Me: *sarcastically* “Must be nice to have that much time on your hands!”

Thank God For Grandmothers

, | Seattle, WA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me, but can you please take a look at this pizza here?”

Me: “Uh… well, that looks pretty delicious to me.”

Customer: “It looks very lumpy.”

Me: “Well, it’s a pizza, and you’ve chosen some pretty lumpy toppings there.”

Customer: “Well, look here how all the toppings seem to be all on one side.”

Me: “Is that a problem?”

Customer: “Yes. It’s uneven.” *stares intently at me*

Me: “Well sir, my grandmother’s cookies look about like that and they taste absolutely delicious every time she makes them.”

Customer: *laughs and leaves without further complaining*

(Phew!)

Ask A Stupid Question, Part 3

| San Diego, CA, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m delivering some pizzas and “quepapas.” They come with ranch dressing for dipping but my co-worker forgot to put the ranch in the box.)

Customer: “If you don’t mind, I’m gonna have a look at the quepapas, because last time I got them they were cold.”

Me: “Sure thing, not a problem.”

Customer: *opens box* “Where the heck is the ranch dressing?!”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, I guess we forgot to put it in the box. I could go back and get it for you if you would like.”

Customer: “Well yeah! How am I supposed to eat them without ranch dressing?!”

Me: “I would try sticking it in your mouth, followed by chewing and then swallowing…”

Customer: “Good one, jacka**!” *slams door*

Related:
Today, All My Questions Shall Be Stupid
Ask A Stupid Question …
Ask A Stupid Question, Part 2

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