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Getting Lost On The Super Highway

| Waterloo, Ontario, Canada | Uncategorized

Me: “**** Pizza, **** speaking. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I need directions to your store.”

Me: “OK, we’re located at **** Drive and **** Street.”

Customer: “So, if I come out of my driveway, do I turn left or right? East or West?

Me: “Uh… do you have a computer?”

Customer: “Yes, but why?”

Me: “Well, there’s this website, Mapquest.com–they should be able to help you.”

Customer: “Oh, well how do I get to Mapquest? Left or right?”

Coworkers: They Make Life Worth Living, Part 2

, | Denver, CO, USA | Top

(Everyone I work with knows I’m gay. A customer has just paid for her order.)

Customer: “Stop staring at my boobs!”

Me: “Huh?”

Customer: “You heard me!”

Me: “Lady, I was just counting the money you gave me.”

Customer: “No, you were staring at my boobs and pretending to count the money. Let me talk to your manager right now! I’m going to get you fired!”

(Before I can say anything, one of my male coworkers comes up behind me and wraps his arms around my chest.)

Coworker: “I’m the manager. Are you bothering my boyfriend?”

Customer: *takes her food and leaves*

Coworker’s girlfriend, to me: “Hey, wanna come over tonight?”

Related:
Coworkers: They Make Life Worth Living

Jonesin’ For Some Pepperoni

, | British Columbia, Canada | Uncategorized

(An older lady called in to comment about the sauce of one of our most popular pizzas.)

Customer: “It’s as though you people put crack in it!”

Me: *laughs* “It is pretty good…”

Customer: “So, do you?”

Me: “Do we… what?”

Customer: “Put crack in it.”

Me: “…are you asking if we put cocaine in our pizza sauce?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “No. I’m pretty sure they stopped putting drugs like that into food and medicine by the 1940s.”

Customer: “Oh. Really? Because it would explain a lot. I just can’t stop eating this pizza!”

In The Name Of All That Is Cheesy

, | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling *** Pizza, would you like the special?”

Caller: “No thanks, I’d just like a large Quattro Cheese pizza.”

Me: “Sure, no problem.”

Caller: “And… no feta on one side.”

Me: “Okay, no feta on one side.”

Caller: “I mean it! NO feta on the one side! GOD HELP YOU IF THERE IS FETA!”

Me: “Okay, no feta on one side!”

Piss Poor Pizza Poacher

, | Burnaby, BC, Canada | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, *** Pizza, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi. I’m supposed to get a free pizza because you guys made it wrong last time.”

Me: “Okay, sir, can I have your address please?”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “So I can look up your credit… we file them by address.”

(He gives me his address, which isn’t in the file. I try every possible means to verify his story, and am finally convinced that he’s lying.)

Me: “Did the person you dealt with last time ask for your address?”

Customer:“No, they just said I could have a free pizza.”

Me: “Did they happen to give you their name?”

Customer: “No, it was just some guy.”

(I’m the only male manager at the restaurant.)

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but I can’t give you a free pizza.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because I have no record of it. I can’t just give pizza away to anybody who says we screwed up.”

Customer: “Are you calling me a liar?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Excuse me?! What is your name?”

Me: “My name is ‘guy-who’s-not-giving-you-a-free-pizza,’ what’s yours?”

Customer: “I want to speak to your manager!”

Me: “I am the manager.”

Customer: “Well, haven’t you ever heard that the customer is always right?”

Me: “Yes, that’s what people say when they’re trying to rip us off.” *click*

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