Watch For Grease Stains In The Concord

, | Rohnert Park, CA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, this is **** Pizza. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like a medium cheese pizza and a 2-liter of Sierra Mist, please.”

Me: “All right, that’ll be $**.**. Would you like to come pick it up or have us deliver it?”

Customer: “Delivery, please. My address is…” *lists a house in Philadelphia* “Would you be able to get it here in about thirty minutes?

Me: “Uh, sir, we’re in California, and we don’t deliver to Philadelphia. Especially not in thirty minutes.”

Customer: “Oh, well, on your website it said you deliver in thirty minutes or less.”

Me: “Yes, locally. Not to Philadelphia.”

Customer: “Oh, well. Uh, thanks anyways.”

Me: “Have a nice day, sir.”

Getting Lost On The Super Highway

| Waterloo, Ontario, Canada | Uncategorized

Me: “**** Pizza, **** speaking. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I need directions to your store.”

Me: “OK, we’re located at **** Drive and **** Street.”

Customer: “So, if I come out of my driveway, do I turn left or right? East or West?

Me: “Uh… do you have a computer?”

Customer: “Yes, but why?”

Me: “Well, there’s this website, Mapquest.com–they should be able to help you.”

Customer: “Oh, well how do I get to Mapquest? Left or right?”

Coworkers: They Make Life Worth Living, Part 2

, | Denver, CO, USA | Top

(Everyone I work with knows I’m gay. A customer has just paid for her order.)

Customer: “Stop staring at my boobs!”

Me: “Huh?”

Customer: “You heard me!”

Me: “Lady, I was just counting the money you gave me.”

Customer: “No, you were staring at my boobs and pretending to count the money. Let me talk to your manager right now! I’m going to get you fired!”

(Before I can say anything, one of my male coworkers comes up behind me and wraps his arms around my chest.)

Coworker: “I’m the manager. Are you bothering my boyfriend?”

Customer: *takes her food and leaves*

Coworker’s girlfriend, to me: “Hey, wanna come over tonight?”

Related:
Coworkers: They Make Life Worth Living

Jonesin’ For Some Pepperoni

, | British Columbia, Canada | Uncategorized

(An older lady called in to comment about the sauce of one of our most popular pizzas.)

Customer: “It’s as though you people put crack in it!”

Me: *laughs* “It is pretty good…”

Customer: “So, do you?”

Me: “Do we… what?”

Customer: “Put crack in it.”

Me: “…are you asking if we put cocaine in our pizza sauce?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “No. I’m pretty sure they stopped putting drugs like that into food and medicine by the 1940s.”

Customer: “Oh. Really? Because it would explain a lot. I just can’t stop eating this pizza!”

In The Name Of All That Is Cheesy

, | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling *** Pizza, would you like the special?”

Caller: “No thanks, I’d just like a large Quattro Cheese pizza.”

Me: “Sure, no problem.”

Caller: “And… no feta on one side.”

Me: “Okay, no feta on one side.”

Caller: “I mean it! NO feta on the one side! GOD HELP YOU IF THERE IS FETA!”

Me: “Okay, no feta on one side!”

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