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    Pepperoni And A Side Of Dentures, Please

    , | Oregon, USA |

    Me: “[Pizza place], what can I get for you?”

    Customer: “I’d like a large cheese pizza.”

    Me: “Great. Anything else for you today?”

    Customer: “Um…yeah. Could you undercook that? Most of the people eating the pizza don’t have teeth.”

    One Slice Short Of A Pizza

    , | Idaho, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Top

    Customer: “I need 6 frozen pizzas as big as tires!”

    Me: “I don’t think we sell pizza that big, sir…”

    Customer: “Oh come on! I’ve got two flats and only one spare and I don’t wanna call a tow-truck!”

    Me: “Sir, I’m afraid that won’t work…”

    Customer: “Fine! Be ridiculous! I’m going somewhere else! If Tom Slick could do it, why can’t I?”

    Manager: “Holy crap! Sometimes I swear these idiots do these things on purpose!”

    So This Is Why People Have Kids

    , | Portland, OR, USA |

    (It’s Christmas Eve and there is a long line of customers who are now waiting to pay. A little girl cuts to the front while I am giving a guy a drink refill.)

    Little girl’s mom (LGM), to the refill guy: “UGH! Did you just cut her?”

    (LGM smacks the guy in head; surprisingly, he just walks off with his soda.)

    Me: “What can I get you?”

    LGM: “Don’t ask me, ask her! She’s your customer; you should be asking her. God, it’s people like you who ruin the holidays!”

    Me, to the little girl: “Okay, what would you like?”

    (The little girl just stares blankly at me while customers are becoming pissed.)

    LGM, coming clean: “Just give me a Diet Pepsi. It’s for me.”

    Listen For The Manager At The End

    , | Illinois, USA |

    (I work at a well known pizza chain; let’s call it Daddy Jim’s.)

    Customer: “I’d like a large sausage and ham pizza and a large Italian Meats Trio.”

    Me: “Alright, your total is $**.**. We’ll have it out there in about 45 minutes.”

    (An hour later as I arrive back from the delivery, the store receives a phone call from the same customer.)

    Customer: “Yeah, hi. I ordered an Italian Meats Trio pizza, and you guys got it wrong.”

    Me: “How did we get it wrong?”

    Customer: “Well, it has sausage, ham, and some other sh*t on it.”

    Me: “Is the ham kind of orange?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “Is the sausage peppered and brownish-orange?”

    Customer: “Uh….yeah.”

    Me: “Is the other stuff salami?”

    Customer: “Yeah! What the hell?”

    Me: “Well, the orange ham is Italian ham, the sausage is Italian sausage, and you say there’s Italian salami.”

    Customer: “Yeah, so what?”

    Me: “That’s three Italian meats…Italian Meats Trio.”

    Customer: “Well if I had known that, I wouldn’t have ordered a sausage and ham pizza too!”

    Me: “Well maybe you should have some idea of what you’re ordering before you order it.”

    Customer: “Well, why didn’t you guys tell me?!”

    Me: “Because you ordered it. You didn’t ask about it.”

    Customer: *click*

    My Loud Manager: “F*cking morons! I hate this job!”

    Related:
    Even Bosses Have A Stupid Quota

    With Great Pizza Comes Great Responsibility

    , | Louisiana, USA |

    (A hospital calls to order pizza.)

    Manager: “Thank you for calling *****, would you like to try the Superhero Special?”

    Customer: “What’s that?”

    Manager: “It’s an extra large, three topping pizza that comes with a coupon for the Spiderman 3 DVD.”

    Customer: “…the pizza’s delivered by Spiderman!?”

    Manager: *laughs* “Only if its delivered to the psych ward, ma’am!”


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