November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Allergic To Honesty

, | Duluth, MN, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, thanks for calling [pizza place] how may I help you?”

Customer: “I ordered a pizza and it has green peppers and mushrooms on it.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, but it says here that’s what you ordered.”

Customer: “No! I am allergic to green peppers! Why would I order something I’m allergic to?”

Me: “Alright, I understand. What did you intend to order?”

Customer: “Ham and pepperoni.”

Me: “Okay, we’ll have that out to you right away. Just make sure to give us the other pizza when we get there, okay?”

Customer: “I can’t.”

Me: “Why not?”

Customer: “I ate it already.”

Pepperoni Extremism

| Georgia, USA | Uncategorized

(I’ve just finished giving a guy his pizza when he notices my car in the driveway.)

Customer: “That your car?”

Me: “Yes, it is. You like it?”

Customer: “Yeah! Mind if I go look at it?”

Me: “Sure. I’ll show you around it.”

(We get there and he studies the decals in my window. I have an “Obama ’08” button on the back of my headrest.)

Customer: *gasps* “Are you a terrorist?”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “Don’t play dumb with me! You’re a terrorist!”

Me: “What are you talking about?!”

Customer: “You’re a terrorist and you voted for a terrorist for president!”

Me: “Sir, I can assure you that our president is not a terrorist.”

Customer: “But he is! He’s not American! He’s an illegal immigrant!”

Me: “Sir, why would we have an illegal immigrant terrorist as president if the government were on his side?”

Customer: *gasps again* “You’re right! Everyone’s a terrorist!”

Me: “No, no, no! They’re not terrorists!”

Customer: “You’re on their side?! Don’t kill me!”

Me: *giving up* “Yes, I’m a terrorist.”

(The customer screams and runs inside. A few moments later, the pizza falls out a second story window.)

Those Are My Stories And I’m Sticking To Them

, | Grand Rapids, MI, USA | Uncategorized

(My coworker and I are talking to each other at the counter of our restaurant when a customer comes up.)

Me: “Hi, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I ordered a medium pizza, but I wanted a small.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. Do you need a box for the extra pizza?”

Customer: “No. I ordered a large pizza, but you brought me a medium.”

(A little confused, I glance at my coworker. She glances back at me with the same confused look.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am…would you like me to put a small pizza in so that you have more pizza?”

Customer: “No! I ordered a medium pizza, and you brought me a medium pizza! But don’t worry, I’m not mad at you.”

(At this point, both my coworker and I are too confused to know what to say, so we just look back at the customer.)

Customer: “I know! Sometimes my dog can be distracting!” *walks away*

Me and coworker: *still confused*

The (ever)Last(ing) Supper

, | Houston, TX, USA | Top

(I work as a cook at a pizza place. A tall and thin customer comes in and begins to place an order with the cashier.)

Customer: “Yeah, I want the large pepperoni.”

Cashier: “For here?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Cashier: “Would you like anything with that?”

Customer: “Yeah, let me have the spaghetti dinner.”

Cashier: “Oh, did you want that instead of the pizza?”

Customer: “Naw, I want the pizza too. Can I get extra garlic bread?”

Cashier: “Um, sure.”

Customer: “Sweet. Can I also get one of them open-faced sandwiches? The roast beef and cheese…and can you add some sausage to the sandwich too?

Cashier: “Yeah…”

Customer: “…and a salad. What kind of salad do you have?”

Cashier: “Well, we have a small side salad, or a larger dinner salad…”

Customer: “Well…”

Me: *speaking over the counter* “We also have the antipasto salad! It’s pretty big!”

Customer: “Yeah! I want that!”

Cashier: “Um…is there anything else?”

Customer: *looks around, and sees the bags of potato chips on
“Yeah, those look good. Give me two bags of chips!”

Cashier: “Okay…is there anything else?”

Customer: “Naw, I think that’s it.”

Cashier: “Do you need us to box up any of this to go?”

Customer: “Naw.”

Cashier: “Will you have anything to drink with this?”

Customer: “Oh yeah, I totally forgot! I’ll have a small Coke!”

(When we finally brought the food out to the customer, it was a LOT of food. Surprisingly, the customer stayed in the restaurant for over 4 hours, and he ate almost everything!)

Not How You A-Dress A Customer

, | Manchester, UK | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, [pizza delivery]. Can I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like to order some pizzas, please.”

Me: “No problem.”

(The call proceeds normally; she orders two pizzas and we make a little small talk.)

Customer: “Can you deliver them, please?”

Me: “Sure, address?”

Customer: *long pause* “Pardon?”

Me: “The address?”

Customer: *long pause again* “I’d like to speak to your manager now, please.”

Me: “Is there a problem?”

Customer: “Just put your manager on!”

(I call my manager over.)

Manager: “Hello, what appears to be the issue?”

(The manager talks with the customer for a while. He eventually hangs up, throws the order slip in the trash, and bursts out laughing.)

Me: “What was all that about?”

Manager: “She thought you were asking if she was wearing ‘a dress’ and wanted to complain.”