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    Try Our New Three Slice Pizza

    , | Syracuse, NY, USA | Food & Drink

    (I am talking to a woman on the phone who is ordering a pizza.)

    Customer: “How many slices come in a large pizza?”

    Me: “The large comes with 12 slices.”

    Customer: “Ok, I will take a large pizza, but can you cut it into 8 slices instead? I couldn’t possibly eat 12 slices.”

    Obviously, She Needs Food For Thought

    | North Brunswick, NJ, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Top

    (A truck flips over down the street and takes out a power line, knocking out the power to our restaurant. We are all getting ready to start cleaning up and calling it an early day until a customer walks in. Note that all the lights are off.)

    Customer: “I tried calling to place an order and you guys didn’t answer the phone!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Our power is out, so our phones don’t work.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s okay. Can I just order a chicken lori dinner?”

    Me: “Well, I’m afraid that’s not possible at the moment. We have no electricity in the kitchen and there aren’t any windows back there. Plus, our ovens and grilles have electric starters.”

    Customer: “You guys are open though, correct?”

    Me: “Only for a little while longer while we clean up.”

    Customer: “Well, then, can you at least make me a pizza?”

    Me: “I don’t think you really understand. We lost power. We can’t cook anything right now.”

    Customer: “Ugh, what kind of pizza place is this? Can I at least have one of the slices on the counter?”

    Me: “Sure, we can do that.”

    (I pick her slices out and start putting them in a box.)

    Customer: “You aren’t even going to heat them up or anything?”

    Me: “Ma’am, I honestly don’t know how much clearer I can make this. The power is out. Anything that uses electricity is currently not working. Our stoves cannot be started.”

    Customer: “Fine! Forget it. I’m never coming back here again. You people are useless!”

    This Won’t Pan Out Well

    | Columbus, OH, USA |

    (A customer comes in right before closing time to pick up his pizzas.)

    Customer: “I have a bit of an issue.”

    Me: “What’s your issue?”

    Customer: “We won’t be eating these pizzas for a couple of hours.”

    Me: “Well, you can always reheat them in the oven.”

    Customer: “I won’t be near an oven.”

    Me: “Well, a microwave is not the preferred method, but it will work.”

    Customer: “No, we’re going to be tailgating.”

    Me: “I don’t know what to tell you dude.”

    Customer: “Crap. I thought you would have some sort of magical way to reheat them.”

    Flaky To The 9th Degree

    | Christchurch, New Zealand |

    Customer: “Two supremes, please.”

    Me: “Okay, and what type of crust?”

    Customer: “Oh, that nice one. I had it the other day. It was thin and very yummy.”

    Me: “Thin and crispy?”

    (The customer starts making hand gestures, pinching her thumb and forefinger together.)

    Customer: “It was thin and yummy. We had it the other day.”

    Me: “We have a thin crust. Is that it?”

    Customer: “That must be it.”

    Me: “Okay, that’ll be $23.80.”

    Customer: “What? That much?”

    Me: “Yes, they’re $11.90 each.”

    Customer: “They were only $8 each the other day.”

    Me: “Was it a flaky base? We had a promotion for that, but it ended yesterday.”

    Customer: “Yes! That was it. But it said it was until the end of the month.”

    Me: “The promotion ended yesterday.”

    Customer: “But it said until the 31st.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. What said that?”

    Customer: “The piece of paper.”

    Me: “Oh, was it a coupon?”

    Customer: “Uh… yes.”

    Me: “I can’t give you the discount without the code on the coupon.”

    Customer: “Oh. Hang on. Try 54261.”

    Me: “No, that didn’t work.”

    Customer: “Oh, there was another one. I think it had a 9 in it.”

    Me: “I need the whole code.”

    Customer: “It had a 9.”

    Me: “I can’t do anything without the code.”

    Customer: “But it had a 9!”

    The Food Is Questionable

    | MD, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [pizza place]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah. I got a couple of questions for you.”

    Me: “Okay, what are they?”

    Customer: “Is your pizza, like, really fresh?”

    Me: “Well, sir, it’s fresh right out of the oven.”

    Customer: “Okay. Is it better than [competitor's] pizza place?

    Me: “Well, I don’t know, sir. I never order from them.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. I think they undercook their food.”

    Me: “Well, I wouldn’t really know, sir. I don’t like their food at all.

    Customer: “Oh, okay.”

    (There is a long silence.)

    Customer: “So, how was your day?”

    Me: “Fine.”

    Customer: “Okay. You working hard?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    (There is another long pause.)

    Me: “Sir, is there anything I can help you with? Maybe some food?”

    Customer: “Oh, no. I just called to ask those questions.”

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