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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    That’s The Way The Cookie Slices

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Holidays

    (My family runs a small pizza place. A nearby family has been regular customers for about ten years now. The phone rings Christmas Eve.)

    Me: “[Pizza Place], how can I help you?”

    Regular Customer: “Oh, sorry, I entered the wrong code on speed dial. Have a nice night.”

    (Five minutes later, she shows up with a plate of cookies! The phone call had been a ruse to confirm we were open that day.)

    Regular Customer: “You always give us such great food. We thought we’d mix it up a bit.”

    A Habitual Hazard

    | Saratoga, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre

    (I’m throwing myself in for this one. I call in an order to a local pizza shop. They have a family special which gets you a large pizza and twenty wings. I also work at a chain pizza shop.)

    Employee: “[Pizza Place], how can I help you?”

    Me: “Hi, I’d like the family special, please. Pizza just cheese, honey barbecue for the wings, and then another order of ten hot wings, extra saucy.”

    Employee: “Okay, so the family special, cheese for the pizza, honey barbecue wings, and ten hot wings?”

    Me: “Yeah. Anything else?”

    Employee: “Wait, what?”

    (We both pause, then immediately crack up laughing. I have just asked the woman taking my order if she wanted anything else.)

    Me: *through my laughter* “Oh, my god, I’m so embarrassed! I work at a different pizza place and that was just habit!”

    Your Tiredness Kept The Safe Safe

    | Australia | Bizarre, Criminal/Illegal

    (I manage a pizza store, and go in at 10:30 pm to help close up. I am in my casual clothes and I’m completely exhausted. I go outside the store to use the bathroom when I am stopped by someone.)

    Stranger: “Gimme the safe keys.”

    Me: *groggy* “Safe keys?”

    Stranger: “The f****** store safe keys!”

    Me: “…safe keys?”

    (The safe keys are in the store, but I am so tired I barely know my own name. Before the stranger can respond a coworker comes outside, and the stranger bolts.)

    Coworker: “Who was that?”

    Me: “That guy wanted safe keys… Wait, did that guy just kinda try to rob the store?”

    (If the coworker hadn’t shown up, the stranger could have easily harmed me in my state. This is one of many reasons that you shouldn’t overwork your store managers!)

    And To Top It All Off…

    | ON, Canada | Food & Drink, Money

    (I work in a pizzeria as a take-out girl, meaning I take phone calls for customers and input what they want into the computer. I’m in the middle of an order.)

    Customer: “I’d like two extra large pizzas, one with pepperoni and cheese, and one with pepperoni, cheese, onions and bacon.”

    Me: “Okay! That’ll be [price].”

    (We don’t count cheese as a topping you have to pay for unless you get double cheese… so two toppings and cheese is the standard price on the menu and anything after that is extra.)

    Customer: “No! You charged it wrong. It should be [standard price].”

    Me: “Well… you got three items on the second pizza… and—”

    Customer: “and… I only got one topping on the first one! I should get [standard price]!”

    Me: “It doesn’t work like that, I’m afraid.”

    Customer: “It should! Get me you manager!”

    Me: “All right…”

    (I put my manager on the phone, after five minutes of explaining he hangs up.)

    Me: “How’d it go, [Manager]?”

    Manager: “Well… apparently we’re all stupid scam artists who make terrible pizza… She said to either give her the price or hang up. Guess which I picked?”

    Remember, Remember, The Fifth Of October

    | Saratoga, NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Technology

    (It is about a half hour from closing when the phone rings. If you want to pay for delivery with a card, you have to do it over the phone.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Restaurant]. This is [My Name]. Will this be for pickup or delivery?”

    Customer: “Delivery, please.”

    (We go through the normal ordering process of phone number, address, what she actually wants; when we get to the payment.)

    Customer: “Yeah, I like, want to charge it.”

    Me: “Okay, I just need your card number whenever you’re ready.”

    Customer: “It’s [Number].”

    Me: “Expiration date?”

    Customer: “October 2014.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, it’s coming up declined. Let’s try the number again.”

    Customer: *in a huff* “Okaaay, it’s 4… 2… 3…”

    (She’s saying each number slowly and dramatically, as if I processed it wrong because I’m stupid. I’m a bit disgruntled until the next part happens.)

    Me: “And for the expiration, I have ten-fourteen?”

    Customer: “No, October. Like, eleven-fourteen.”

    Me: “Okay, I think I see the problem here. You’re all set and it’ll be about forty minutes. Have a great night.”

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