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  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • Forensics For Dummies

    | Atlanta, GA, USA |

    Me: “Hi, what can I do for you?”

    Customer: “I have this group photo. Can you scan it and cut people out?”

    Me: “Yes, to an extent.”

    Customer: “I want the people in the front row taken out so I can see what the guy in the back row is wearing.”

    Me: “Um, it doesn’t work like that.”

    Customer: “Why not? He’s standing right there! If you take these people away, you can see all of him!”

    Me: “If I remove these people from the photo, all that will be left is nothing. Photos are two dimensional, not three dimensional.”

    Customer: “That’s not true! I’ve seen ‘em do it on CSI!”

    Just, Like, Smile And Nod

    | Delafield, WI, USA |

    (A bubbly teenager walks up to the counter with a roll of film in her hand.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Teenage customer: “Like, how long does it, like, take to do one hour photo?”

    Me: “About 60 minutes.”

    Teenage customer: “Really?! Like, oh my gawd! That’s, like, so totally cool! Wait ’til I tell my mom it’s, like, totally not gonna take an hour!”

    Me: *smiles*

    Must Be One Of Them Transdimensional Cameras

    | Maryland, USA |

    Customer: “Hi, I’m here to pick up my pictures.”

    (I grab the customer’s pictures and she proceeds to look through them. She then hands one of the pictures to me.)

    Customer: “Can you print this the other way?”

    Me: “The other way?”

    Customer: “Yes, flip it around.”

    Me: “Okay…”

    (Confused, I go into the lab, insert the film negative into the machine upside down and print a mirrored image for the customer.)

    Me:¬†”Here you go!”

    Customer:¬†”No, no, no. Flip it around!”

    Me: “I did. See, it’s mirrored.”

    Customer:¬†”No, no, no. My husband took the picture.¬†Can you flip it around and print him?”

    Me:¬†”…”

    Blue Haired Drug Pushers

    , | Boston, MA, USA |

    (One evening, an elderly irish woman, complete with white hair, a cane, and a heavy accent, comes up to the photo counter to pick up some pictures she dropped off earlier.)

    Customer: “I would like to have a discount on these photos I just printed. Can you give me 5 of the 20 for free?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we really can’t do that.”

    Customer: “I’ll give you some perks.”

    Me: “Perks?”

    Customer: “Percs. You know… percs.”

    (Customer reaches out to shake my hand and places 3 pills in it.)

    Customer: “Those are good percs, I know you’ll like them!”

    Maybe That’s Her Good Side

    | Turnersville, NJ, USA |

    Customer: “Do you take passport photos?”

    Me: “Yes we do. Do you want one taken?”

    Customer: “Yes, please.”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am. Just stand in front of the screen, please, and I’ll take your photo.”

    (She walks up and stands in front of the white screen; she’s facing the background with her back towards me. My coworkers can barely keep it together at this point.)

    Me: “Ma’am, you’re going to have to turn around if you don’t want the back of your head on your passport.”

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