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    A Photo Perfect Finish

    , | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Crazy Requests

    (I work in the photo processing department of a large retailer. A customer comes in and starts thumbing through the 2×2″ square frames suitable for passport photos, etc. displayed on the processing counter.)

    Customer: *abruptly* “Excuse me, can you print photos at this size?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but the smallest square size the printer will allow us to produce is 5×5″ – that paper is the smallest paper we have available.”

    Customer: “Well, what good is that? This is ridiculous.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “It’s disgusting; this is false and misleading advertising! How dare you stock a product if you won’t stock the supplementary parts!”

    Me: “Using that same flawed logic, ma’am, you could argue that it’s false and misleading advertising insofar as we stock baby car-seats, but not cars – or babies!”

    (Customer blinked, stared blankly, and then stormed off.)

    Gloss Over The Facts

    | IN, USA | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I’m on a phone with a customer. I’ve just finished going through all the print sizes, finishes, and prices.)

    Customer: “I’m going to send some 8x10s through the internet; how much will they be?”

    Me: “They are $3.99.”

    Customer: “What finish are your 8×10 prints?”

    Me: “They are glossy.”

    Customer: “But I need a matte finish.”

    Me: “The machine that prints 8x10s can print a glossy finish. You can always go to [location]; they only have the matte finish.”

    Customer: “But I want to order them here!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but our machine is unable to print matte photos.”

    Customer: “Can you try?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but that machine only prints a glossy finish.”

    Customer: “Yes, but can you try?”

    Me: “We do not have the ability to print photos with a matte finish. We can only make glossy prints.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand why you won’t try! You w****!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but the w**** who runs the machine is unwilling to talk in circles. Good day!” *click*

    Powerful Pictures

    | Plymouth, Devon, UK | Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (It’s a quiet day in the shop, so I’m busy prepping films to process. A middle-aged lady enters, so I put everything down and greet her.)

    Customer: “Hello, my love; do you print photos from digital cameras?”

    Me: “We do indeed! We just need your memory card or a USB cable if you have your camera with you.”

    Customer: “Oh, good! I’ve brought this in; my pictures are on it.”

    (She rummages around in her handbag, and finally places a small oblong of plastic on the counter.)

    Me: “I’m ever so sorry, but we’re not going to be able to get your photos from that.”

    Customer: “Oh, no! Why not?”

    Me: “This is your battery.”

    Needs To Learn Copy-Right And Wrong, Part 2

    | MN, USA | Criminal/Illegal, History, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (My photo lab has two self-serve machines for customers to order prints of their photos. They either put in electronic media, such as a CD, or camera memory card, or they can scan a print into the computer.)

    Customer: “What do I do first?”

    Me: “Well, we will scan your pictures, and then tell it what you want.”

    (The customer shows me an album of wedding photos that were taken approximately in the 1950s-60s.)

    Me: “Unfortunately, these are still protected by [United States] federal copyright law. For anything less than 75 years old, we need permission from the person hired to take the pictures.”

    Customer: “But how does the machine know they’re copyrighted?”

    Me: “Uh… it doesn’t. That’s my job. We look at each order before printing, to make sure we have proper documentation so we don’t break the law.”

    Customer: “Then how do you know they’re less than 75 years old?!”

    Me: “They didn’t have cars like that in the 1930s!”

    Related:
    Needs To Learn Copy-Right And Wrong

    Just Point And Spook

    | Michigan, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Customer: *hands me a photo* “Hello there. Can you help me scan and make duplicates of a photo?”

    Me: “Sure thing! We just use this scanner here—”

    (At that moment, I look at photo and notice a white camera strap taking up half the photo. I can see the camera’s brand name on the strap, blurred but readable.)

    Me: “Uh, excuse me? Are you sure you want to scan this photo? It seems the camera strap got caught in the lens.”

    Customer: “Really? I didn’t notice that. Where is it?”

    Me: “Right here, ma’am.” *points at the camera strap*

    Customer: “HOW DARE YOU! That’s the spirit of my grandfather! How can you even claim it is a camera strap!?! You are just a terrible employee!” *storms off*


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