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  • September Theme Of The Month: Overheard!

    Blood Is Thicker Than Social Security

    , | TN, USA | Uncategorized

    (A customer’s mother has passed away. He wants to take over her account. I am running his credit.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. It appears there is a freeze on your credit with one or more of the credit bureaus. This usually happens if you–”

    Customer: “Of course there is a freeze. I have one with all three credit bureaus, because some idiot stole my identity last year!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. In order to take over her service, you will need to contact the credit bureaus to authorize this transaction.”

    Customer: “Don’t you have a way to work around this? This is really a huge pain. A total nightmare.”

    Me: “I understand, sir, but there is no work-around. You will have to contact them to remove the freeze.”

    Customer: “I can’t remove the freeze. It’s there to protect me. Are you stupid? Do you think I want to go through all this identity theft garbage again?”

    Me: “Not at all, sir. In fact, your protection is why we do not have a way to bypass the freeze. If we did, then anyone could call and give your information and set up service.”

    Customer: “But, I’m not just anyone. I’m me!”

    Me: “Yes, sir. I understand that. This is how a freeze works. It requires you to verify this transaction further with the credit bureau.”

    Customer: “Clearly you are not getting this, but whatever. What if I give you my mother’s social security number?”

    Me: “Your mother’s name is who the account is listed under currently.”

    Customer: “I know that, you idiot. I mean put it under her social, and my name.”

    Me: “Let me make sure I understand you correctly. You don’t want to contact the credit bureaus to lift the freeze you placed on your credit due to being the victim of identity theft. Instead, you would like me to use your name and someone else’s social security number to open an account for you?”

    Customer: “Yes. Thank you.”

    Me: “You do realize that would technically be committing identity theft?”

    Her Phone’s Not Much To Look At

    | London, UK | Family & Kids, Technology, Uncategorized

    Customer: “This compensation thing means you can get a phone back, right? I shouldn’t even have to pay. It’s your fault my daughter doesn’t have a phone!”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that Ma’am. Could you please tell me what happened and how it’s our fault? We’ll try to rectify it. Did it break for no reason?”

    Customer: “Her teacher took it! She was texting me and the teacher confiscated it! She has no phone until they give it back.”

    Me: “Most schools do operate a ban on cell-phones during school hours and inform the students. Ma’am, how is this our fault?”

    Customer: “You lot told me when I bought it that it would be perfect for teenagers! There should be something to stop it being seen in school!”

    Me: “And how do you suppose we do that?”

    Customer: “You’re the techno-geeks, you should be able to make it invisible on and off or something! God! You just don’t work hard enough!” *stomps out angrily*

    It Would Explain Canada’s Lack Of Sun

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Canada, Technology, Tourists/Travel, Uncategorized

    (I have just activated a new smart-phone for a customer. I am showing them how to set it up.)

    Me: “…and that is how you would send a text message. Do you have any other questions?”

    Customer: “The time is wrong on this phone.”

    Me: “That’s because you haven’t selected the correct time zone. Here, I will show you the time setup.”

    (I show the customer the list of time zones, and briefly leave her to answer another customer’s question.)

    Customer: *impatiently* “Excuse me! Excuse me! This phone you have given me is broken!”

    Me: “Broken? Why do you say that?”

    Customer: “There is no ‘Canadian’ time zone! It keeps trying to put it on ‘Eastern’!”

    Me: “Yes, that would be correct, it’s seven o’clock here.”

    Customer: *indignantly* “We don’t live in the east! This is Canada!”

    Atone For Sins, Make Peace With Maker, Close Phone Account

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “How may I help you today?”

    Customer: “I’d like to close my account.”

    Me: “Well, I’m sorry to hear that, but I can assist you with that right here. May I ask why you’re closing your account today?”

    Customer: “What? You don’t know?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I don’t.”

    Customer: “It’s the Armageddon!”

    Me: “Uh, well, okay, ma’am, I’ll get your account closed right away… is there anything else I can do for you?”

    Customer: “Watch your back, young lady! You’ll see! The Armageddon’s coming, make no mistake!” *hangs up*

    Third Time’s A Charm For A Two-Faced One Track Mind

    , | Washington, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Thank you for calling [phone company], how may I help you today?”

    Caller: “Um yeah, my phone stopped working. I need you guys to fix that for me.”

    Me: “Certainly, sir. May I ask what exactly is the problem?”

    Caller: “Well, the internet on my phone quit working a few days ago.”

    Me: “Okay, I can definitely help you out with that. I do need your mobile phone number please…”

    (The customer gives me his number, and I discover that his phone is not compatible with the internet plan on his account. Furthermore, he can not change it because the account is not in his name.)

    Me: “…okay, so you understand why we cannot change that, right?”

    Caller: “Yeah, I guess so. Thanks anyway, man.”

    Me: “Not a problem sir. Thank you very much for choosing [phone company]. You have a wonderful day, sir.”

    (This is where things get interesting. Instead of hanging up, I immediately hear the following…)

    Female voice: “Aw baby, what’s wrong?”

    Caller: “This f***ing douchebag wont fix my g**d*** phone! I’ve had this d***ed thing for three years, never had a problem with it, now this f*** wont help me out!”

    Me: “Excuse me, sir? You never actually hung up the phone. Might I suggest we do that now before anything else is said?”

    Caller: *brief pause* “… oh my God!I am so sorry! Oh my God sir, please don’t turn off my phone, PLEASE!”

    Me: “Not a problem. Just please remember to hang up the phone, okay?”

    (I wait for him to hang up a second time, but again, he doesn’t…)

    Caller: “I can’t believe that f***ing p***k stayed on the phone! What we he trying to do?! A**hole! I mean, can’t he freaking help a guy out?!”

    Female voice: *quietly* “I think you’re on speakerphone…”

    Me: “Excuse me, sir? You forgot to hang up again.”

    Caller: “S***! GIMME A BREAK!” *click*

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