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    Needs To Take A Chill Pill

    | Portland, OR, USA | Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m at a chain company pharmacy/mini-stores getting a bottle of water. As I pass by the pharmacy, I witness an exchange between a very burly, muscular customer and a short, skinny female clerk.)

    Customer: “I need to refill my prescription.”

    Clerk: “Well, I’m sorry, but according to our systems, you have no refills left. You’ll need to contact your doctor and get a new prescription.”

    Customer: “What?! I want my pills. Give me my pills!”

    (The exchange continues for a while, with the customer getting more and more agitated. The clerk appears to be frightened and close to tears. The commotion is drawing the attention of the people around.)

    Customer: “You dumb b****, are you f***ing stupid? Give me my pills or there will be a problem.”

    (At this point, I step between him and the clerk behind the counter.)

    Me: “Look buddy, she already said that she’s not giving you pills and told you what to do. So you better just listen to her, leave, and stop making an a** of yourself.”

    (For a moment he looks like he is going to hit me, then just stomps away swearing under his breath.)

    Me: *to the clerk* “I’m sorry you had to deal with that.”

    Clerk: “It’s alright. Thank you for that. Here, that water is on me, okay?”

    Paging Insecurity

    | Oakland County, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Workers, Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Theme Of The Month

    (I am a customer in this pharmacy store late at night. As I walk up to the counter, a male customer is loudly complaining to a male cashier about ‘the gays.’ Being a lesbian, I’m gathering up the courage to say something when the following happens.)

    Male Customer: “The gays keep trying to turn everyone!”

    Male Cashier: “It must be rough.”

    Male Customer: “How do you mean?”

    Male Cashier: “I have a handful of gay friends, and no matter how much time I’ve spent with them, I’ve never wanted to have sex with other dudes. I’m just saying it must be rough to have such a tenuous hold on your sexuality that you’re always worried about being turned by the slightest contact. I feel for you.”

    (It takes a moment, but the male customer realizes what the male cashier is saying.)

    Male Customer: “…Hey, f*** you, buddy!”

    Male Cashier: “You want to f*** me? Oh god, it’s happening now! There must be a gay in the store! Run!”

    Customer: *screaming* “Go to h***!”

    (The customer then runs out of the store. As I put my stuff up on the counter, the manager runs up from one of the aisles.)

    Manager: “What the h*** was that?”

    Cashier: “Oh, I’m probably just getting a customer complaint in the morning. Totally worth it… I’ll explain later.” *to me* “Sorry about all that. How are you tonight?”

    Me: “If I was straight, I would totally be giving you my number right now.”

    Paging Charlotte On Aisle 5

    | NJ, USA | Pets & Animals, Wild & Unruly

    (I am at the cashier, ringing up a long line of people. I notice when customers walk in, they suddenly skirt around the theft detectors. A lady approaches the counter.)

    Lady: “There is a big spider in the entrance!”

    (Note: I don’t want to leave the counter because of the enormous line.)

    Me: “Okay, cool.”

    Lady: “You have to kill it. You work here.”

    Me: “It’s not hurting anyone.”

    (The lady’s husband chimes in.)

    Husband: “Kill it, she’s right!”

    (Everyone in the line seems to agree with the lady and her husband.)

    Me: “Okay, I’ll just move it outside.”

    Husband: “No, kill it!”

    Me: “No, it wont do any harm out there in the parking lot.”

    (I move the spider outside.)

    Lady: “I can’t take it anymore!”

    Me: “Can’t take what?”

    (Suddenly, the lady grabs a basket made for carrying products outside and finds the spider. She starts violently smashing the red basket on the spider.)

    Lady: “Why is it not dying?!”

    (It turns out the basket has little legs on the bottom, preventing it from making contact with the spider. She eventually figures this out and kills it, but not before it charges her one last time and causes her to flip out!)

    Kids Will Send Any Parent To The Funny Pharm

    | Sacramento, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (I am taking a refill order over the phone.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [pharmacy]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I need to refill a couple of prescriptions. This one I have the number for.”

    (She proceeds to give me the number, and while I am running the prescription through her insurance I hear some kids playing in the background.)

    Me: “Okay, so that one went through just fine. What is the next one?”

    Customer: “I don’t have the number, but can you look it up for me? It’s my birth control.”

    (I look in the customer’s file and sure enough it’s there. But while I am running it, the playing in the background has turned into a serious screaming and fighting match.)

    Customer: *embarrassed* “And this is why I am refilling the birth control. Can’t you tell?”

    Super-flu-ous Advice

    | AB, Canada | Bizarre, Health & Body

    (It’s currently flu season, and we are offering flu shots.)

    Me: “Alright, sir. We got you all set. Have you gotten your flu shot yet?”

    Customer: “Ah, no. I don’t get a flu shot. I don’t get the flu, sweetie.”

    Me: “Wow, you must be lucky.”

    Customer: “You want to know my secret, dear?”

    Me: “What’s your secret, sir?”

    Customer: *leans in close* “You see now, chickens, cows, pigs: they get the flu. So, if you don’t eat them, you don’t get the flu! You remember that now!”

    Me: “Um, okay, sir. I will. Have a nice day.”

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