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    Don’t Ask What He Puts In His Granola

    | SC, USA | Funny Names

    (A customer comes in, and looks confused for several minutes.)

    Me: “Sir, can I help you find something?”

    Customer: “Where is the yogurt?”

    Me: “All of our dairy products are in the cooler.”

    Customer: “No, yogurt. You know, yogurt that you put under your arms.”

    Me: “…you mean deodorant?”

    Customer: “Yes, yogurt!”

    Me: “…aisle four.”

    Prescribing Perspective

    | AL, USA | Awesome Customers, Health & Body, Top

    Me: “How may I help you, ma’am?”

    Customer #1: “I’m picking up a script for [name].”

    (I proceed to look it up. However, the system alerts me that we do not have anything ready.)

    Me: “I don’t see that we have anything ready for you, ma’am.”

    Customer #1: “What do you mean, you don’t have anything! They called two days ago!”

    Me: “I apologize, ma’am. If a prescription sits on our shelf for too long, we have to put it back on our stock shelf.”

    Customer #1: “It’s only been a week! That’s just stupid! Give me back my script! I’ll go to [rival store]! Only one week! Absurd!”

    (I escort her to my co-worker, so that I may help the other customers in line.)

    Customer #2: “Oh, honey, I think I may have done the same thing and waited too long; can you check?”

    Me: “Certainly, sir.”

    (I check, and indeed his was placed back to stock as well.)

    Me: “Yes, sir, I’m afraid so.”

    (Customer #2 speaks loud enough for everyone to hear.)

    Customer #2: “Oh, shoot. IT’S PURELY MY FAULT FOR FORGETTING, EVEN AFTER Y’ALL WERE SO NICE TO CALL ME TWICE. Thank you, sugar; I’ll go talk to [co-worker].”

    100% Idiot

    | UK | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Top

    (An angry customer approaches me.)

    Customer: “I purchased a pregnancy test from here, and it doesn’t work! I want my money back! I’ll never come here again! Stupid thing didn’t work!”

    Me: “Okay… did you use it properly?”

    Customer: “Do I look like an idiot?! I peed on a stick. Anyone can pee on a f****** stick!”

    Me: “Did any type of line come up?”

    Customer: “No, not a single line. Just a f****** number 30. How can I be 30% pregnant?”

    Me: “Well, this is the first I’ve heard about this. Do you have the box with you so I can check if there have been any problems before?”

    (The customer hands me the box. I stare at it and try not to laugh.)

    Me: “Uh… you do realise that this is a thermometer, right?”

    Customer: *runs out of the store*

    Prescription Affliction

    | New York, NY, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Health & Body, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

    (I am a pharmacy technician. The pharmacist receives a call.)

    Caller: “This is Lisa; I am calling from Dr. [name]‘s office. I need to call in a prescription for a patient.”

    Pharmacist: “Sure, what is the patient’s name?”

    Caller: “It is [name].”

    Pharmacist: “And the prescription?”

    Caller: “It’s [narcotic], 90 pills, three times a day.”

    Pharmacist: “Okay, thanks.”

    (The pharmacist hangs up and turns to me, frowning.)

    Pharmacist: “Do you know anything about this?”

    Me: “What? No, why?”

    (The pharmacist shows me the called-in prescription.)

    Me: “Oh! Lisa was fired months ago. You had better call the police.”

    (When Lisa comes in to pick up the narcotic prescription for her boyfriend, the police are there to arrest her. The Doctor she used to work for is my father; she was trying to use his license number to get pills from a dozen nearby pharmacies.)

    He Came First

    | ACT, Australia | At The Checkout, Health & Body, Rude & Risque

    (Two customers enter at the same time. One is a woman, and the other is a man in his 70s. I get their scripts ready. As the woman is done first, I send her up to the tills while I finish with the man. Since there is another customer at the tills, I end up putting the man through before the woman is served.)

    Woman: “I was here first! How come he is served before me? What does he have that I don’t?

    (The man responds without a second thought.)

    Man: “Raw sex appeal.”

    (If I was allowed to discount scripts, I would have given him his for free.)


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