I’m Over Your Hangover

| Perth, WA, Australia | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Health & Body

(I’m another customer waiting for my prescription. A young hungover male customer is talking to the pharmacy staff. She is asking him some questions to be sure he’s not drug seeking.)

Customer: “I need some strong headache stuff.”

Pharmacist: “Okay sir, just a couple of questions. Are you allergic to anything?”

Customer: “No.”

Pharmacist: “Okay, are you taking any other medications?”

Customer: *annoyed sigh* “NO! D*** it, I had too much to drink last night and my head f****** hurts; just give me the f***** tablets.”

(I hadn’t noticed the head pharmacist hovering till the man got aggravated. He is a 6 foot tall, usually quietly spoken, older man.)

Head Pharmacist: “Sir, there is absolutely no need to swear at [Pharmacist]. She has to ask these questions for your safety.” *hands over some headache tablets* “Here you go, sir.”

Customer: “Whatever.”

(He pays and leaves. The pharmacist turns to her coworker.)

Pharmacist: “I should’ve given him the strongest laxatives we have.”

(I couldn’t help but giggle.)

Ensuring A Lack Of Insuring

| WI, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Money

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I would like to pick up my prescription.”

Me: “Okay, what is your last name?”

Customer: “[Name].”

Me: “I notice that we have not run insurance on this. Let me look into that.”

(I pull her up on the computer and notice we do not have any insurance information on file.)

Me: “We do not have insurance on file for you. Do you have insurance you would like us to bill?”

Customer: “Yes.”

(Usually the customer gets a card out so I give her some time, but she just stares at me waiting, so I ask:)

Me: “Do you have the card with you?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Right now this costs $89.75, but your insurance should bring that down. We will need the insurance information located on your card to bill them. Would you like some time to go get it?”

Customer: “It has never cost more than $5 before.”

Me: “Okay, hold on.”

(I look to see if we have another file for her that may have her insurance listed but none come up.)

Me: “I’m sorry we don’t have your insurance information. Have you filled with us or at another location? Or could it be under a different last name?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: *frustrated at this point* “Okay, then, there are a few options. You can find your insurance card and we can run it through, or you can pay the $89.75 and come back later with the insurance card for a refund. We have seven days to do a refund in store. After that we would have to send it to corporate and it could take several weeks.”

Customer: “”But it has never cost more than $5.”

Me: “I understand. I am sure the price will go down as soon as we get your insurance information. Would you like to go get your card?”

Customer: “I don’t have a card. I’ve never had a problem before.”

Me: “Where did you get your prescription last?”

Customer: “[Different pharmacy].”

Me: “We are not connected with them and cannot access their files.” *I give her the two options again*

Customer: “This is ridiculous; it should only be $5! You should have my insurance!”

Me: “Actually it is your responsibility to carry your insurance card. Most people carry them in their wallet.”

Customer: *walks away*

Coworker: “She must think your name tag says magician not technician.”

The Test Is Inconclusive

| Bergen, Norway | Bizarre, Health & Body

(I work as a headmaster and one day drive to the local mall during lunch. One of the teachers asks to ride with me as she has an errand to run. When we get to the mall we split up, and then we meet up at the car a little later to go back to the school. The teacher is nine months pregnant when this happens.)

Teacher: *suddenly laughs, apparently for no reason*

Me: “What?”

Teacher: “I just realized why the shop assistant at the chemist was looking at me as if I am completely nuts!”

Me: “Why?”

Teacher: “Well, one of the girls in my class was really worried that she might be pregnant, and I offered to get a pregnancy test for her. So there I came, waddling in with my huge belly, and I asked where the pregnancy tests were. The look the guy gave me was priceless!”

Can’t Stretch To Accommodate This Call

| Southaven, MS, USA | Bad Behavior, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

Customer: “Hi, I needed to ask you some questions about condoms.”

Me: “Okay, go ahead.”

Customer: “Well, you see I have a problem. All the condoms seem to be too small and are very tight.”

Me: “Okay, well they do make larger condoms such as Trojan Magnums.”

Customer: “Well, I’ve tried those and even those are too small for me.”

Me: “Well, I’ve never really heard of that, since condoms are designed to be very stretchy.”

Customer: “I’ve just tried all sorts of condoms. What I really need is for you to help me try on the condom.”

Me: *click*

Pretty In Pink-Orange

| San Francisco, CA, USA | Bigotry, Bizarre, Holidays

(Last year I dyed my hair bright red, and by October it was starting to fade out to a pink-orange. I was used to getting a lot of comments about my hair and most were positive so I was taken by surprise when I was ringing up an older customer a few days before Halloween.)

Husband: “Is that your real hair?”

Me: “Yes. it is.”

Husband: “Well. I like it. It’s nice. You look very pretty.”

Me: “Thank you.”

(His wife looks at him with a face that says she doesn’t appreciate him complimenting me.)

Husband: *to his wife* “Well, she’s Halloween pretty, anyway.”

Me: “…here’s your receipt. Have a nice night…”

(My manager and I still haven’t figured out if I should take that as a compliment or insult, yet.)

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