Featured Story:
  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • MacGyver Becomes a Dad

    | Hampton, SC, USA |

    (A man was picking up a prescription for his infant child.)

    Customer: “How much did you say the prescription was?”

    Me: “$49.99.”

    Customer: “What’s the difference between this and what I can get over the counter?”

    Me: “There’s no cough medicine you can give your 8 month old, sir, other than this.”

    Customer: “Well, what’s in it?”

    (He picks up the prescription papers and starts rustling through them.)

    Customer: “If I can buy everything that’s in it over the counter, I’ll just make it myself.”

    Me: “…excuse me?”

    Perhaps Multiple Choice Might Be Easier

    | Sydney, Australia |

    Customer: “I’m after some cold and flu medication.”

    Me: “Sure, do you take any other medication?”

    Customer: “Um… no… I don’t thi-… wait, yes, but it’s… actually no, no, I don’t.”

    Me: “Okay then, and are you allergic to anything?”

    Customer: “God, this is too hard!” *storms out*

    Surely, One Missed Anatomy Class Can’t Hurt…

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Top

    (A woman walks in with her daughter one afternoon.)

    Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “There’s something wrong with my daughter.”

    Me: “Oh?”

    Customer: “Her eyes keep closing on their own!”

    Me: “…ma’am, that’s called blinking.”

    Insert Butt Crack Here

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA |

    Customer: “Hi, I’m having a problem with my suppositories. They’re not working at all!”

    Me: “Okay, let me get the pharmacist for you so he can help you.”

    (The customer decides to just yell the same question over two counters to the pharmacist in front of at least 10 other people.)

    Pharmacist: “Ma’am, would you like to come over to our consultation are so we can talk about this privately?”

    Customer: “No, I just want to know why my suppositories aren’t working!”

    Pharmacist: “Well, okay. Are they melting before you insert them?”

    Customer: “No, nothing like that!”

    Pharmacist: “Are they breaking up into pieces before you use them?”

    Customer: “No, no, nothing like that! They’re all in one piece and the same shape and all that stuff! I know how to follow the d*** directions!”

    Pharmacist: “Are parts of the foil wrapper sticking to it at all?”

    Customer: “What wrapper?!”

    (Note: the suppository wrappers are aluminum foil with sharp edges. Ouch.)

    After This, She’s Gonna Need An Antidepressant

    | Elk Grove, CA, USA | Health & Body

    Customer: “Hi, can I have some of those allergy medications that are behind the counter? The 24 hour kind.”

    Me: “Sure thing…”

    (I grab one, because law mandates that the computers only allow me to check out one 24 hour medication for a certain period of time).

    Customer: “Oh, I wanted four. Can I have four, please?”

    Me: “Sorry, I can only give you one. There’s a law that makes me check your ID on the computer. It won’t let me check out more than one for you, at least not in the 24 hour dose.”

    Customer: “Well, can you at least try? If you’d TRY once in a while, you never know what you can do!”

    Me: “Alright then…”

    (I scan one and sure enough, the second won’t go through.)

    Me: “Yup, it won’t let me check out the second one. Your total’s gonna be about 20 bucks.”

    Customer: “Okay, now try the third one.”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “If the second one didn’t work, maybe the third one will.”

    Me: “Ma’am, all four of these are exactly the same. If the second one didn’t work, what makes you think if I rang up another box of the exact same thing would work?”

    Customer: “JUST DO IT!”

    Me: “Okay… yeah… it’s not working.”

    Customer: “Okay, now try the fourth one.”

    (Suffice it to say it doesn’t work; after she buys her one box, she comes back about fifteen minutes later.)

    Customer: “HOW DARE YOU SELL ME THIS EXPIRED MEDICATION!”

    Me: “Err… what? I can guarantee you it’s not. I checked it before I gave it to you.”

    Customer: “Oh yeah? Then what’s this? It says FEB 10!”

    Me: “Yes… February… of 2010. Not February 10th.”

    Customer: “Uh… well, I’m older than you and I probably make way more than you anyway, so I’m right. I’m 42 and I make $** an hour!”

    Me: “I’ll agree with you, you’re much older than I am. I’m only 26. But ma’am, you are talking to a pharmacist. I make twice that. Oh wait… I’m in overtime now… three times that. Actually, in the time it took me to help you, I just made one hour’s worth of your wage. Is there anything else I can do for you today?”

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