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    Thirteen Bucks Can Buy A Lot Of Beans

    | Tennessee, USA |

    Old man: “I hear there’s this stuff you can put on your food that won’t give you gas.”

    Me: “Oh yeah… it’s called Beano. Put a couple of drops on your food and the enzymes in it prevent the food from giving you gas.”

    Old man: “So, you have it?”

    Me: “Yep. I’ll show you.”

    (We walk over to the shelf where Beano is kept. I show him the little 3 or 4 oz. bottle; a little goes a long way with that stuff.)

    Me: “This is it.”

    Old man: “How much?”

    Me: “$12.99.”

    Old man: “For THAT little bottle? S***, I’ll just fart!”

    Along The Way, You’ll Meet Some Hopped-Up Munchkins

    | Southbury, CT, USA |

    (I live in a town where 65% of the people are 65 years old and older. When we were redoing the design of the store, they placed a large white walkway from the front door to the pharmacy.)

    Customer: “Hi, I would like to pick up my prescription.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but this is the front of the store. Your prescription is in the back of the store, in the pharmacy.”

    Customer: “How do I get there?”

    Me: “Follow the white brick road.”

    Teenage Boys And Smutty Mags? You Don’t Say!

    | Columbus, OH, USA | Family & Kids, Religion, Rude & Risque, Top

    Angry Old Woman: “Excuse me! I am very upset because you sold my young grandson pornography!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t sell pornography.”

    Angry Old Woman: “Get me the manager now!”

    Manager: “What seems to be the problem, ma’am?”

    Angry Old Woman: “Your pervert cashier sold my grandson pornography!”

    Manager: “Are you sure about that? We don’t sell anything like that here.”

    Angry Old Woman: “Do you think I’m stupid? I saw it with my own eyes! It had naked women and he told me he bought it here with no problem!”

    Manager: “Could you show me on the shelf what it was?”

    (She goes over to the magazines, and points at Maxim.)

    Angry Old Woman: “It was this one! See right here! Where any child could see!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, this magazine is not pornography. Granted, the women are scantily clad in a few pictures but they aren’t naked and there is no age restriction on its sale.”

    Angry Old Woman: “I know pornography when I see it, and this is very offensive. How could you sell it to young children?”

    Manager: “Well, actually our store policy dictates that we won’t sell this to a young child even though it is still legal. How old is your grandson?”

    Angry Old Woman: “He’s only sixteen!”

    Manager: *rolls eyes* “I don’t want to offend your moral beliefs, Ma’am, but if your sixteen year old grandson wants to look at women in bikinis there is no force on earth that is going to stop it, seriously.”

    Angry Old Woman: “The power of Jesus can stop it! The power of Christ should compel you to remove this magazine from your shelves!”

    Manager: “Right…real quick, ma’am, before I get back to work, can I ask you a question? Does your grandson have internet access?”

    Angry Old Woman: “What does that have to do with anything?”

    Manager: “A lot, and I think that the power of Christ should compel you to learn how to look up his browser history. Have a good day.”

    Where The Sun Don’t Shine, Bungholio

    | Dallas, TX, USA |

    Customer: “These things don’t work! They are hard to swallow and I nearly choked to death.”

    Me: “Ma’am, they are suppositories. You don’t swallow them, you insert them rectally.”

    Customer: “What does that mean?”

    Me: “You unwrap them and insert them in your rectum.”

    Customer: “What’s my rectum?”

    Me: “Ma’am, please forgive me, but your rectum is your butt hole.”

    Customer: “Well up yours too!” *stalks off*

    (This is not the first time someone misunderstood when we explained how to use a suppository. It’s the only time we can tell a patient “up yours” and get away with it!)

    How About Some Ritalin While You’re At It

    | Georgia, USA |

    (Our insurance transmitter was experiencing problems, so we were unable to transmit to any insurance companies when filling prescriptions. I explained this to one customer, who decided to sit and wait for a while to see if the transmitter would come back up. Meanwhile another customer came in with a prescription.)

    New Customer: “Hi, I’d like this filled please.”

    Me: *explains transmitter problem*

    New Customer: “Oh that’s okay, I don’t have insurance.”

    Me: “No problem, we’ll have it ready in just a few minutes.”

    Original Customer: “Wait! I was ahead of her! Why isn’t mine ready!?”

    Me: “We are still waiting for the insurance transmitter to come back up, sir.”

    Original Customer: “Well how did you fill hers!”

    New Customer: “I pay cash, I don’t have prescription coverage.”

    Original Customer: “Well I pay cash too!”

    Me: “You want to just get it at retail price, and not use insurance?”

    Original Customer: “Yes! I have cash! I’ll pay for it, just fill it now!”

    (5 minutes later…)

    Me: “Okay sir, we’ve got you ready. The total comes to $35.99.”

    Original Customer: “WHAT! My co-pay is only $3.00!”

    Me: “Sir, you said you wanted to go ahead and pay cash price since the insurance transmitter is still down.”

    Original Customer: “I do have cash! See?” *shows wallet with cash in it* “Why is it $35?! You people don’t know anything! I’m taking my business elsewhere!”

    Me: *face palm*

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