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    Even Managers Have A Stupid Quota

    | United Kingdom |

    (A young, angry-looking woman is standing at the pharmacy counter with a small pile of white sticks.)

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, these pregnancy tests are all faulty. I want a refund.”

    Me: “Okay. So, what happened? Were they broken or missing pieces?”

    Customer: “No, they keep saying positive. I’m not pregnant.”

    Me: “Um… okay. So, if you’re not pregnant, then why get the tests?”

    Customer: “Get your manager!”

    Me: *gets manager*

    Manager: “What’s the problem?”

    (I wander off at this point, called into the vitamins section. When I come back, security is taking the woman out of the store.)

    Me: “What the…?”

    Manager: “Twit. She just wanted her money back. I hope she has twins that cause a LOT of pain and are ugly. REAL ugly… and poop a lot!”

    Related:
    Even Bosses Have A Stupid Quota

    Speak For Yourself

    | Columbus, OH, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me!”

    Me: “How can I help you, sir?”

    Customer: “My wife sent me in here to pick up some chestnut brown and I can’t find it.”

    Me: “Okay, is that makeup or hair color?”

    Customer: “I don’t know, she just said chestnut brown.”

    Me: “Do you happen to remember the brand name?”

    Customer: “No! She just said chestnut brown. Weren’t you listening?”

    Me: “Well, it sounds like hair dye to me. Let’s have a look.”

    (We both go to the hair coloring aisle and I start to look through every shade in every brand. The man does not help at all; it takes me ten minutes.)

    Me: “Here you go sir, this is Garnier Hair Color, chestnut brown.”

    Customer: “Are you sure that’s it? I don’t want to go home and have to come back.”

    Me: “You could call your wife and ask her.”

    Customer: “She’s not at home. Oh wait, hold on.”

    (He pulls a piece of paper from his pocket and begins to read it.)

    Customer: “Yep, Garnier chestnut brown. That’s it!”

    Me: “Sir, no offense, but you could have saved us a lot of time by reading that note in the first place.”

    Customer: “That’s the problem with this country, nobody wants to work anymore!”

    Me: “Yeah, that’s our problem.”

    He Shoots, He Misses

    | New Paltz, New York, USA |

    (I used to work at a drug store. ¬†From time to time, the pharmacy portion of the store wouldn’t open because there wasn’t a pharmacist to do so. A customer reads the closed sign…)

    Customer: “What’s the meaning of this?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. The pharmacy is closed today because we don’t have a pharmacist.”

    Customer: “People are SICK! They need their MEDICATION!”

    Me: “I wish there was something I could do, sir, but–”

    Customer: “You know what this is? Do you?! Two words! TWO WORDS! UN-ACCEPTABLE!”

    Thirteen Bucks Can Buy A Lot Of Beans

    | Tennessee, USA |

    Old man: “I hear there’s this stuff you can put on your food that won’t give you gas.”

    Me: “Oh yeah… it’s called Beano. Put a couple of drops on your food and the enzymes in it prevent the food from giving you gas.”

    Old man: “So, you have it?”

    Me: “Yep. I’ll show you.”

    (We walk over to the shelf where Beano is kept. I show him the little 3 or 4 oz. bottle; a little goes a long way with that stuff.)

    Me: “This is it.”

    Old man: “How much?”

    Me: “$12.99.”

    Old man: “For THAT little bottle? S***, I’ll just fart!”

    Along The Way, You’ll Meet Some Hopped-Up Munchkins

    | Southbury, CT, USA |

    (I live in a town where 65% of the people are 65 years old and older. When we were redoing the design of the store, they placed a large white walkway from the front door to the pharmacy.)

    Customer: “Hi, I would like to pick up my prescription.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but this is the front of the store. Your prescription is in the back of the store, in the pharmacy.”

    Customer: “How do I get there?”

    Me: “Follow the white brick road.”

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