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    Surely, One Missed Anatomy Class Can’t Hurt…

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Top

    (A woman walks in with her daughter one afternoon.)

    Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “There’s something wrong with my daughter.”

    Me: “Oh?”

    Customer: “Her eyes keep closing on their own!”

    Me: “…ma’am, that’s called blinking.”

    Insert Butt Crack Here

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA |

    Customer: “Hi, I’m having a problem with my suppositories. They’re not working at all!”

    Me: “Okay, let me get the pharmacist for you so he can help you.”

    (The customer decides to just yell the same question over two counters to the pharmacist in front of at least 10 other people.)

    Pharmacist: “Ma’am, would you like to come over to our consultation are so we can talk about this privately?”

    Customer: “No, I just want to know why my suppositories aren’t working!”

    Pharmacist: “Well, okay. Are they melting before you insert them?”

    Customer: “No, nothing like that!”

    Pharmacist: “Are they breaking up into pieces before you use them?”

    Customer: “No, no, nothing like that! They’re all in one piece and the same shape and all that stuff! I know how to follow the d*** directions!”

    Pharmacist: “Are parts of the foil wrapper sticking to it at all?”

    Customer: “What wrapper?!”

    (Note: the suppository wrappers are aluminum foil with sharp edges. Ouch.)

    After This, She’s Gonna Need An Antidepressant

    | Elk Grove, CA, USA | Health & Body

    Customer: “Hi, can I have some of those allergy medications that are behind the counter? The 24 hour kind.”

    Me: “Sure thing…”

    (I grab one, because law mandates that the computers only allow me to check out one 24 hour medication for a certain period of time).

    Customer: “Oh, I wanted four. Can I have four, please?”

    Me: “Sorry, I can only give you one. There’s a law that makes me check your ID on the computer. It won’t let me check out more than one for you, at least not in the 24 hour dose.”

    Customer: “Well, can you at least try? If you’d TRY once in a while, you never know what you can do!”

    Me: “Alright then…”

    (I scan one and sure enough, the second won’t go through.)

    Me: “Yup, it won’t let me check out the second one. Your total’s gonna be about 20 bucks.”

    Customer: “Okay, now try the third one.”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “If the second one didn’t work, maybe the third one will.”

    Me: “Ma’am, all four of these are exactly the same. If the second one didn’t work, what makes you think if I rang up another box of the exact same thing would work?”

    Customer: “JUST DO IT!”

    Me: “Okay… yeah… it’s not working.”

    Customer: “Okay, now try the fourth one.”

    (Suffice it to say it doesn’t work; after she buys her one box, she comes back about fifteen minutes later.)

    Customer: “HOW DARE YOU SELL ME THIS EXPIRED MEDICATION!”

    Me: “Err… what? I can guarantee you it’s not. I checked it before I gave it to you.”

    Customer: “Oh yeah? Then what’s this? It says FEB 10!”

    Me: “Yes… February… of 2010. Not February 10th.”

    Customer: “Uh… well, I’m older than you and I probably make way more than you anyway, so I’m right. I’m 42 and I make $** an hour!”

    Me: “I’ll agree with you, you’re much older than I am. I’m only 26. But ma’am, you are talking to a pharmacist. I make twice that. Oh wait… I’m in overtime now… three times that. Actually, in the time it took me to help you, I just made one hour’s worth of your wage. Is there anything else I can do for you today?”

    Even Managers Have A Stupid Quota

    | United Kingdom |

    (A young, angry-looking woman is standing at the pharmacy counter with a small pile of white sticks.)

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, these pregnancy tests are all faulty. I want a refund.”

    Me: “Okay. So, what happened? Were they broken or missing pieces?”

    Customer: “No, they keep saying positive. I’m not pregnant.”

    Me: “Um… okay. So, if you’re not pregnant, then why get the tests?”

    Customer: “Get your manager!”

    Me: *gets manager*

    Manager: “What’s the problem?”

    (I wander off at this point, called into the vitamins section. When I come back, security is taking the woman out of the store.)

    Me: “What the…?”

    Manager: “Twit. She just wanted her money back. I hope she has twins that cause a LOT of pain and are ugly. REAL ugly… and poop a lot!”

    Related:
    Even Bosses Have A Stupid Quota

    Speak For Yourself

    | Columbus, OH, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me!”

    Me: “How can I help you, sir?”

    Customer: “My wife sent me in here to pick up some chestnut brown and I can’t find it.”

    Me: “Okay, is that makeup or hair color?”

    Customer: “I don’t know, she just said chestnut brown.”

    Me: “Do you happen to remember the brand name?”

    Customer: “No! She just said chestnut brown. Weren’t you listening?”

    Me: “Well, it sounds like hair dye to me. Let’s have a look.”

    (We both go to the hair coloring aisle and I start to look through every shade in every brand. The man does not help at all; it takes me ten minutes.)

    Me: “Here you go sir, this is Garnier Hair Color, chestnut brown.”

    Customer: “Are you sure that’s it? I don’t want to go home and have to come back.”

    Me: “You could call your wife and ask her.”

    Customer: “She’s not at home. Oh wait, hold on.”

    (He pulls a piece of paper from his pocket and begins to read it.)

    Customer: “Yep, Garnier chestnut brown. That’s it!”

    Me: “Sir, no offense, but you could have saved us a lot of time by reading that note in the first place.”

    Customer: “That’s the problem with this country, nobody wants to work anymore!”

    Me: “Yeah, that’s our problem.”


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