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    Script Stupidity

    | Des Moines, IA, USA |

    Customer: *holds up two bottles* “What’s the difference between these two medicines?”

    Me: “The one on the left is a capsule; the one on the right is a tablet.”

    Customer: “I mean, which one would be better?”

    Me: “They’re exactly the same medicine, just in different forms. Most people buy whichever one is easier for them to swallow.”

    Customer: “That’s just stupid! How can you swallow a bottle?”

    Where There’s A Pill, There’s A Way

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA |

    (A customer comes in with a prescription for a narcotic pain reliever. He says that he was at the hospital with his wife and the hospital stole his pills, which is why he needs to get this prescription filled, even though his last prescription was just filled a few days ago.)

    Me: “OK, sir, I talked to your doctor and he says I can fill your prescription.”

    Customer: “Great, can I wait? I have no pills left and I really need it.”

    Me: “It’ll be about 10 minutes.”

    (10 minutes later.)

    Me: “OK sir, your prescription is ready.”

    Customer: “Hey, are those pills the same as this?” *holds up pill*

    Me: “I thought you didn’t have any pills left, sir.”

    Customer: “Well…I bought this off the street, to be honest with you.”

    Me: “Oh…good.”

    Super Absorbent For Those Mentally Heavy Days

    | Texas, USA |

    (An elderly man calls up to the store.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling ****, this is ****, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, my granddaughter came to visit me, and she bought me a birthday gift. It’s on the kitchen table, but I’m not sure what it is.”

    Me: “OK, well, what can you tell me about the product?”

    Customer: “Well, the box says ‘K-O-T-E-X’ – can you tell me what that is, honey? What it’s used for? I just can’t figure it out.”

    Me: Well, sir…that’s a feminine hygiene product.”

    Customer: “Feminine hygiene? What’s the product for? I just can’t figure it out.”

    Me: “Sir…it’s for women on their period.”

    Customer: “Why would my granddaughter buy me Kotex?”

    Me: “I don’t know sir, maybe you should ask her that.”

    Customer: “So can I still use them to stir my Kool-Aid with? Because that’s what I’ve been using them for.”

    Yeah, Definitely Contraindicated

    | San Diego, CA, USA |

    (A patient walks up to the pick up window looking like he just came from the emergency room.)

    Me: “Hello, sir, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I wanna drop this off…” *hands me an ER prescription*

    Me: “Sir, this is the pick up window. You need to drop off the prescription at the drop off window.”

    Customer: “Where’s that?”

    Me: “The counter at the entrance to the room with the big sign that says “Drop Off Window’.”

    Customer: “Where?”

    Me: “You know, you already waited in line so I’ll just take the prescription here. Have you ever had any medication here before?”

    Customer: “I don’t know, have I?”

    Me: “I’ll take that as a no. Do you have any allergies to medication?”

    Customer: “Well, when I mix heroin and battery acid, I get a rash.”

    Me: “… I’ll make a note on that.”

    Bilingual Secret Shame

    | Massachusetts, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me, what are diaper couches?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “Diaper couches.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m not sure what you mean.”

    Customer: *points to the boxes of diapers* “That box! It says ‘diaper couches’.”

    Me: *suddenly understanding* “Ma’am, that box says diapers, and then it says ‘couches’. That’s the French word for diapers.”

    Customer: *looks around, then whispers* “Don’t tell anyone!” *leaves*

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