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    On The Bright Side, There Are Worse Orifices

    | Roswell, GA, USA |

    Me: “*** Pharmacy, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, your medicine is defective.”

    Me: “Sir, why don’t I get your information so I can take a look at your profile.”

    Customer: *gives his name and date of birth*

    Me: “I see that the last prescriptions you filled were antibiotic and drops for your ear infection. Are your symptoms still bothering you?”

    Customer: “Yes, and how the h*** do you expect me to fit this giant pill in my ear?”

    Me: “Sir, that’s an antibiotic tablet. It’s meant to be taken orally.”

    TMI Mom Tries To Help

    | Canada |

    (A forty-something year old woman comes to the counter with her purchases. Amongst them is a box of condoms, which have security stickers on them. Before I scan the item, I swipe it a few times over the scanner to deactivate it.)

    Customer: “Is it not scanning?”

    Me: “No, I’m just deactivating the security sticker. I don’t want you to set off the alarm on the way out. Especially over condoms!”

    Customer: “Oh I’m not embarrassed! They’re not for me, they’re for my son. I can’t even get an erection!”

    Script Stupidity

    | Des Moines, IA, USA |

    Customer: *holds up two bottles* “What’s the difference between these two medicines?”

    Me: “The one on the left is a capsule; the one on the right is a tablet.”

    Customer: “I mean, which one would be better?”

    Me: “They’re exactly the same medicine, just in different forms. Most people buy whichever one is easier for them to swallow.”

    Customer: “That’s just stupid! How can you swallow a bottle?”

    Where There’s A Pill, There’s A Way

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA |

    (A customer comes in with a prescription for a narcotic pain reliever. He says that he was at the hospital with his wife and the hospital stole his pills, which is why he needs to get this prescription filled, even though his last prescription was just filled a few days ago.)

    Me: “OK, sir, I talked to your doctor and he says I can fill your prescription.”

    Customer: “Great, can I wait? I have no pills left and I really need it.”

    Me: “It’ll be about 10 minutes.”

    (10 minutes later.)

    Me: “OK sir, your prescription is ready.”

    Customer: “Hey, are those pills the same as this?” *holds up pill*

    Me: “I thought you didn’t have any pills left, sir.”

    Customer: “Well…I bought this off the street, to be honest with you.”

    Me: “Oh…good.”

    Super Absorbent For Those Mentally Heavy Days

    | Texas, USA |

    (An elderly man calls up to the store.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling ****, this is ****, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, my granddaughter came to visit me, and she bought me a birthday gift. It’s on the kitchen table, but I’m not sure what it is.”

    Me: “OK, well, what can you tell me about the product?”

    Customer: “Well, the box says ‘K-O-T-E-X’ – can you tell me what that is, honey? What it’s used for? I just can’t figure it out.”

    Me: Well, sir…that’s a feminine hygiene product.”

    Customer: “Feminine hygiene? What’s the product for? I just can’t figure it out.”

    Me: “Sir…it’s for women on their period.”

    Customer: “Why would my granddaughter buy me Kotex?”

    Me: “I don’t know sir, maybe you should ask her that.”

    Customer: “So can I still use them to stir my Kool-Aid with? Because that’s what I’ve been using them for.”


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