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    This One’s A No-Brainer

    | Sydney, Australia |

    Customer: “My mother is taking some medication and it is making her sick. Can you stop giving it to her?”

    Me: “I’ll have to ask the pharmacist for you. What medication is it?”

    Customer: “It’s a little white pill.”

    Me: “You don’t know the name of it, sir? We do have many white pills in the pharmacy.”

    Customer: “I think it’s for her heart…or her brain.”

    Noah Already Had Two Customers On The Ark

    | Iowa City, IA, USA |

    (Note: much of our area is suffering from massive flooding. A man walks into our chain pharmacy, completely drenched from the chest down.)

    Me: “Wow, what happened to you?”

    Customer: “I tried to go to your other location and it was closed!”

    Me: “That location is flooded, sir. There’s about four feet of water surrounding it.”

    Customer: “I know! I had to wade all the way up to the door before I found out it was closed! How do you think I got so wet?”

    Hard Drugs And Harder Pharmacists

    | Mount Holly, NJ, USA | Top

    (A teen approaches my cash register very slowly.)

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Gimme all the f***ing medicine!”

    (The teen pulls out an airsoft pistol with orange tip still glued to the front.)

    Me: “The pharmacy is in the back of the store.”

    Customer: “Oh…okay.”

    (He holsters the air-soft gun in his belt and darts down the aisles to the back of the store. My manager comes out of the back room because of the commotion.)

    Manager: “Who was that?”

    Me: “Some kid looking for drugs. He went back to the pharmacy.”

    Manager: “Why didn’t you call the police?”

    (The teen runs screaming from the back of the store out of the front door followed closely by the pharmacy technician, a 35 year old boxer built like a fridge.)

    Me: “Doug started working today.”

    Not A Case Of If, But When…

    | New Haven, CT, USA |

    (While waiting in line, I overhear a conversation between a teenager and a police officer, both of whom are also waiting. The boy has red plastic cups and ping pong balls in hand.)

    Officer: “Can I ask what those are for?”

    Teenage customer: “No, no questions.”

    Officer: “Where’s the party?”

    Teenage customer: “No parties.”

    (The kid checks out, and as he’s walking out the door yells “SODA PONG!” and flicks his wrist.)

    Officer, to me: “Yeah, I’ll get the call in a couple hours.”

    There’s No Pills Like Home

    | Long Island, NY, USA | Top

    (A patient called in to inquire about her medication she had just picked up.)

    Me: *on the phone* “Pharmacy.”

    Patient: “Hi, I just picked up this medication, and I think I may have a problem.”

    Me: “Is there something incorrect with how it was filled?”

    Patient: “No, it’s just that the cream here says to apply locally, and I’m going out of town tonight. I was wondering if I could still use it.”

    Me: “Um…yes, yes you can.”

    Patient: “Oh, OK good…. Oh…oh God. I just realized…oh my God, just forget I asked! How stupid of me!”

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