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    There’s No Pills Like Home

    | Long Island, NY, USA | Top

    (A patient called in to inquire about her medication she had just picked up.)

    Me: *on the phone* “Pharmacy.”

    Patient: “Hi, I just picked up this medication, and I think I may have a problem.”

    Me: “Is there something incorrect with how it was filled?”

    Patient: “No, it’s just that the cream here says to apply locally, and I’m going out of town tonight. I was wondering if I could still use it.”

    Me: “Um…yes, yes you can.”

    Patient: “Oh, OK good…. Oh…oh God. I just realized…oh my God, just forget I asked! How stupid of me!”

    On The Bright Side, There Are Worse Orifices

    | Roswell, GA, USA |

    Me: “*** Pharmacy, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, your medicine is defective.”

    Me: “Sir, why don’t I get your information so I can take a look at your profile.”

    Customer: *gives his name and date of birth*

    Me: “I see that the last prescriptions you filled were antibiotic and drops for your ear infection. Are your symptoms still bothering you?”

    Customer: “Yes, and how the h*** do you expect me to fit this giant pill in my ear?”

    Me: “Sir, that’s an antibiotic tablet. It’s meant to be taken orally.”

    TMI Mom Tries To Help

    | Canada |

    (A forty-something year old woman comes to the counter with her purchases. Amongst them is a box of condoms, which have security stickers on them. Before I scan the item, I swipe it a few times over the scanner to deactivate it.)

    Customer: “Is it not scanning?”

    Me: “No, I’m just deactivating the security sticker. I don’t want you to set off the alarm on the way out. Especially over condoms!”

    Customer: “Oh I’m not embarrassed! They’re not for me, they’re for my son. I can’t even get an erection!”

    Script Stupidity

    | Des Moines, IA, USA |

    Customer: *holds up two bottles* “What’s the difference between these two medicines?”

    Me: “The one on the left is a capsule; the one on the right is a tablet.”

    Customer: “I mean, which one would be better?”

    Me: “They’re exactly the same medicine, just in different forms. Most people buy whichever one is easier for them to swallow.”

    Customer: “That’s just stupid! How can you swallow a bottle?”

    Where There’s A Pill, There’s A Way

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA |

    (A customer comes in with a prescription for a narcotic pain reliever. He says that he was at the hospital with his wife and the hospital stole his pills, which is why he needs to get this prescription filled, even though his last prescription was just filled a few days ago.)

    Me: “OK, sir, I talked to your doctor and he says I can fill your prescription.”

    Customer: “Great, can I wait? I have no pills left and I really need it.”

    Me: “It’ll be about 10 minutes.”

    (10 minutes later.)

    Me: “OK sir, your prescription is ready.”

    Customer: “Hey, are those pills the same as this?” *holds up pill*

    Me: “I thought you didn’t have any pills left, sir.”

    Customer: “Well…I bought this off the street, to be honest with you.”

    Me: “Oh…good.”


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