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  • Talking At-At Cross Purposes
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    Discount Discounted

    | Sherman Oaks, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Money

    Me: “And do you have a free rewards card with us, ma’am?”

    Customer: “A what? I don’t know. Maybe. I don’t know.”

    Me: “If you think you have one, I can look it up by your phone number?

    Customer: “My what?”

    Me: *louder* “Your phone number, ma’am.”

    Customer: “I don’t have one of those! I don’t think I have one! I don’t have a phone number! I don’t have one!”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, that’s fine. Your total today is $26.74, and just to let you know, you could have saved $5.90 if you had the rewards card.”

    Customer: “A discount? My phone number is ***-****.”

    Will Power On Aisle 2

    | Canada | Rude & Risque

    Teenage girl: “Do you guys sell that contraceptive abstinence?”

    Me: “Abstinence?”

    Teenage girl: “Yeah! Abstinence! I read that it’s the only 100% way to not get pregnant!”

    Me: “That’s right. But, abstinence is to not have sex. Like abstain from.”

    Teenage girl: “Well, that just sucks!”

    Misunderstood ‘Total Coverage’

    | Detroit, MI, USA | Extra Stupid

    Me: “Our records show you’ve never had a prescription filled here before, so I’ll need an ID and your insurance.”

    Customer: “Here’s my ID. I don’t have my insurance on me, but it’s through [car insurance company].”

    Me: “Sir, I think that’s your car insurance. Do you have health insurance?”

    Customer: “You mean there’s more than one kind?”

    Feeling Pooped

    | Milwaukee, WI, USA | Health & Body, Rude & Risque

    (A couple approaches the counter.)

    Me: “Can I help?”

    Customer: “Yes, can you give me advice about his stool?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t give medical advice. Perhaps you’d like to speak to our pharmacist, or consult your doctor?”

    Customer: “No, I’m sure they’re very busy. I just want someone to tell me if it’s normal.”

    Me: “The law says I can’t give advice. Let me get the pharmacist.”

    Customer: “No, really, I have some here.” *whips out a clear bag of poo on the counter* “See, it’s all gritty. That’s not normal, is it? Do you have pills for that?”

    Me: “Ma’am, you might want to take that to your doctor. We can’t accept biological waste.”

    Customer: *to her husband* “See, Joe, I told you it was wrong. That’s why I save them.”

    Rectify The Situation

    | UK | Health & Body, Rude & Risque

    Customer: “Hi there, do you sell rectums?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

    Customer: “Rectums. I need a rectum. do you sell them?”

    Me: “Why do you need it?”

    Customer: “I have some tablets here and it says ‘insert via rectum’ and as I don’t have one, I thought I better buy one.”

    Me: “I think I better call the pharmacist in.”

    (I call the pharmacist in who explains to the man exactly what a rectum is. He leaves red faced.)

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    Where The Sun Don’t Shine, Bungholio!

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