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    This Customer Has Trouble Written All Over Him

    | Baldwinsville, NY, USA |

    Customer: “I’d like to buy some syringes.”

    Me: “Can I see some ID?”

    Customer: “They’re not for me, they’re for my dad. He’s a diabetic and needs them for his insulin.”

    Me: “Okay. I still need to see some ID. Do you know his date of birth?”

    Customer: “I’ll never forget his date of birth. I had it tattooed on my arm the day he died.”

    (The customer proceeds to show everyone in the pharmacy the tattoo of his deceased father’s DOB–the same father that he is trying to buy syringes for.)

    So Mummy Can Have Birds Without The Bees

    | United Kingdom | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Rude & Risque

    (I am a customer in line at a pharmacy. A mother and her two youngs boys is ahead of me. One of the young boys is sitting on the floor pointing at random medicines.)

    Boy: “Mummy, what’s that for?”

    Mother: “That’s for an itchy head.”

    Boy: “Mummy, what’s that for?”

    Mother: “That’s for when you can’t sleep.”

    (The boy then points at the pregnancy tests.)

    Boy: “Mummy, what’s that for?”

    Mother: “That’s to see if you have a baby growing inside of you!”

    (The boy then stands up and gets back in line with his mother.)

    Mother, to me and the pharmacist: “Thank god he didn’t point at the condoms!”

    Two Pillows On The Couch, Once Daily

    | Richmond, BC, Canada |

    (I need to make a new profile for the customer’s wife on our computer system, so the customer calls his wife.)

    Customer, to wife: “Hello? What’s your card number? It’s for the prescription.”

    (The customer relays the card number to me. I ask for her birthday.)

    Customer, to wife: “When’s your birthday? No, of course I remember. It’s December 7th!”

    (I hear his wife cry out loudly over the phone.)

    Customer, to wife: “What? It’s September 22nd?!”

    (The customer ends the conversation and hangs up the phone.)

    Me: “Are you going to be alright when you go back?”

    Customer, to me: “You should warn me next time you have to ask for her birthday.”

    Identity Theft Is Childs Play

    | Iowa City, IA, USA |

    (I am a customer in line. There is a woman with a 4 year old finishing up their purchase.)

    Me: “Here’s your change.”

    4-Year-Old: “Mommy, can I do the scribbles?”

    Customer: “No, honey. I paid with cash, not my credit card.”

    Looking Down The Barrel Of A Smoking Gum

    | Madison, WI, USA |

    (I hear this conversation in my checkout line.)

    Customer #1: “Oh my God, I love that nicotine gum! It makes my mouth feel all numb.”

    Customer #2: “You know that stuff’s going to get you addicted to cigarettes, right?”

    Customer #1: “Nah! That stuff gets you un-addicted to them and I don’t smoke. I’m fine!”

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