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    Looking Down The Barrel Of A Smoking Gum

    | Madison, WI, USA |

    (I hear this conversation in my checkout line.)

    Customer #1: “Oh my God, I love that nicotine gum! It makes my mouth feel all numb.”

    Customer #2: “You know that stuff’s going to get you addicted to cigarettes, right?”

    Customer #1: “Nah! That stuff gets you un-addicted to them and I don’t smoke. I’m fine!”

    Children Get Sick Periodically

    | New York, New York, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (A woman walks into the store with her young daughter. Her daughter looks feverish and is sniffling.)

    Customer: “Oh look honey, they have candy bars. Go get yourself one while mommy shops for her things.”

    (The little girl walks up to the counter and takes a candy bar.)

    Me: “Are you feeling okay, little girl?”

    Daughter: “My mommy says as long as she gets her tampons, I’ll feel better.”

    (The girl suddenly vomits all over the candy bars and on the counter.)

    Daughter: “QUICK MOMMY! GET YOUR TAMPONS!”

    Ear-Waxing Lyrical About Bad Service

    | London, UK | Health & Body

    Customer: “I’ve come to pick up my prescription.”

    Me: “Oh I’m really sorry, due to extenuating circumstances we don’t have a pharmacist at the moment so legally I can’t give out any prescriptions. But if you wait 5 minutes, a replacement pharmacist will be here and then you can take it.”

    Customer: “But I need it. Give it to me!”

    Me: “I understand your problem but I would be breaking the law if I gave it to you.”

    Customer: “I work in the pharmaceutical industry and I know for a fact you are lying! Give it to me now!”

    (The pharmacist arrives and I explain the problem.)

    Pharmacist: “I’m really sorry for the inconvenience but my colleague was right, there was nothing she could do. But now that I’m here, you can take your prescription.”

    Customer: “You’re colleague is a cruel, moral-less b**** with the intelligence of a moron. She has endangered my life! I shall take this to court and win!” *storms out*

    Me: *to pharmacist* “What was in her prescription?”

    Pharmacist: “Drops for excessive ear wax.”

    Retired & Extremely Dangerous

    | Georgia, USA | Health & Body, Rude & Risque

    Me: “Thank you for call [Pharmacy], may I help you?”

    Elderly Female Customer: “I would like to get these two of my medications refilled and I want to pick them up tomorrow afternoon.”

    Me: “Okay ma’am, that will be fine. Is there anything else I can do for you?”

    Elderly Female Customer: “Honey, you can come to my house and do me anytime.”

    Me: “I, uh, oh, uh…”

    Elderly Female Customer: “I hope I didn’t offend you, but I’m old so I can say things like that!”

    Discount Discounted

    | Sherman Oaks, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Money

    Me: “And do you have a free rewards card with us, ma’am?”

    Customer: “A what? I don’t know. Maybe. I don’t know.”

    Me: “If you think you have one, I can look it up by your phone number?

    Customer: “My what?”

    Me: *louder* “Your phone number, ma’am.”

    Customer: “I don’t have one of those! I don’t think I have one! I don’t have a phone number! I don’t have one!”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, that’s fine. Your total today is $26.74, and just to let you know, you could have saved $5.90 if you had the rewards card.”

    Customer: “A discount? My phone number is ***-****.”

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