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    Two Pillows On The Couch, Once Daily

    | Richmond, BC, Canada |

    (I need to make a new profile for the customer’s wife on our computer system, so the customer calls his wife.)

    Customer, to wife: “Hello? What’s your card number? It’s for the prescription.”

    (The customer relays the card number to me. I ask for her birthday.)

    Customer, to wife: “When’s your birthday? No, of course I remember. It’s December 7th!”

    (I hear his wife cry out loudly over the phone.)

    Customer, to wife: “What? It’s September 22nd?!”

    (The customer ends the conversation and hangs up the phone.)

    Me: “Are you going to be alright when you go back?”

    Customer, to me: “You should warn me next time you have to ask for her birthday.”

    Identity Theft Is Childs Play

    | Iowa City, IA, USA |

    (I am a customer in line. There is a woman with a 4 year old finishing up their purchase.)

    Me: “Here’s your change.”

    4-Year-Old: “Mommy, can I do the scribbles?”

    Customer: “No, honey. I paid with cash, not my credit card.”

    Looking Down The Barrel Of A Smoking Gum

    | Madison, WI, USA |

    (I hear this conversation in my checkout line.)

    Customer #1: “Oh my God, I love that nicotine gum! It makes my mouth feel all numb.”

    Customer #2: “You know that stuff’s going to get you addicted to cigarettes, right?”

    Customer #1: “Nah! That stuff gets you un-addicted to them and I don’t smoke. I’m fine!”

    Children Get Sick Periodically

    | New York, New York, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (A woman walks into the store with her young daughter. Her daughter looks feverish and is sniffling.)

    Customer: “Oh look honey, they have candy bars. Go get yourself one while mommy shops for her things.”

    (The little girl walks up to the counter and takes a candy bar.)

    Me: “Are you feeling okay, little girl?”

    Daughter: “My mommy says as long as she gets her tampons, I’ll feel better.”

    (The girl suddenly vomits all over the candy bars and on the counter.)

    Daughter: “QUICK MOMMY! GET YOUR TAMPONS!”

    Ear-Waxing Lyrical About Bad Service

    | London, UK | Health & Body

    Customer: “I’ve come to pick up my prescription.”

    Me: “Oh I’m really sorry, due to extenuating circumstances we don’t have a pharmacist at the moment so legally I can’t give out any prescriptions. But if you wait 5 minutes, a replacement pharmacist will be here and then you can take it.”

    Customer: “But I need it. Give it to me!”

    Me: “I understand your problem but I would be breaking the law if I gave it to you.”

    Customer: “I work in the pharmaceutical industry and I know for a fact you are lying! Give it to me now!”

    (The pharmacist arrives and I explain the problem.)

    Pharmacist: “I’m really sorry for the inconvenience but my colleague was right, there was nothing she could do. But now that I’m here, you can take your prescription.”

    Customer: “You’re colleague is a cruel, moral-less b**** with the intelligence of a moron. She has endangered my life! I shall take this to court and win!” *storms out*

    Me: *to pharmacist* “What was in her prescription?”

    Pharmacist: “Drops for excessive ear wax.”

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