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    They’re Right Next To The Abacus Tablets

    | North Carolina, USA | Health & Body

    (I’m working behind the counter one morning when an older customer and her son approach.)

    Customer: “I’ve been really itchy lately. I need something for the itch. My son used algebra tablets last time.”

    Me: “Well you could use an allergy tablet, but you can’t if you have high blood pressure.”

    Customer: “I have high blood pressure but this itching is terrible. Can you show me the algebra tablets?”

    Me: “I can’t recommend the allergy tablets, then. It could interact with your medicine.”

    Customer: “I know, but my son had algebra tablets last time and they helped with the itching.”

    Me: “Yes, the allergy tablets would interact though. So I can’t recommend those.”

    Customer: “Which of these algebra tablets would you recommend?”

    Me: *gives up* “The pink box.”

    Run Artificial Stupidity Program

    | Illinois, USA |

    (Our pharmacy phone system is down, so all pharmacy calls are going through the main line, which is answered by me. These calls include people trying to reach the automated prescription line.)

    Me: “Thanks for calling [store], where we offer flu shots every day. This is [name]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “You’re not a machine.”

    Me: “No. If you were trying to reach the automated line, the phones are down. I can connect you to the pharmacist.”

    Customer: “I want the automated system. People are dumb!”

    Not So Modest Aspirations

    | Europe | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque

    (I’m speaking with a three year old girl as I serve her mother.)

    Me: “Do you like the pharmacy? Do you think you will be a pharmacist when you grow up?”

    Girl: “No! I will be a dancer!”

    Me: “Oh, a dancer! That’s nice! Like in a dance group?”

    Girl: “No! On the pole!”

    Cost-Benefit Analysis

    , | Dalton, GA, USA | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque

    (A customer comes in to pick up his Viagra prescription. I’m trying not to be awkward and ring him up as if it’s any other order.)

    Me: “Hi, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “My name is [name]. I need to pick up my prescription.”

    Me: “That will be just a moment.”

    (I get the man’s prescription and proceed to ring him up for it.)

    Me: “Your total today comes out to [price].”

    Customer: “What?!”

    Me: *I repeat the price*

    Customer: *mumbles* “Still cheaper than a hooker, I guess.” *pays and leaves*

    Sleepless Sleep Aids

    | South West England, UK | Extra Stupid

    (A woman comes to the counter.)

    Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I see you’ve got [sleep aid]. Does it come in a non-drowsy version?”

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