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    Recipe For Disaster

    | Vancouver, WA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Top

    (A customer comes up to the pharmacy counter. Keep in mind, Sudafed (pseudoephedrine) is controlled in all 50 states as it is used to make methamphetamine.)

    Customer: “I need some Sudafed.”

    Me: “Did you want Sudafed or [store brand]?”

    Customer: “What’s the difference?”

    Me: “The active ingredient is the same but sometimes they change the inactive ingredients. It still works the same though. Plus, [store brand] is about 5 bucks cheaper.”

    Customer: “The recipe said I need Sudafed.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: *realizing what she said* “Um, s***. Never mind, I got to go.”

    Zombies Need Lawyers Too

    | Miami, FL, USA |

    Me: “Ma’am, unfortunately we are waiting on your prescriber to contact the pharmacy because parts of your prescription were unclear.”

    Customer: “Are you telling me my prescription is not ready?”

    Me: “Yes, it is not ready.”

    Customer: “Well, if I die, I’m suing you!”

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    Zombies Need High Speed Internet Too

    The Purchase Was A Pre-Medicated Decision

    | Joliet, IL, USA |

    (I am closing the pharmacy curtain. A customer comes up to the counter.)

    Customer: “I need to pick up my prescription for my pain medication. I’m in a lot of pain.”

    Me: “Okay. Just for future reference, the pharmacy closes at 9pm.”

    Customer: “I know. I was too busy getting an iPhone to get here while you were open.”

    This Medicine Doesn’t Really Hit The Spot

    | TX, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [pharmacy]. What can I help you with?

    Caller: “I just bought some [acne medication]. I was wondering if you could, uh… use it on herpes?”

    Me: “On herpes? [Acne medication] is a treatment for acne only.”

    Caller: “So can I put it on my junk or not?”

    This Customer Has Trouble Written All Over Him

    | Baldwinsville, NY, USA |

    Customer: “I’d like to buy some syringes.”

    Me: “Can I see some ID?”

    Customer: “They’re not for me, they’re for my dad. He’s a diabetic and needs them for his insulin.”

    Me: “Okay. I still need to see some ID. Do you know his date of birth?”

    Customer: “I’ll never forget his date of birth. I had it tattooed on my arm the day he died.”

    (The customer proceeds to show everyone in the pharmacy the tattoo of his deceased father’s DOB–the same father that he is trying to buy syringes for.)


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