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    I’ll Take An Album Cover For 7000

    | California, USA |

    (I work in the OTC section of a well-known pharmacy chain. I’m stocking the shelves in an aisle when a customer approaches me.)

    Customer: “Excuse me. I’ve looked all over here. Where are your hemorrhoid wipes?”

    Me: “Oh, those are actually down on Aisle 20.”

    Customer: “Really? Why are they over there and not in this aisle with the rest of the anal care?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

    Customer: “Anal care!” *points at the aisle’s sign*

    (The sign she was pointing at? “Analgesics”.)

    Like There’s No Tomorrow

    | Goffstown, NH, USA | Extra Stupid

    (A customer has called to ask if we carry an over the counter soap in our store.)

    Me: “Hello, ma’am? I just checked and we do carry [brand] soap. However, we are all out of stock right now, but we could order some for you and it would come in tomorrow.”

    Customer: “You don’t carry [brand]?”

    Me: “We do carry it. We just don’t have it in right now.”

    Customer: “Well, why not?”

    Me: “Because other customers have purchased it. But we can order some for tomorrow.”

    Customer: “Well, how long will that take?”

    Me: “It’ll come in tomorrow.”

    Customer: “So, how many days will that be?”

    Common Courtesies: Not For Commoners, Part 2

    | Long Island, NY, USA |

    (A little girl and her mother walk in. At first, all is normal. The woman pays for her medications and her daughter’s candy.)

    Girl: “Thank you!”

    Me: “Aw, you’re wel–”

    Mother: “Honey! Don’t thank him. He’s doing his job! I’m very sorry, sir.”

    Me: *bewildered* “You don’t need to ap–”

    Girl: “I’m sorry, sir.”

    Mother: “Very good, hun. Now, let’s go before we waste more of his time.”

    Me: *speechless*

    Related:
    Common Courtesies: Not For Commoners

    One’s Green And The Other Makes You Green

    | New Jersey, USA |

    Customer: “Hi, I’m calling to see if you have cholera pills in stock.”

    Me: “I beg your pardon? Cholera is a contagious disease.”

    Customer: “No, it’s not! I’m looking for cholera pills!”

    Me: “Um, do you mean the natural supplement Chlorella?”

    Customer: “That’s what I said! Cholera! It’s spelled C-H-L-O-R-E-L-L-A. Cholera. I am looking for a large bottle if you have it.”

    Me: *gives up* “Yeah, sure. We happen to have a few bottles of cholera in stock.”

    Customer: “I’ll be there in five minutes!”

    They’re Right Next To The Abacus Tablets

    | North Carolina, USA | Health & Body

    (I’m working behind the counter one morning when an older customer and her son approach.)

    Customer: “I’ve been really itchy lately. I need something for the itch. My son used algebra tablets last time.”

    Me: “Well you could use an allergy tablet, but you can’t if you have high blood pressure.”

    Customer: “I have high blood pressure but this itching is terrible. Can you show me the algebra tablets?”

    Me: “I can’t recommend the allergy tablets, then. It could interact with your medicine.”

    Customer: “I know, but my son had algebra tablets last time and they helped with the itching.”

    Me: “Yes, the allergy tablets would interact though. So I can’t recommend those.”

    Customer: “Which of these algebra tablets would you recommend?”

    Me: *gives up* “The pink box.”

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