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  • Contextual Innuendos

    | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Rude & Risque

    (I’m at work on a Saturday with a clerk and a pharmacist. I notice the clerk speaking with an elderly woman out front but don’t think much of it. A few minutes later, the clerk comes back with a strange expression on her face and tells me I have to go help the woman.)

    Me: “What can I help you with?”

    Customer: “I’m looking for a vibrator.”

    Me: “A…vibrator?”

    Customer: “Yes. I had one, but I used it too much and it wore out.”

    Me: “I don’t think we have anything like that. Where did you buy the first one?”

    Customer: “At another pharmacy, but I want one with a long handle so it can reach better.”

    (At this point I’m biting the inside of my cheek in an effort not to laugh.)

    Me: “What kind of vibrator are you looking for, exactly?”

    Customer: “You know! One of those that rub your feet!”

    Me: “OH! Sorry, we don’t have anything like that.”

    Not Lacking For Laxatives

    | Long Island, NY, USA | Health & Body

    Me: “**** Pharmacy, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I gotta question for you: I drank a whole thing of prune juice like water, and now I’m s***ing my brains out.”

    Me: “Okay, and what did you need to know?”

    Customer: “Is your generic of ducolax the same thing?”

    Me: “Yes. Same thing.”

    Customer: “Okay, good, because I’m gonna need a plug soon or something!”

    Getting Burned Can Be A Pain In The Butt

    | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Health & Body

    (It is a very windy day during summer, and a power line has blown over in the field behind our store.)

    Me: “Hello, [pharmacy] how may I help you?”

    Customer: “I need to see if you have [hemorrhoid cream] in stock.”

    Me: “Alright, let me check…”

    (At this point, I put him on hold to check our stock when a fireman walks in. He tells us they are evacuating all the buildings in the area, and that we have 5 minutes to get out. I go back to pick up the phone so the customer isn’t on hold forever.)

    Me: “Sir, we do have it in stock. However, I can’t help you right now. I’m being told to evacuate the building.”

    Customer: “Does it have aloe vera in it?”

    Me: “I don’t know. As I said, I need to hang up. Please call back tomorrow.”

    Customer: “Can you see if you can order it for me?”

    Me: “Sir, there is a field fire right behind the pharmacy and I really can’t answer your questions right now. I was told by the fire department to evacuate. Please, call back another time.”

    Customer: “Well, fine then. I’ll just get it somewhere else!” *hangs up*

    Time To Start Screening Customers

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Top

    (A customer slams a bottle of sunblock on the counter.)

    Customer: “This is worthless! I can’t believe you sell this!”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, sir.” *examines the empty bottle* “But this is the highest protection factor we have.”

    Customer: “Well, it’s crap! I want a refund!”

    Me: “Sorry, I can’t refund an empty bottle; it’s store policy.”

    Customer: “Well, what do you expect?! I have two large windows!”

    A Game Of Kat And Birdie

    | Georgia, USA | Funny Names

    (I work at a pharmacy and we are very busy, causing a few customers having to wait. The last woman in line finally steps up.)

    Me: “I apologize for your wait. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Does your name tag say your name is Kat?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Did you have some crazy new age parents or something? Why would they name you after an animal? That’s just dumb! You should have a good sturdy name, like mine!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but what can I help you with?”

    Customer: “I need a refill.”

    Me: “Of course. Can I get your date of birth?”

    Customer: *gives me her date of birth* “And the prescription is under Birdie.”

    Me: “Okay, it’s put in and will be ready in 15 minutes.”

    Customer: “Thank you. I’m sorry you have such a foolish name.”

    Pharmacist: “Did that woman just tell you your name was foolish and complain about people with “animal” names?”

    Me: “Yeah.”

    Pharmacist: “But her name was Birdie…”

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