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    A Dose By Any Other Name

    | Belize | Health & Body

    Customer: “Hey, I want some Tylenol.”

    Me: “For children or for adults?”

    Customer: “For adults.”

    Me: “At the moment, we only have the generic kind available. You know, paracetamol, also known as acetaminophen?”

    Customer: “No! I don’t want any acetaminophen! Give me the other one!”

    Me: “Ma’am, they are the same thing, just different names for the same ingredient.”

    Customer: “Well, I just want the first one you named. Just don’t give me the other one.”

    Harvested From The Great Nyquil Tree

    | Ontario, Canada | Health & Body

    Patient: “Hi, my 6-month-old grandson has some congestion in his nose and a fever. I gave him some NyQuil yesterday and that seemed to help. Is there anything you would recommend?”

    Me: “For the congestion, you can use these saline drops, they’re–”

    Patient: “No! I don’t wanna use that medicated stuff.”

    Me: “All right. Well, for the fever you can try this Tylenol. Do you know the wei–”

    Patient: “No! I don’t want to use that! It has acetaminophen in it! That’s not safe for babies.”

    Me: “Actually, acetaminophen is quite safe for infants.”

    Patient: “You’re a pharmacist. You would say that!”

    Me: “Well, the only other option is the Advil.”

    Patient: “That has acetaminophen too!”

    Me: “No, that has ibuprofen. Which is also saf–”

    Patient: “No, it isn’t!”

    Me: “Are you aware that NyQuil has acetaminophen in it?”

    Patient: “You lie! NyQuil has NyQuil in it! Isn’t there anything more natural I can give?!”

    Me: “No.”

    Patient: “You’re useless!” *storms off*

    It’s The Small Victories

    | Montreal, Canada | Bizarre

    (I’ve been working for a quite a while, so my voice is scratchy. Near the end of my shift, an old man comes to the counter.)

    Customer: “Hm. You’re losing your voice there, eh?”

    Me: “Haha. A little bit, I suppose.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s the end of the world for a woman.”

    Me: “Ha ha…” *confused as to where he’s going with this*

    Customer: “HAHAHA, YOU CAN’T YELL AT ME!” *does a victory dance*

    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 5

    | Maryland, USA | Language & Words

    Customer: “Do you have any fecal heart monitors?”

    Me: “Uh…what?”

    Customer: “You know, to hear the baby while it’s still in the womb?”

    Me: “That would be a fetal heart monitor. Right this way…”

    Related:
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 4
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 3
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 2
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation

    A Real Pain In The Rear

    | Germany | Health & Body

    (An elderly gentleman approaches me at the counter.)

    Me: “How may I help you, sir?”

    Customer: “My butt hurts! I need medicine!”

    Me: “All right, do you have a prescription? Or, can you tell me what exactly is wrong so that I can recommend you something that doesn’t need one?”

    Customer: “I don’t know what’s wrong. But my butt hurts!”

    Me: “Please go see a doctor then, sir. Without knowing what causes your pain, there’s little I can do.”

    Customer: “But I don’t want to wait at the doctor’s together with all the sick people! I’ll catch a disease or something!”

    Me: “That’s understandable. Maybe you could go early in the morning when fewer people are there?”

    Customer: “No! I don’t want to! I want you to tell me what’s wrong! Look at my butt!”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, but we don’t do that–”

    (The man doesn’t listen. In front of me and three other customers, he drops his pants and underwear, turns around and sticks out his butt in my direction.)

    Me: “Sir, please pull up your pants again! I can’t tell what’s wrong and you will have to leave if you don’t stop that!”

    Customer: “Nonsense! If you can’t tell what’s wrong from over there, come closer and get a better look!”

    (My boss then comes to look at what’s going on and ends up kicking the guy out.)

    Customer: *on the way out the door* “Why will no one look at my butt?!”

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