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    A Warm And Full(filling) Night In

    | Boston, MA, USA | Health & Body

    (A man in his mid-30′s approaches the register. I notice that he looks a little grumpy about something.)

    Me: “Hello!”

    Customer: “Hi.”

    (It is at this point that I notice that he only has two items to ring up: a 20oz bottle of soda and an enema.)

    Me: “How are you today?”

    Customer: “I’m holding an enema, what do you think?!”

    Me: *speechless*

    (I ring him up silently. Poor guy, I hope he feels better!)

    D Is For Definitely Shiny

    | Wyckoff, NJ, USA |

    (A customer walks to my register with a Halloween decoration in tow. It’s a cheap cardboard statue of a cartoon-looking black cat covered in a shiny plastic material.)

    Customer: “So, why is this 3D?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    (I peer at the tag. It says “3D Cat”.)

    Me: “Oh, that’s because it’s 3D.”

    Customer: “No, I mean why is it ‘D’? Is it because it’s shiny?”

    (A multitude of thoughts are racing through my head at this point. I debate the prospect of explaining to her what 3D actually means. In the end, I decide it’s easier to just agree with her.)

    Me: “Exactly! It’s really sparkly and that’s why it’s called a 3D cat. Would you like to purchase it?”

    Customer: “Oh, definitely!”

    What’s Your Poison

    | New Zealand | Health & Body

    (I’m a pharmacist in a rural area. A shop assistant calls me out from the dispensary to talk to a customer, who is a slightly intoxicated middle aged woman.)

    Customer: “This medicine made my partner sick! Violently sick!”

    Me: “Let me see. Has he had any alcohol?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Are you sure? Not even a little?”

    Customer: “He doesn’t drink. Maybe only a little, but he wasn’t drunk.”

    Me: “It clearly says on the label that you must not drink any alcohol while being treated with this medicine.”

    Customer: “But he didn’t drink much at all. A beer shouldn’t matter, should it?”

    Me: “It contains enough alcohol to–”

    Customer: “But, like, you can even drive if you only drink a beer!”

    Me: “That has nothing to do with–”

    Customer: “I think he’d better not take this medicine. It made him violently sick!”

    Me: “I think he should–”

    Customer: “Thanks, I’ll tell him what you said. This medicine is a poison!” *turns around and walks out*

    Have You Tried Dihydrogen Monoxide, Part 3

    | Lansing, MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I am standing in line at the pharmacy counter and a man rudely cuts in front of me, stating that he has been waiting in line, just in another part of the store. He assures me he’ll be quick, but I don’t buy his excuse. The following exchange occurs between him and the pharmacist.)

    Customer: “I need to speak to a pharmacist immediately.”

    Pharmacist: “Do you have a question about your medication?”

    Customer: “Yes, it says on the bottle to take with water. I don’t drink water. Water makes you fat.”

    Pharmacist: “Um, water is essential for your body, especially with those pills.”

    Customer: “What about water retention? Will I just pee it out, then?”

    Pharmacist: “Yeah, your body will eventually eliminate it. You should drink water, though. Your body needs plenty of water to work well, and you really don’t want to be dehydrated while on this drug.”

    Customer: “Okay, I’ll try it. Oh, and one more question. What about alcohol? Can I still have my alcohol?”

    Related:
    Have You Tried Dihydrogen Monoxide, Part 2
    Have You Tried Dihydrogen Monoxide

    Take Two Werewolves And Call Me In The Morning

    | New Zealand | Extra Stupid

    (I have just given a customer his prescription and am explaining to him the directions.)

    Me: “So, just take two of these with water at night.”

    Customer: “Okay, thanks. Wait, I work at night…should I take these in the day time?”

    Me: “Yes, just take them before bed.”

    Customer: “Okay, so they aren’t activated by the moon or anything?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: *slight disbelief* “Hmm, okay…” *turns around and leaves*


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