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    No Pain, No Vain

    | Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Health & Body

    (A customer comes in to return a home leg waxing kit.)

    Me: “Can I ask why you are unsatisfied with this product?”

    Customer: “It hurts!”

    Me: “Yes, because waxing involves ripping the hair out by the roots.”

    Customer: “Well, it shouldn’t hurt!”

    You Better Belize It

    | Belize | Criminal/Illegal

    (I live in Belize. A lot of tourists think they can get away with anything in my country. One day, a foreigner walks into the store.)

    Customer: “Can I get some Diazepam?”

    Me: “Do you have a prescription?”

    Customer: *tries to look bewildered* “Do I need one?”

    Me: “Yes, especially since it’s a controlled substance.”

    Customer: “It is?” *scoffs* “Well I didn’t know that. Some Xanax, then.”

    Me: “That is a controlled substance too. Valium, Xanax, alprazolam, lorazepam, diazepam…they’re all controlled.”

    Customer: “Well, then!” *hurriedly walks out of the store*

    Why You Always Bring Your Own Dinnerware

    | Graham, NC, USA | Rude & Risque

    (An elderly lady approaches the counter.)

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I need some dish bags.”

    (Unaware of what dish bags are, I assume she means dish rags.)

    Me: “I’m not sure what that is and if we carry it. I would look in the cleaning section.”

    Customer: “Well, my doctor said I could get it here.”

    Me: “Okay, well I would check that aisle.”

    (The customer leaves and returns after a couple minutes.)

    Customer: “I didn’t find them!”

    Me: “Can you tell me again what it is you need?”

    Customer: “Dish bags.”

    Me: “And you say your doctor told you to get them here?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Me: “Well, I’m sorry. I’ve never heard of dish bags and I don’t believe I’ve seen anything like that here.”

    Customer: “Well, this is ridiculous! What am I going to do?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, would you like me to ask our pharmacist about them?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    (I go get the pharmacist to assist me.)

    Pharmacist: “So, what is a dish bag used for?”

    Customer: “Jeeze! You clean your lady parts with it!”

    Perhaps There’s Insufficient Blood To Your Brain

    | Windsor, Ontario, Canada | Extra Stupid, Health & Body

    (We have a free self-use blood pressure machine in our pharmacy.)

    Customer: “When are you going to fix your blood pressure machine?”

    Pharmacist: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Your blood pressure machine is broken. Every time I come in here, it doesn’t work! You should really take care of it. Lots of old people need to check their blood pressure, you know!”

    Me: “Are you sure? I just filled the paper roll the other day. It was working fine.”

    Customer: “No, it’s not! I’ve been trying to use it for days. It’s not working. You should really take care of it!”

    (I take a look at the machine and try to troubleshoot the problem. I sit in the seat, roll up my sleeve, put it in the cuff, and push the big green “Start” button. The cuff inflates normally.)

    Customer: “You mean you’re suppose to push that button?!”

    Weekend Roundup: Don’t Mess With Employees

    , , , | Not Always Right Archives | Roundups

    Introducing Weekend Roundups: each week, we’ll be featuring some of our favorite stories from the Not Always Right archives.

    Don’t Mess With Employees! This week, we feature five stories that teach misbehaving customers the consequences of messing with employees.

    1. In Real Hot Sauce Now:
      A young teenage employee decides her dignity is worth more than £3.71 and dealing with a cowardly manager.
    2. A Good Ol’ Fashioned A** Whoopin’:
      A customer tries to rough up an employee, but ends up getting roughed up by the manager instead.
    3. Hard Drugs And Harder Pharmacists:
      Teenage robber, meet Doug. Doug is our new pharmacy tech. Doug is also built like a fridge.
    4. Who’s Got The Power Now:
      Tech support is happy to support your technology. Supporting your potty mouth, not so much.
    5. Your Prank Got Spanked:
      A prank caller picks the wrong, well-armed store to call.
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