(The cashier calls me up to the register to check a price for a product that’s ringing up as more than the shelf tag indicated. I run to check, and report back.)

Me: “Yes, sir. I’m sorry, it appears the sale sign was still up. But our system no longer recognizes the sale price. We’ll change the price for you.”

Customer: “Have you ever had a bag placed over your head?”

Me: “Um…no.”

Customer: “Well, you’re fixing the price for me. So today’s not that day.”

Me: “Thank you for calling [pet store]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, do you guys carry [product]?”

Me: “No, but it’s really easy to find on the internet.”

Caller: “Oh. Do you have their number?”

Me: “A phone number for the internet?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “Just turn your computer on, and go online.”

Caller: “So, you don’t have their number?”

Me: “No, ma’am. Just go online.”

Caller: “Oh. Well, can I get a discount?”

Me: “You want a discount from us for a product we don’t carry?”

Caller: “Yes.”

(We run a camp for dogs to play. We often let the owners know of bad dog behavior.)

Customer: “How did our dog do today?”

Me: “Well, sir, he did a lot of humping today.”

Customer: “Just like his dad.”

Customer’s wife: “Oh my God.”

Related:
The Dog Isn’t The One That Needs To Get Neutered

(I am checking out an elderly customer.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am. You’re all set to go. Have a wonderful day!”

Customer: “You too. And keep Jesus close to you. He’s coming back, you know! Coming back to get all of us!”

Customer: “Okay. I want a healthy dog food with no corn, wheat, or soy.”

Me: “Well, we have this [product] here. It’s free of all fillers. It’s local, and has glucosamine, condriton, and msm.”

Customer: “Oh, my! No! Forget It! I don’t trust anything I can’t pronounce!”