Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Talking At-At Cross Purposes
    (1,349 thumbs up)
  • September Theme Of The Month: Return Of The Geeks!
    Submit your story today!

    There Can Be Only One (Pet At A Time)

    | FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

    (I’m shopping for pet supplies at my local store when I overhear a conversation.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, miss?”

    Employee: “Yes, ma’am? How can I help you?”

    Customer: “My son’s gerbil just died. It was only two years old. He’s been completely miserable ever since.”

    Employee: “Oh… I’m sorry about that. Did you want to look for a new pet? Our small animal section is right over here. We have hamsters, gerbils, guinea pigs—”

    Customer: “Yes. But I don’t see much point in getting an animal that’s just going to die in two years. Don’t you have any animals that don’t die?”

    Employee: “…excuse me?”

    Customer: Animals… that… don’t… die. Do you have any?”

    (The employee gives her a blank look.)

    Customer: “Do you have them or not?!”

    Employee: “Um, I’m afraid all animals die eventually, ma’am. There’s nothing we can do about that.”

    Customer: “Fine! I’ll just go to [rival store], because you people have nothing but inferior products here!”

    (The customer storms out of the store, leaving the bewildered associate standing there by herself. She makes eye contact with me from across the aisle, and we both start cracking up.)

    Sell To A Betta Person

    | Columbus, OH, USA | Pets & Animals

    Customer: “I want betta fish. What size tank for those?”

    Me: “I recommend at least a gallon, but if you can afford a five gallon one, that would be great!”

    (The customer picks up one that holds only a pint of water.)

    Customer: “How about this one?”

    Me: “I really don’t recommend keeping your betta in a tank that small. Those are meant for temporary holding only. It’s not suited as a permanent home.”

    Customer: “Why the h*** not? It says it’s for betta fish!”

    Me: “Yes but that tank does not offer the amount of room necessary for a betta. It might be able to survive for a time, but it’s the equivalent of shoving a large dog in a closet and keeping it there for two years.”

    Customer: “You don’t know what you’re talking about! Fish don’t think. They can’t feel pain. They’re nothing.”

    Me: “As a matter of fact, they do. Their perception of pain is even more sensitive than humans.”

    Customer: “Why should I care?”

    Me: “If you don’t care, why do you want one if the first place?”

    Customer: “To look nice! I want a pretty fish for people to look at when they visit my home!”

    (I realize this customer isn’t going to provide a decent home for the fish, and refuse her the sale. The store owner agrees with me, and the customer storms out fishless.)

    How To Train Your Customer

    | Nanuet, NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (A shipment of bearded dragons has just arrived at the store, and I’m placing them into the designated habitat when a customer walks up.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, what are those?”

    Me: “They’re baby bearded dragons.”

    Customer: “Are those considered lizards or dragons?”

    Me: “Uhh… they’re lizards, sir.”

    Customer: “Oh. Okay.” *walks off disappointed*

    A-Meow-Rica

    | Noblesville, IN, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (I am a customer at a pet store purchasing a dog harness. It is actually for my cat, who is too big for a cat harness.)

    Cashier: “What a cute harness! What kind of dog do you have?”

    Me: “It’s for my cat. She’s a Maine Coon.”

    (The customer behind me overhears.)

    Customer: “You can’t buy that! It’s for a dog!”

    Me: “I know, but it will fit my cat.”

    Customer: “That harness is for dogs only! D-O-G-S!”

    Me: “But the cat harnesses are too small. My cat has to wear a dog harness.”

    Customer: “Are you a foreigner or something? Real Americans like dogs!”

    Me: “I am American and I like dogs, but I like cats, too.”

    Customer: “Un-American!” *storms off*

    Dead Parrot Sketch

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (I work in a pet store. We offer a variety of animals, including birds.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, could I ask you a question?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    Customer: “Do you have any red birds for sale?”

    Me: “I’m afraid that all of the birds we have right now are green and blue, no red ones. I’m sorry.”

    Customer: “Well, can’t you just make one red for me, then?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, that’s not something we can do.”

    Customer: “And why not, exactly? I think you’re just being lazy, and I have more than half a mind to call your manager!”

    Me: “You could do that, but he can’t make the birds red either, sorry.”

    (The customer storms off in a huff. She comes back later asking if it is safe to dip a bird in paint.)

    Page 6/26First...45678...Last