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    Purr-haps She Is A Dog Person

    | Flint, MI, USA | Pets & Animals

    (The store works with an animal rescue agency that comes in on a regular basis for adoption events. A customer is talking to the agency, holding a cat. She grabs me as I walk by.)

    Customer: “Excuse me. I have a question, and I know these nice ladies are really pushing for these cats to be adopted, so I’m afraid they won’t be honest.”

    Me: “Oh, sure. What can I help you with?”

    Customer: “This cat… it’s vibrating. Is that supposed to happen?”

    Me: “Yeah, it’s purring. That means it’s happy.”

    Not So Smart-Phone Number

    | TX, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Pets & Animals

    (Our store sells rats and mice for feeders. All customers who purchase them have to fill out a short sheet with their name, address, and phone number for our records. Our store reward cards can be found by entering a phone number.)

    Me: “Alright, two male mice and [other item]. If you could please fill this out while I ring you up that would be great.”

    (The customer stares blankly at the piece of paper.)

    Me: *pushes paper closer* “We’ll just need this filled out for the mice for our files.”

    Customer: “What is this?”

    Me: “It’s a form that has to be filled out for all animals we sell; it is company policy.”

    (The customer starts to get huffy.)

    Customer: “I have lived in this area for nine years, and have never had to fill one of these out before!”

    (She starts to fill it out, grumpily, sighing every few seconds, and complains the entire time, saying the policy is stupid and she doesn’t understand. When she reaches the portion where it asks for a phone number should we need to call the customer about the animal, she explodes.)

    Customer: “There is NO F****** WAY I am giving you guys my phone number. This is freaking ridiculous; let me talk to a manager. I have lived here NINE YEARS and have never had to fill this out. This is a retarded policy, and I am not giving you guys my phone number to have on file!”

    (I call a manager up and keep trying to diffuse the situation.)

    Me: “That’s fine, ma’am. You can rightly refuse for the phone number. While we wait for my manager, do you have a rewards card?”

    (The customer looks up at me and prattles off her phone number. I resist face-palming at her.)

    Related:
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 10
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 9
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 8
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 7
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 6
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 5
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 4

    The Yeast Of Your Worries

    | MD, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (I work at a pet store/grooming salon establishment. One of the grooming dogs comes in with a suspected yeast infection. We inform the customer of the possibility, and they say they will take care of it. A week later, I’m opening the store and the customer comes back in.)

    Customer: “I demand to speak to the groomer!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but she’s not here right now. She doesn’t have any groom appointments for today. Was there anything I could help you with?”

    Customer: “Yeah, you can explain to me why the h*** your groomer said my dog had a yeast infection, when nothing I’ve been doing to treat it has been working! I demand reimbursement for the cost of the treatment!”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that ma’am, but I’m afraid we can’t reimburse you for veterinary treatment you’ve sought because of a medical condition that existed in your dog prior to the grooming appointment.”

    Customer: “Veterinary treatment? I didn’t go to the vet!”

    Me: “You haven’t? What treatment have you been using that needs reimbursing?”

    Customer: “I’ve bought $40 worth of bread in the past week!”

    Me: “…bread?”

    Customer: “Yeah! The groomer said it was a f****** yeast infection, so I’ve been giving him lots of bread to fix it!”

    Me: “I’m… not sure I follow ma’am.”

    Customer: “What, am I not giving him enough bread? Does he need bread with more yeast in it?”

    Me: “Oh… OH! Uhm, having a yeast infection doesn’t mean he needs to eat things with yeast IN it.”

    Customer: “So… he doesn’t need bread?”

    Me: “…no.”

    (I instruct the customer to add pro-biotic yogurt to her dog’s food and take him to the vet as soon as she could. The customer leaves rather embarrassed. We get a call later on that her dog recovers soon after that, and now she’s a regular customer for yogurt dental bones!)

    There Can Be Only One (Pet At A Time)

    | FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

    (I’m shopping for pet supplies at my local store when I overhear a conversation.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, miss?”

    Employee: “Yes, ma’am? How can I help you?”

    Customer: “My son’s gerbil just died. It was only two years old. He’s been completely miserable ever since.”

    Employee: “Oh… I’m sorry about that. Did you want to look for a new pet? Our small animal section is right over here. We have hamsters, gerbils, guinea pigs—”

    Customer: “Yes. But I don’t see much point in getting an animal that’s just going to die in two years. Don’t you have any animals that don’t die?”

    Employee: “…excuse me?”

    Customer: Animals… that… don’t… die. Do you have any?”

    (The employee gives her a blank look.)

    Customer: “Do you have them or not?!”

    Employee: “Um, I’m afraid all animals die eventually, ma’am. There’s nothing we can do about that.”

    Customer: “Fine! I’ll just go to [rival store], because you people have nothing but inferior products here!”

    (The customer storms out of the store, leaving the bewildered associate standing there by herself. She makes eye contact with me from across the aisle, and we both start cracking up.)

    Sell To A Betta Person

    | Columbus, OH, USA | Pets & Animals

    Customer: “I want betta fish. What size tank for those?”

    Me: “I recommend at least a gallon, but if you can afford a five gallon one, that would be great!”

    (The customer picks up one that holds only a pint of water.)

    Customer: “How about this one?”

    Me: “I really don’t recommend keeping your betta in a tank that small. Those are meant for temporary holding only. It’s not suited as a permanent home.”

    Customer: “Why the h*** not? It says it’s for betta fish!”

    Me: “Yes but that tank does not offer the amount of room necessary for a betta. It might be able to survive for a time, but it’s the equivalent of shoving a large dog in a closet and keeping it there for two years.”

    Customer: “You don’t know what you’re talking about! Fish don’t think. They can’t feel pain. They’re nothing.”

    Me: “As a matter of fact, they do. Their perception of pain is even more sensitive than humans.”

    Customer: “Why should I care?”

    Me: “If you don’t care, why do you want one if the first place?”

    Customer: “To look nice! I want a pretty fish for people to look at when they visit my home!”

    (I realize this customer isn’t going to provide a decent home for the fish, and refuse her the sale. The store owner agrees with me, and the customer storms out fishless.)

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