October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

H2-Slow, Part 6

| USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

(A lady comes in looking for a fish.)

Me: “How may I help you, ma’am?”

Lady: “Well, I want to get a fish for my daughters birthday.”

Me: “Any type of fish in mind?”

Lady: *points to the betta fish* “This one is very pretty, so this one.”

Me: “Okay. Do you have a tank for it?” *points to tank*

Lady: “I don’t need a tank; I can just put him in a cup.”

Me: “Um, ma’am. You cannot just put a fish in a cup. It needs to be in a tank.”

Lady: “That’s silly; all it needs is water and a cup!”

Me: “How about food? It needs more room than just a cup. Also, it needs a filter.”

Lady: “Wait, doesn’t it eat the water?”

(I told her all the stuff she needed for the fish. Instead she got a hamster because it was much easier to take care of. I made sure to give her guidebooks and told her to call us whenever she needed help with something.)

H2Slow, Part 5
H2Slow, Part 4
H2Slow, Part 3

Anything But Basic

| IL, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I have just finished ringing Customer #1, and wished her a good evening. I turn to Customer #2:)

Customer #2: “Hello, I need someone to get me something from back in the store.”

Me: “Sure, I’ll be happy to help! What can we get you?”

Customer #2: “I need two bags of [Brand], chicken and pea for cats. It has a green stripe on the top.”

Me: “All right, are you sure about the formula? I don’t think [Brand] comes in chicken, it’s usually turkey.”

Customer #2: “Yes, I get it here all the time. It’s chicken.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll be right back.”

(Upon reaching the aisle with our [Brand] formulas, I find they are all either turkey & potato, or salmon & potato. Rather than automatically assume that this is the bag, since changing proteins can be rather serious for cats, I decide to go back up and confirm what she wanted.)

Me: “Ma’am, it’s as I thought… there is no [Sub-Brand] chicken and pea. It’s only turkey and salmon protein formulas.”

Customer #2: “No, I didn’t say [Sub-Brand], did I? I said [Brand]. I get it here all the time. It’s very expensive. You obviously didn’t look in the right spot or don’t know what you’re talking about. I suppose I’m going to have to go all the way back there myself to educate you on where it is, and I’m not very happy about it.”

(While she’s on her rambling fit, I page my manager to the front to assist the customer for two reasons: one, it is obvious she is going to be an issue and two, I have to ring the customers present in my line. The whole time she continues to ramble on until Customer #1, who has not yet left, interjects:)

Customer #1: “Ma’am, if you’d stop complaining for two seconds, you’d understand that he did what he could to find your food.”

Customer #2: “Then he needs to get someone–”

Customer #1: “If you were paying attention you’d hear that he already did page an associate up to assist you. Maybe if you’d shut up you’d notice that instead of moaning. I don’t work here, but you’ve gotta be polite when talking to people.”

(Around this time, my manager has arrived at the front. After the long transaction, my manager comes back up to me.)

Manager: “So… that lady has issues. I tell her we’ll find whatever it is she’s looking for if she’d just describe the bag to me. When she tells me it’s ‘[Brand]’ I automatically think of [Sub-Brand], and she yelled that it wasn’t. She then said that it was this bag of [Different Brand], which I can’t even see anyplace on the bag it says the word ‘basics.’”

Me: “Yeah, I tried to explain that, too…”

Manager: “Then she says she’s legally blind and that that would explain that… Fine. She has me check the bags over for holes, and they look good. Then, as I’m ringing her up, her savers card can’t be found, and she complains about that and how we never get it right and that she’s going to shop at the other store from now on. Then I ask her which car is hers and where she wants them in the car… She tells me ‘the red one.’ I then ask again where she wants them and she said ‘the. Red. Car!’ So I say, ‘The. Trunk? Or. The. Front. Seat?’ So, she has me toss them in the front seat…”

(Moments later…)

Manager: “So… wait… she told me she’s legally blind. What the h*** is she doing driving?!

Freely Bathing In Stupidity

| Hiram, GA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money, Pets & Animals

(The pet store I work at sells coupon books for $20 that are meant for people who are planning to buy puppies or have just bought them. They greatly help with a lot of the up-front cost and include a sign-up for the customer to continue receiving coupons through their email. A customer comes up with a grooming slip to pay for her dog’s grooming. She is holding a puppy kit and reading it over.)

Me: “Hey, how are you today? Find everything okay?”

Customer: “Yeah. Hey, am I allowed to take this book thing home with me and decide later if I want to come back and buy it?”

Me: “Um, no, ma’am. You have to purchase merchandise before you are allowed to leave the store with it.”

Customer:” Oh… Well, I guess I don’t want it then. Maybe I’ll get it some other time.”

(She puts the puppy kit back with the ones at the register and places the grooming slip and a coupon on the counter. I notice the coupon is for $5 off the grooming. In the puppy kit, there is a coupon for a free puppy bath which is what is listed on the grooming slip. To try and save her some money, I decide to explain that to her.)

Customer: “Hmm… sounds good. I’ll take it.”

Me: “So you do want to get a puppy kit?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: *confused look* “Then what are you wanting to get, ma’am?”

Customer: “Just the free bath.”

Me: “Ma’am, the coupon for the free bath is in the puppy kit.”

Customer: “So, I’ll take the coupon. But I don’t think I want the kit today.”

Me: “Ma’am, unless you purchase the book I can’t just give you a free bath. It’s a coupon included in the puppy kit and you can’t use the coupons without buying it first.”

Customer: “Oh… Well, I don’t want the kit thing tonight.”

Me: “Okay. I’ll just run it through with the $5 coupon, then.”

Customer: “Yeah, that would be good. Since I can’t get the bath for free without the book, I’ll at least save something that way…”

Reached Rock-Bottom Dollar

| NC, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Theme Of The Month

(I’m finishing up a transaction with a customer when she hands me two coupons. I scan the $5 off coupon first, and then the 10% off coupon.)

Me:“Your total comes to [total].”


Me: *taken aback* “I’m sorry, what?”

Customer #1: “You scanned the $5 one first, which then lowered the price so the 10 % off comes out to less!”

Me:“Oh, I’m sorry it looks that way. It’s actually just the way our system works. The $5 coupon is seen as a coupon, and not a form of tender. You haven’t actually paid $5, so if I had scanned the 10% one first, once I scanned the $5 one, it would have lowered your discount to the same.”

Customer #1: “No, it wouldn’t have. You’re just making that up. You did that on purpose!”

Me: “Ma’am, I promise you it would have. That’s actually why I did the $5 one first, because I’ve seen it happen, and customers get upset when they see the discount get smaller.”

Customer #1: “Look, I know it’s only $1, but what you’re saying makes no sense. You have no idea what you’re talking about!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’ve been here three years. I can promise you that is what would have happened, However, if you would like, I can call the manager up here to void the transaction and I will do it your way so you can see.”

Customer #1: “No, I don’t have time for that! It’s only $1, but you cheated me. I don’t have time for this!”

(This goes on for a full three minutes of her yelling at me for cheating her out of $1 and me offering to have the transaction voided and her insisting that she doesn’t have time. Finally, a customer at the tag engraving machine decides that he’s had enough.)

Customer #2: “Lady! You keep insisting that it is no big deal and that you don’t have time, but you’ve wasted her time and mine by arguing even though she has offered numerous times to do it your way. I will give you the d*** dollar if it means you will shut the h*** up and just leave!”

Customer #1: *grunts, glares at me and him, RIPS her bags out of my hands, and storms off*

Customer #2: *sighs* “You couldn’t pay me enough to work even one shift for you.”

Out Back Fishing

| Nanuet, NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

(I’m the manager on duty. At the time I’m back in the aquatics department feeding the fish when a customer approaches.)

Me: “Hello. Can I help you with anything, Ma’am?”

Customer: *points to one of the tanks* “Do you have any more of these in the back?”

Me: *I assume she’s gesturing to the fake plants, which we sell* “Possibly, but we also have them out on the floor. I can show you the aisle.”

(I take her over to the decor aisle.)

Customer: “No, not those!” *walks back over to the tank, jabbing her finger at the glass*  “Those!”

Me: “The… fish?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “I’m… sorry. But, ah… no. These tanks are the only place we keep the fish. I don’t put them in the stockroom.”

Customer: *huffs and walks away*

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