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  • Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 7
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    Drowning Hamster Requires Mouse To Mouse

    | LA, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    (The small rodents are stored in aquariums with screen tops. A customer comes in and looks over the hamster tank.)

    Me: “Is there anything I can help you with today, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Yeah, what kinda fish dis be here?”

    Me: “Ma’am, that’s not a fish. That is a hamster.”

    Customer: “What kinda fish is a hamster? Is it one of the ocean things?”

    Me: “Ma’am, hamsters are rodents. They are not any species of fish.”

    Customer: “Where’s its water?”

    Me: “In the bottle hanging on the side, right there.”

    Customer: “You mean dat poor thing can’t even get in the water? What kind of place be keepin’ fish dat ain’t even in water? I ain’t spendin’ my money here. That’s cruelty. Shame on you!”

    (The customer storms out of the store indignantly. I’m still confused.)

    Past The Point Of No Return, Part 4

    | West Seattle, WA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Wild & Unruly

    (I work at a pet store as a dog trainer and cashier. My brother drops me off to work, and since he has a cat, he decides to come inside to buy a few things. I clock in and start to ring up a customer’s product.)

    Customer: “Oh, this is a return.”

    Me: “Ah, okay. Do you have your receipt with you?”

    Customer: “No, but I want my money back.”

    Me: “Okay, well [Store] policy says that if you don’t have a receipt, the only thing that I can do is give you store credit. I—”

    Customer: “That is just bull-s***! The other stores in [location] always give me my money back! You are going to give me my money back!”

    Me: “Sir, we don’t have a store in that location. I know what store you are talking about, but they aren’t connected to us.”

    Customer: “I don’t care! You are going to give me my money back! YOU are going to right now!”

    (My brother decides to come to my help.)

    My Brother: “HEY! You do NOT talk to her, or anyone, like that!”

    Customer: “She won’t give me my money back; I want my money back!”

    My Brother: “I get that it’s an inconvenience for you, but she explained the policy to you. You did not have to swear at her like that. You should be ashamed of yourself! There are kids here! That is completely disrespectful!”

    Customer: “You’re right; I’m sorry.”

    My Brother: “Don’t apologize to me; apologize to HER!”

    (My brother then proceeds to point at me. At this point I know just to keep my mouth shut, and let my brother talk. This isn’t the first time he’s saved me from bullying; it has just been years since he had to. The customer does a double take at me, and with much hesitance speaks.)

    Customer: “I’m sorry.”

    (My manager comes up and saves me from the situation.)

    Manager: “Why don’t you finish up with the family I was working with?”

    (I nod. My brother then goes back to finishing his purchase and leaves while I finish up with the family. I start to walk away when I hear the customer again, talking to my manager.)

    Customer: “I want you to know that I am NEVER coming here again! This is NOT how you treat customers! We are always right!”

    Manager: “Well, sir, she did try to explain the policy to you, and you did interrupt her. Had you let her finish, she’d have told you that only a manager would take care of what you wanted.”

    Customer: “She didn’t explain anything to me! I am going to write a horrendous report and shut you guys down!”

    Manager: “Well, that’s alright sir; I hope you have a nice day and good luck with another store.”

    (He then storms out. The rest of the day I worry that I might have got the store in trouble. The next day someone who witnessed the whole thing sent a report to corporate and explained, in detail, everything that happened and that I, nor the store, did anything wrong. To this day I have no clue who it was that sent in that report, but they might’ve saved my job, and definitely made my day. Faith in humanity restored!)

    Related:
    Past The Point Of No Return, Part 3
    Past The Point Of No Return, Part 2
    Past The Point Of No Return

    Bird Brained, Part 9

    | Norway | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (I work in a pet store, and only one staff member is male. We also have a chatty amazon parrot.)

    Customer: “Excuse me?”

    Me: “How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Does the parrot say anything?”

    Me: “Yes! He can say many things! Greetings and lots of random nonsense!”

    (I wave at the parrot and he responds by saying ‘buh bye,’ and basically setting him off on a chatting rampage.)

    Customer: “I thought you said it was a he?”

    (I stare at the customer, somewhat confused.)

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Well… that’s clearly a woman’s voice!”

    (I just stand there for a moment before explaining the principal behind parrots speaking. Needless to say, the customer was sort of embarrassed as he left.)

    Related:
    Bird Brained, Part 8
    Bird Brained, Part 7
    Early Bird Brained
    Bird Brained, Part 6
    Bird Brained, Part 5
    Bird Brained, Part 4
    Bird Brained, Part 3
    Bird Brained, Part 2
    Bird Brained

    Call A Doctor If He Starts Chirping

    | Clay, NY, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

    (We have a variety of animals, such as reptiles. Some reptiles require crickets as a main staple of their diet. Most people buy more than they need, and keep them in containers with special foods and drinks to feed the crickets to keep them alive. I receive a phone call.)

    Me: “[Pet Store], can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yeah I have a question about the [Brand] cricket food. Do you know which one I’m talking about?”

    Me: “Yes I do.”

    Caller: “Well my 17-year-old son ate some, and I was wondering if it was safe for human consumption?”

    Me: “C-come again?”

    Caller: “My 17-year-old son ate some, and I was wondering if it was safe for human consumption?”

    Me: “To be honest, I’m not entirely sure. Let me look at the ingredients real quick.”

    (I go to read the label on the jar, and there are no indications on the label that it would be harmful to people.)

    Me: “Well, I read the ingredients and I don’t really see anything on here that would make him sick.”

    Caller: “Is this something we should call the doctor about?”

    Me: “I honestly don’t know, but I would definitely keep an eye on him and see if he seems fine.”

    Caller: “Well, he’s fine, but he’s got diarrhea.”

    Me: “That’s probably why.”

    Caller: “Oh.”

    Me: “I don’t know what else to tell you other to keep an eye on him; I’ve never been asked about that before.”

    Caller: “Okay, well we’ll let you know. Thank you for the help.”

    (I texted my coworker and boss later. Apparently in their years of experience, that was a first for them, too.)

    Thank You For Shopping At ApocalypseMart: The Comic

    | JENSEN BEACH, FL, USA | Comics, Religion, Rude & Risque, Wild & Unruly

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