November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

How To Neuter A Prank Call

| NY, USA | Bad Behavior, Pets & Animals

(The phone ring.)

Me: “Hello, You’re through to—”

Caller: “—ah, yes. Do you neuter men?”

(There is giggling in the background, and it is clearly a prank call.)

Me: “Yes, we do. In fact, I am with a patient right now.”

(One of the parrots chooses that moment to scream.)

Me: “Sam, if you held still this wouldn’t hurt so much! Sorry, we ran out of anesthetic and he just won’t hold still… Hello?”

Carried Away With The Carrier

| USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

(I work at a pet store where a donation bin is located at the entrance/exit. People can drop off pet food and toys into these bins to be picked up by an organization that distributes them among local shelters; all this is clearly written on the bin. I am working the register when a customer who just spent around $150 dollars on cat supplies mere seconds ago returns and inquires about the bin.)

Customer: “Is that bin for donations?”

Me: “It is.”

Customer: “So could just take a few things? The kind of food my cat eats is there and I really like one of the carriers.”

Me: “No, sorry, everything there is going to a shelter.”

Customer: “Oh… well, I mean, if you’re giving it all away anyway, why can’t I just take a few things?”

Me: “Because everything in that bin is for local shelters. We can’t give it to anyone else.”

Customer: “Can’t you make an exception? I really like that carrier.”

Me: “Sorry, I can’t let anyone but the [Collection Agency] take anything from that bin.”

Customer: *annoyed and raising her voice a bit* “What difference does it make if I take a few things? Either way it’s going to an animal! You just want me to have to spend more money here!”

Me: *speaking calmly despite my annoyance* “I’m sorry, but those items are not mine to give. People drop them off to go to shelters, so until [Collection Agency] picks them up they must remain in the bin.”

Customer: “What’s a shelter gonna need with a fancy carrier like that, anyway?!”

Me: “Shelters often have to transport their animals for vet trips and adoption events. Granted, not many people donate carriers, but that’s all the more reason that such a donation would be appreciated. I can’t give anything from that bin away.”

Customer: *suddenly speaking softly and dejectedly, probably in an attempt to gain sympathy* “But it’s the holidays…”

Me: “Yes, and shelters really need these items.”

Customer: “Fine!” *storms out*

Getting Red Over Going Green

| PA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I’m ringing out a lady who is using two cards for one transaction. One is a gift card and the other a debit card.)

Me: “Just run that through as credit.”

Customer: “Which one is credit?”

Me: “Hit enter.”

Customer: “Which one?”

Me: “The green one.”

(She hits green and I give her a second total and she goes to slide her second card.)

Customer: “I want credit.”

Me: “Okay, same thing, just hit green.”

Customer: “I hit cancel for credit?”

Me: “No. Enter.”

Customer: “Which one is enter?”

Me: “Green.”

Customer: “Red?”

Me: “No. Green.”

Will Have To Take His Query With A Pinch Of Saltwater

| Tulsa, OK, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

(I am a manager at a pet store. I notice customer looking at the fish so I greet him.)

Me: “Hello, can I help you find anything today?”

Customer: “I have a fish tank I set up last week and I’m ready to put a ‘Nemo fish’ in it.” *I assume he means a clown fish*

Me: “Salt water is always fun. We have a few different species of clown fish as well as other species of fish that can go with them.”

Customer: “I already picked the others I want.” *walks me over to the platys*

Me: “You said you have a saltwater set, right?”

Customer: “That’s right.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but platys are fresh water and unable to live in salt water.”

Customer: “So they can’t live together?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but no.”

Customer: “Well, what do I need so they can live together?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir… they can’t. One is freshwater and the other is saltwater.”

Customer: “But what do I need so I can mix them?”

Me: “Sir, as I said, they can’t be mixed. It’s biologically impossible to mix them. They need opposite types of water to live, salt or fresh.”

Customer: “Listen to me, god d*** it! Just tell me what I need to put them in the same tank!”

Me: “The only way to keep them in the same tank is if you have a tank divider and make one side freshwater and the other side salt water.”

Customer: “Well I might as well have two tanks then, but I’m not buying another f****** tank. NOW! WHAT DO I NEED TO HAVE BOTH OF THOSE FISH IN THE SAME DAMN TANK!”

(At this point I’m not sure how I can more accurately explain why this wont work the way he wants. He starts cursing at me to fix his problem and becomes very irate.)

Me: “Well, sir, you’re going to have to engineer a new fish that can live in both, and if you manage that I’m sure will win some kind of prize.”

(The tank ended up being a one-gallon desktop tank, although this was not as bad as a customer that got mad because I would not sell them a bearded dragon, a turtle, and a scorpion to all live in the same 10-gallon tank. That one wanted the animals to be friends and said I was stupid when I told her they would kill each other.)

Puppy Purchase Power

| Albuquerque, NM, USA | At The Checkout, Pets & Animals

(I am a customer at a large pet store, waiting in line to buy my cat a new collar. Checking out before me is a man and his very young Husky puppy, who is on the floor while this exchange goes on.)

Cashier: “Okay, so, is this it for you?” *begins scanning various items*

Man: “Yep, I think this is it.”

(Meanwhile, the puppy has gotten himself into a bin of rope toys near the ground, pulling three of them out with his teeth and spinning around with them, having the time of his life.)

Cashier: *looks over the counter at the puppy* “So, did you want a rope toy?”

(The man looks down, seeing the pup surrounded by rope toys, looking very happy with himself.)

Man: *laughs* “Sure, let’s get two of those.”

(The pup got to take one out in his teeth. His cuteness completely made my day!)