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    A Dog Is For Life, Not Just For Christmas

    | NC, USA | Holidays, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    (I work for a well-known pet store chain that has never sold dogs or cats. It is the week before Christmas. We are fairly busy. I am on the floor doing customer service when an angry customer rushes up to me, dragging his young daughter behind him.)

    Customer: “I need a Chihuahua puppy, right now.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I don’t understand. Have you lost your pup in the store?”

    Customer: “No, you stupid b****. I want to buy a Chihuahua puppy. I’ve looked everywhere in the store and can’t find them.”

    Me: “Again, I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t sell puppies. We never have.”

    Customer: “That’s crap! I saw puppies in here the other day.”

    Me: “Yes. Our adoption partners were here. See, we save space in our store for rescues, so shelter dogs and cats can find their forever homes.”

    Customer: “I don’t want a USED dog. I want a Chihuahua puppy. One that’s clean!”

    (His daughter starts to sob and whine at him.)

    Me: “Shelter dogs aren’t used or dirty. I have two rescues, myself.”

    Customer: “Listen you w****. Go in the back and get my puppy.”

    Me: “At this point, you have insulted me and won’t listen to what I’m telling you. I have the right to refuse you service.”

    (I go to walk away from him. He starts screaming over his child’s crying and grabs me by the arm.)

    Customer: “YOU F****** B****! YOU’VE RUINED MY GIRL’S CHRISTMAS! I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY, MAKING LITTLE GIRLS CRY! NOW GO GET MY PUPPY OR I’LL HAVE YOU FIRED!”

    (I’ve had enough. My manager has heard the commotion and is right behind the customer, getting ready to intervene.)

    Me: “Right. The Chihuahua puppies come in next Wednesday, with our dragon eggs and unicorn babies. You’ll have to wait until then.”

    (My manager had to stop himself from laughing as he escorted the customer to the front for yelling at me and grabbing me. Luckily, my bosses have a good sense of humor and didn’t fire me!)

    Snakes Like To Vegetate After A Meal

    | Gladstone, MO, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals, Top

    (I have several exotic pets. I buy feeder mice and fish for my snakes and turtles once per week. Two other customers come in with their little poodles.)

    Customer #1: “We need to get new collars and leashes for our girls. These are getting dirty.”

    Customer #2: “They must have rhinestones on them, and be pink or purple.”

    Employee #1: *points* “They are right there, ladies. Let me know if you need help reaching the ones on the top.”

    Customer #1: “I’m not going over there! You have nasty lizards over there! No, you just bring all the little pink ones over here and we’ll look at them.”

    Employee #2: “You want her to carry over probably 40 leashes and collars when you could just go look at them yourself?”

    Customer #2: “Are you deaf!? We aren’t going anywhere near there with our babies Those nasty lizards might eat them.”

    (The ‘lizard’ they are talking about is in fact a 14 ft Burmese python, which is about 20 ft away from that wall in a large glass tank.)

    Employee #1: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I need to stay at the register and the other employee is putting up our new order of fish. You’ll have to pick out the one you want.”

    (In a huff, Customer #1 leaves her dog with her friend and goes over and pulls off 10-15 leashes, knocking probably 30 more onto the floor. She throws them all on the counter before rifling through them. They then spend the next 30 minutes trying every single one on BOTH dogs before deciding on the ones they like. They leave the extras lying on the counter. Then they get in line behind another woman with a small plastic animal box with mice in it.)

    Customer #2: “Ew, who would want a mouse for a pet! That’s so nasty!”

    Employee: “While we do sell mice for pets, these are feeder mice, miss.”

    Customer #1: “What the h*** does that mean? Feeder? What is she feeding them?”

    Customer #3: “No, I’m not feeding them anything. I’m feeding them to my snake when I get home.”

    Customer #2: “You’re so cruel! How can you do that! Why would you keep a nasty snake for a pet and then feed it mice!? Why don’t you let the thing go, or feed it pellets or something? They have all kinds of pellets over there!”

    Employee #2: “Snakes don’t usually eat pellet food. Some eat sausage made from ground up meat, but those pellets are mostly plant matter.”

    Customer #1: “So feed them that. Why can’t they eat vegetables?”

    Customer #2: “Yeah. They should be vegetarians like our puppies here. They only eat [Brand] kibble.”

    Me: “Er… you know [Brand] dog food has meat in it, right? I mean, it’s probably got more meat in it than a lot of other dog foods.”

    Customer #1: “NO. It does NOT have meat in it! We only buy the kind that has venison in it!”

    Employee #2: “Venison is meat, ma’am. It’s made from deer.”

    Customer #2: “You’re so stupid. It’s not deer; it’s venison. All vegetable dog food!”

    Employee #1: “Okay. Well, I’ll just ring up those collars for you.”

    Customer #2: “So you need to get a vegetarian diet for those snakes or just let them go. Killing mice for them is just wrong.”

    Me: “Snakes are not herbivores. They eat meat. They have to. Meat, bugs, eggs, you know, protein. You can’t just throw a carrot in there and expect them to eat it.”

    Customer #1: “I never said they were dinosaurs! I know that they’ve only been around like 300 years or something. Like, when President Lincoln was around they discovered them. But it doesn’t matter. They shouldn’t eat meat. You need to fix that. And this store should not allow people to buy them for food. I’m going to start a petition!”

    Me: “Who in the h*** are you going to petition to make snakes vegetarians? God?!”

    (Customer #2 gasps and clings her dog to her, covering HER DOG’S ears.)

    Customer #2: “Oh, you are going straight to Hell for talking like that. I can’t even be in here.”

    (Customer #2 gestures to her poodle.)

    Customer #2: “Come on, Porsche!”

    Customer #1: “We’re going straight to the health department for this and making sure everyone knows you’re satanic devil worshipers!”

    (They both storm out, leaving the leashes.)

    Me: “Well, that was a wonderful way to start out a Monday. Let me know if the health department shuts you down for being satanic devil worshipers who feed mice to vegetarian snakes.”

    Employee #2: “Yep! I’ll give you a call about it!”

    Drowning Hamster Requires Mouse To Mouse

    | LA, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    (The small rodents are stored in aquariums with screen tops. A customer comes in and looks over the hamster tank.)

    Me: “Is there anything I can help you with today, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Yeah, what kinda fish dis be here?”

    Me: “Ma’am, that’s not a fish. That is a hamster.”

    Customer: “What kinda fish is a hamster? Is it one of the ocean things?”

    Me: “Ma’am, hamsters are rodents. They are not any species of fish.”

    Customer: “Where’s its water?”

    Me: “In the bottle hanging on the side, right there.”

    Customer: “You mean dat poor thing can’t even get in the water? What kind of place be keepin’ fish dat ain’t even in water? I ain’t spendin’ my money here. That’s cruelty. Shame on you!”

    (The customer storms out of the store indignantly. I’m still confused.)

    Past The Point Of No Return, Part 4

    | West Seattle, WA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Wild & Unruly

    (I work at a pet store as a dog trainer and cashier. My brother drops me off to work, and since he has a cat, he decides to come inside to buy a few things. I clock in and start to ring up a customer’s product.)

    Customer: “Oh, this is a return.”

    Me: “Ah, okay. Do you have your receipt with you?”

    Customer: “No, but I want my money back.”

    Me: “Okay, well [Store] policy says that if you don’t have a receipt, the only thing that I can do is give you store credit. I—”

    Customer: “That is just bull-s***! The other stores in [location] always give me my money back! You are going to give me my money back!”

    Me: “Sir, we don’t have a store in that location. I know what store you are talking about, but they aren’t connected to us.”

    Customer: “I don’t care! You are going to give me my money back! YOU are going to right now!”

    (My brother decides to come to my help.)

    My Brother: “HEY! You do NOT talk to her, or anyone, like that!”

    Customer: “She won’t give me my money back; I want my money back!”

    My Brother: “I get that it’s an inconvenience for you, but she explained the policy to you. You did not have to swear at her like that. You should be ashamed of yourself! There are kids here! That is completely disrespectful!”

    Customer: “You’re right; I’m sorry.”

    My Brother: “Don’t apologize to me; apologize to HER!”

    (My brother then proceeds to point at me. At this point I know just to keep my mouth shut, and let my brother talk. This isn’t the first time he’s saved me from bullying; it has just been years since he had to. The customer does a double take at me, and with much hesitance speaks.)

    Customer: “I’m sorry.”

    (My manager comes up and saves me from the situation.)

    Manager: “Why don’t you finish up with the family I was working with?”

    (I nod. My brother then goes back to finishing his purchase and leaves while I finish up with the family. I start to walk away when I hear the customer again, talking to my manager.)

    Customer: “I want you to know that I am NEVER coming here again! This is NOT how you treat customers! We are always right!”

    Manager: “Well, sir, she did try to explain the policy to you, and you did interrupt her. Had you let her finish, she’d have told you that only a manager would take care of what you wanted.”

    Customer: “She didn’t explain anything to me! I am going to write a horrendous report and shut you guys down!”

    Manager: “Well, that’s alright sir; I hope you have a nice day and good luck with another store.”

    (He then storms out. The rest of the day I worry that I might have got the store in trouble. The next day someone who witnessed the whole thing sent a report to corporate and explained, in detail, everything that happened and that I, nor the store, did anything wrong. To this day I have no clue who it was that sent in that report, but they might’ve saved my job, and definitely made my day. Faith in humanity restored!)

    Related:
    Past The Point Of No Return, Part 3
    Past The Point Of No Return, Part 2
    Past The Point Of No Return

    Bird Brained, Part 9

    | Norway | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (I work in a pet store, and only one staff member is male. We also have a chatty amazon parrot.)

    Customer: “Excuse me?”

    Me: “How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Does the parrot say anything?”

    Me: “Yes! He can say many things! Greetings and lots of random nonsense!”

    (I wave at the parrot and he responds by saying ‘buh bye,’ and basically setting him off on a chatting rampage.)

    Customer: “I thought you said it was a he?”

    (I stare at the customer, somewhat confused.)

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Well… that’s clearly a woman’s voice!”

    (I just stand there for a moment before explaining the principal behind parrots speaking. Needless to say, the customer was sort of embarrassed as he left.)

    Related:
    Bird Brained, Part 8
    Bird Brained, Part 7
    Early Bird Brained
    Bird Brained, Part 6
    Bird Brained, Part 5
    Bird Brained, Part 4
    Bird Brained, Part 3
    Bird Brained, Part 2
    Bird Brained

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