Flamingoing From Bad To Worse

| Lexington, KY, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

(I am a cashier on register with no one in my line. The phone rings:)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

(There is an obviously drunk woman on phone:)

Caller: “Do you sell flamingos?”

Me: “I’m sorry; I didn’t hear that. Could you say it again?”

Caller: “A flamingo! Do you sell flamingos?”

Me: “You mean the pink bird at the zoo?”

Caller: “Yes, flamingos! Do you sell flamingos?”

(At this point a customer comes up to my register.)

Me: “No ma’am; we do not sell flamingos or any other kind of exotic animal. I’m pretty sure that’s illegal.”

Caller: “Too bad. What about giraffes?”

Me: “Tell you what. Call back when you are sober. I have a customer waiting.” *click*

Customer: “Did they seriously ask for a flamingo?”

Me: “Yep, and a giraffe. Sorry you had to wait.”

Customer: “You do know it’s rush week, right?”

(There are no less than six universities in the city. Rush week is when freshmen pledge to a sorority or fraternity and have to do challenges to get in.)

Me: “Oh, no! Thanks for the warning.”

(I let my manager know. We got ten similar calls that day, and more the rest of the week.)

(Two Can) Play At That Game

| Boston, MA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

(This guy comes in roughly every other day, and buys one can of cat food at a time.)

Customer: “Do you have any more [Brand] cat food?”

Me: “There’s none on the shelf?”

Customer: “No, I just want the new ones.”

(I look at the delivery that just came in, and see the cans he want are on the very BOTTOM of a stack of about 15 cases.)

Me: “I am NOT moving all of those cases for one can.”

Customer: “Fine, I’ll buy four.”

(I move all the cases, causing a landslide in the process.)

Customer: “Never mind, I’ll just get two cans.”

H2-Slow, Part 6

| USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

(A lady comes in looking for a fish.)

Me: “How may I help you, ma’am?”

Lady: “Well, I want to get a fish for my daughters birthday.”

Me: “Any type of fish in mind?”

Lady: *points to the betta fish* “This one is very pretty, so this one.”

Me: “Okay. Do you have a tank for it?” *points to tank*

Lady: “I don’t need a tank; I can just put him in a cup.”

Me: “Um, ma’am. You cannot just put a fish in a cup. It needs to be in a tank.”

Lady: “That’s silly; all it needs is water and a cup!”

Me: “How about food? It needs more room than just a cup. Also, it needs a filter.”

Lady: “Wait, doesn’t it eat the water?”

(I told her all the stuff she needed for the fish. Instead she got a hamster because it was much easier to take care of. I made sure to give her guidebooks and told her to call us whenever she needed help with something.)

Related:
H2Slow, Part 5
H2Slow, Part 4
H2Slow, Part 3

Anything But Basic

| IL, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I have just finished ringing Customer #1, and wished her a good evening. I turn to Customer #2:)

Customer #2: “Hello, I need someone to get me something from back in the store.”

Me: “Sure, I’ll be happy to help! What can we get you?”

Customer #2: “I need two bags of [Brand], chicken and pea for cats. It has a green stripe on the top.”

Me: “All right, are you sure about the formula? I don’t think [Brand] comes in chicken, it’s usually turkey.”

Customer #2: “Yes, I get it here all the time. It’s chicken.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll be right back.”

(Upon reaching the aisle with our [Brand] formulas, I find they are all either turkey & potato, or salmon & potato. Rather than automatically assume that this is the bag, since changing proteins can be rather serious for cats, I decide to go back up and confirm what she wanted.)

Me: “Ma’am, it’s as I thought… there is no [Sub-Brand] chicken and pea. It’s only turkey and salmon protein formulas.”

Customer #2: “No, I didn’t say [Sub-Brand], did I? I said [Brand]. I get it here all the time. It’s very expensive. You obviously didn’t look in the right spot or don’t know what you’re talking about. I suppose I’m going to have to go all the way back there myself to educate you on where it is, and I’m not very happy about it.”

(While she’s on her rambling fit, I page my manager to the front to assist the customer for two reasons: one, it is obvious she is going to be an issue and two, I have to ring the customers present in my line. The whole time she continues to ramble on until Customer #1, who has not yet left, interjects:)

Customer #1: “Ma’am, if you’d stop complaining for two seconds, you’d understand that he did what he could to find your food.”

Customer #2: “Then he needs to get someone–”

Customer #1: “If you were paying attention you’d hear that he already did page an associate up to assist you. Maybe if you’d shut up you’d notice that instead of moaning. I don’t work here, but you’ve gotta be polite when talking to people.”

(Around this time, my manager has arrived at the front. After the long transaction, my manager comes back up to me.)

Manager: “So… that lady has issues. I tell her we’ll find whatever it is she’s looking for if she’d just describe the bag to me. When she tells me it’s ‘[Brand]’ I automatically think of [Sub-Brand], and she yelled that it wasn’t. She then said that it was this bag of [Different Brand], which I can’t even see anyplace on the bag it says the word ‘basics.’”

Me: “Yeah, I tried to explain that, too…”

Manager: “Then she says she’s legally blind and that that would explain that… Fine. She has me check the bags over for holes, and they look good. Then, as I’m ringing her up, her savers card can’t be found, and she complains about that and how we never get it right and that she’s going to shop at the other store from now on. Then I ask her which car is hers and where she wants them in the car… She tells me ‘the red one.’ I then ask again where she wants them and she said ‘the. Red. Car!’ So I say, ‘The. Trunk? Or. The. Front. Seat?’ So, she has me toss them in the front seat…”

(Moments later…)

Manager: “So… wait… she told me she’s legally blind. What the h*** is she doing driving?!

Freely Bathing In Stupidity

| Hiram, GA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money, Pets & Animals

(The pet store I work at sells coupon books for $20 that are meant for people who are planning to buy puppies or have just bought them. They greatly help with a lot of the up-front cost and include a sign-up for the customer to continue receiving coupons through their email. A customer comes up with a grooming slip to pay for her dog’s grooming. She is holding a puppy kit and reading it over.)

Me: “Hey, how are you today? Find everything okay?”

Customer: “Yeah. Hey, am I allowed to take this book thing home with me and decide later if I want to come back and buy it?”

Me: “Um, no, ma’am. You have to purchase merchandise before you are allowed to leave the store with it.”

Customer:” Oh… Well, I guess I don’t want it then. Maybe I’ll get it some other time.”

(She puts the puppy kit back with the ones at the register and places the grooming slip and a coupon on the counter. I notice the coupon is for $5 off the grooming. In the puppy kit, there is a coupon for a free puppy bath which is what is listed on the grooming slip. To try and save her some money, I decide to explain that to her.)

Customer: “Hmm… sounds good. I’ll take it.”

Me: “So you do want to get a puppy kit?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: *confused look* “Then what are you wanting to get, ma’am?”

Customer: “Just the free bath.”

Me: “Ma’am, the coupon for the free bath is in the puppy kit.”

Customer: “So, I’ll take the coupon. But I don’t think I want the kit today.”

Me: “Ma’am, unless you purchase the book I can’t just give you a free bath. It’s a coupon included in the puppy kit and you can’t use the coupons without buying it first.”

Customer: “Oh… Well, I don’t want the kit thing tonight.”

Me: “Okay. I’ll just run it through with the $5 coupon, then.”

Customer: “Yeah, that would be good. Since I can’t get the bath for free without the book, I’ll at least save something that way…”

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