July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

Dig Deeper At Your Own Risk

| Vancouver Island, BC, Canada | Uncategorized

(A customer and her young son are buying a bag of birdseed when she notices a picture of my horse on the board behind me.)

Customer: “Oh, what a beautiful horse! Is he a black stallion?”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, he’s a gelding.”

Customer: “Oh…what’s the difference?”

Me: “A gelding is a male horse who’s been castrated.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Uh…a male horse who’s been neutered.”

Customer: “I don’t understand.”

Me: “A male horse who’s had his testicles surgically removed.”

Customer: “I still don’t…”

Me: “A horse with no balls, ma’am.”

Customer: *covering her son’s ears*** “My goodness! My son’s only five, you know! He doesn’t need to hear that language!”

Me: “…have a nice day, ma’am.”

Just Add Water

| North Carolina, USA | Uncategorized

(I work in a pet store that does not sell live feeder mice. We only sell frozen feeder mice that come four a container.)

Customer: “Excuse me?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. What can I help you with?”

Customer: “I have a question about these feeder mice. If I unfreeze them, will they come back to life?”

Note From God: Waters & Land First, Then Creatures

, | Devon, UK | Uncategorized

Customer: “I would like a refund, I found all my fish that I bought from you two days ago dead this morning.”

Me: “Okay, that’s fine. How old was the tank?”

(As long as the customer has followed our advice, we can refund or replace any fish lost.)

Customer: “A week.”

Me: “Right, so you put the fish in two days ago? The tank had been running for a week prior to that with the filter on 24/7? And you had everything in the tank before you put the fish in?”

Customer: “I did it just as you advised me to last week and everything was in the tank except the gravel, which I put in yesterday afternoon.”

Me: “So you put the gravel into the tank when the fish were already in there?”

Customer: “Yes. I would like those fish replaced, please.”

(Note: pouring gravel on fish’s heads = bad idea. We did give her replacements, but these fish could not be refunded.)

Mixed Me-ow-ssages

| Burlington, WA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I bought this a few days ago to stop my cats from scratching the furniture, and now they’re scratching it more than ever!”

(I take a moment to look at the bottle, and see that it is clearly labeled “Catnip Spray”.)

Me: “Well, they’re going to scratch more because this is catnip spray.”

Customer: “What does that mean?”

Me: “You spray this where you want cats to scratch… didn’t you read the bottle before you bought it?”

Customer: “I don’t have time to read; I just grabbed the first thing on the shelf.”

Me: “Um… you just grabbed the first thing on the shelf?”

Customer: “Yes, now get me the right stuff so they’ll stop scratching!”

A Hiccup In The Food Chain

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Uncategorized

(I was working in the reptile department and I often got questions about the snakes.)

Customer: “What do you feed these snakes?”

Me: “Those snakes?¬†Usually feeder mice.”

Customer: “You feed them live mice?”

Me: “Yes, that’s what they eat.”

Customer: Well, don’t you think that’s cruel?”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Can’t you feed them a vegetarian diet?”

Me: “No ma’am, they need to eat a diet similar to what they would naturally eat in the wild.”

Customer: “Well, I think that’s just awful.¬†They should be able to survive on vegetables.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am…you’ll have to talk to God about that one.”

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